Comical naked person Levi Johnston went on the CBS program this morning but really, don’t even watch the clip, we just needed some art to go with the text: “There are some things that I have that are huge. And I haven’t said them because I’m not gonna hurt her that way… You know, I mean, if I really wanted to hurt her, I could, very easily. But there’s — I’m not gonna do it. I’m not going that far.” MORE »

Oh man… Wolf Blitzer said that Jesus was born in Jerusalem during Celebrity Jeopardy last night. What a heathen! He ended Double Jeopardy with -$4,600, with super-easy questions too. And check out at how snooty he looks when Alex has to adjust his score for answering “Julia Childs,” earlier. Ha ha, Wolf Blitzer. Andy Richter seems so nice and smart. [Politico, Gawker (full episode)]

The booming town of Buffalo, New York — which finally won its independence last year after suffering decades under of the private ownership and slave economy of Tim Russert — today is holding its Democratic mayoral primary, a.k.a. “the mayoral election.” And the current mayor, Byron Brown, has discovered (at :50) the single most effective last-minute pitch ever: promise all the old people new flat-screen teevees! (AND DON’T FUCK WITH MEDICARE.) [Political Class Dismissed]

Hey have you heard about the important something-or-other, on teevee, when the one hip-hop fellow Mr. Kanye West said something about the hip-hop lady? SCANDAL! Well Barack Obama hates all this dumb misogynistic consumer-good-worshiping dumb shit. [YouTube]

Here’s some guy, “Ben Konop,” running for something in Toledo, we don’t know what. Maybe high school president? Sure, let’s say “Toledo High School President.” Or mayor, whatever, there cannot be that many things to run for, in Toledo. Anyway, congratulations to the world’s sleepiest heckler, for still weirdly ruining this young man’s press event. [Justin Billau via Matt Welch]

What is this? WHAT IS THIS? Oh, right, it’s this … which is no explanation at all. MORE »

Beloved Utah Republican Orrin Hatch loves to sing, and he loves to compose songs, so he can sing them! The songs are often about the Mormon God, but this time the song is about the Liberal God, Ted Kennedy, who has tragically died of old age and sickness. Enjoy! [YouTube via "Scott R."]

Disgusting wingnut diaper-fetishist hooker-user David Vitter says he is super excited about wingnuts yelling at him, at one of these Town Hall KKK Rallies. He’s even bringing extra diapers, because he’s already planning on jacking off and pooping in a series of diapers, while old people who really need diapers yell about how they will officially renounce Medicare and die, like patriots, at the Superdome. MORE »

Just a little biographical note here: Your editor grew up in the Deep South and every white person’s dog was taught something similar. Always so funny! And now with YouTube, everybody can love the jokes. [BuzzFeed]

This is not just a wonderful video about .000005% of America’s Youth — most of them are still sitting in front of the video screen eating Crazy Bread, thank Allah! No, this here is part of an exciting contest! Beloved Austin comedian Alex Jones is making all the Truther/Paultard/Birthers do these embarrassing videos, maybe for a prize of some kind? MORE »

And how do we know, for sure, that this video is satirical in nature? Maybe that “Funny or Die” website just spent all weekend searching the YouTubes for the most insane example of current Birther pop art. Hell, it’s how we find the comedy! [Funny or Die]