Tag Archives: video

  How would Jesus lose?

Rick Perry Thinks He’s Jesus, Hopes To Also Come Back From The Dead

Ladies and other people, check out how sad-emoji this is. Rick Perry, whose presidential campaign obituary we already wrote, and then we wrote again, apparently wants us to do it a third time, because he just really likes that number, we guess, though we can’t remember why. He’s all out of money, and he’s damn near out of campaign staffers too, and not just because Donald Trump is stealing them to Make America Great Again. Piss-poor poop-broke Rick Perry can only afford one staffer in Iowa, which is one of them supposedly important states (every four years, anyway): Read more on Rick Perry Thinks He’s Jesus, Hopes To Also Come Back From The Dead…
  The Daddy Daughter Dance

Liz Cheney Knows Real U.S. American Patriots Love Old Dick

If you loved last year’s op-ed in the Wall Street Journal, by Dick Cheney and his evil spawn Liz, about why OBAMA SUX, you’ll be quite aroused in your privates to know that they have written a whole entire book about why OBAMA SUX. It is an expansion on their ongoing dialogue with each other that the Cheney administration was AWESOMEBALLS, and it is the fault of President B. Hussein Sucksalot that Gee Dubya Bush destabilized the entire Middle East by invading Iraq because of his own daddy issues, which led to the rise of even worser terrorist organizations like ISIS. It sounds like a real fun book, if you’re into historical fiction. (We do not know if Mrs. Mama Lynne Cheney contributed any HAWT lesbian sex scenes, sorry.) Read more on Liz Cheney Knows Real U.S. American Patriots Love Old Dick…
  Here's a neat idea!

America About To Fall In Love With Scott Walker, Says Scott Walker

This will probably be news to you, America, but you are nanomilimicroseconds away from falling head over heels for Wisconsin Gov. Scott Walker. True, you don’t love him now, and you’ve been liking him less and less all year, but that’s about to change. How do we know? Not because it says so on his hat, but because he said it, which pretty much makes it a fact. So, BOOM, ta da, and case closed. Read more on America About To Fall In Love With Scott Walker, Says Scott Walker…
  Get Your Nerd On

Why Do You Weep? Blingee Lives! Your Saturday Nerdout

All Hail the Risen Blingee
All Hail the Risen Blingee Hey, remember how a week or so back we were all bummed because one of the most useful dumb wonderful things on the Internet, Blingee, was going away forever? Turns out that the public reaction was so anguished, so over the top, so filled with unicorns puking sad glitter, that the site’s owners decided against going gentle into that good Error 404 Page Not Found after all: Read more on Why Do You Weep? Blingee Lives! Your Saturday Nerdout…
  Unfair!

So Lame How CNN Won’t Let Carly Fiorina Be President Already

Remember, you guys, when we guesstimated Carly Fiorina was not one of the hopping-so-mad second-tier Republican candidates who anonymously baby-cried to POLITICO that Fox News made them sit at the kids’ table and not get to do real prime time debating with Donald Trump and the other grown-ups? Read more on So Lame How CNN Won’t Let Carly Fiorina Be President Already…
  Get Your Bingo Cards Out

Gays, Abortions, Blacks, Oh My! Your Virginia Shooting Tragedy Bingo

Oh, fine. Begin the recitation of stupidity.
Oh, fine. Begin the recitation of stupidity. Wonder why bad things happen to good people? We’ve been scanning the dregs of the wingnuttosphere since Roanoke TV journalists Alison Parker and Adam Ward were shot to death while doing a routine interview Wednesday, and you’ll be astonished at the range of reasons it happened. Or you might be astonished, if you’re new to our great nation and its insane politics. Welcome to America! Here, you’ll want this flak jacket. So why did this terrible thing happen? Here’s a handy roundup! Read more on Gays, Abortions, Blacks, Oh My! Your Virginia Shooting Tragedy Bingo…
  deep thoughts

Sarah Palin Says Donald Trump Is Jesus, Basically

We already know Donald Trump makes Sarah Palin so moist in her granny panty g-string, because of how he is a hero, a gen-u-ine hero just like John McCain, only without the going to war. And we know that Donald Trump thinks Sarah is “tough and smart and just a great woman,” and he’d like to tap her in her moosehole — metaphorically, of course — and let her be the Secretary of Quittin’ Stuff, or maybe even scrawl her name in lipstick on his ballot to be his vice Trump, if we are that lucky. Read more on Sarah Palin Says Donald Trump Is Jesus, Basically…
  If you could just not

Rand Paul Suggests Black Lives Matter Focus On Other Lives Instead

Who understands race better than these guys? Noted race expert Rand Paul chatted with fellow race expert Sean Hannity the other night, and the senator from Kentucky had some terrific advice for Black Lives Matter, for which its leaders will no doubt be sending him an Edible Arrangement to express their gratitude. Sure, the movement has recently released its own platform, called “Campaign Zero,” detailing 10 policy solutions, none of which are “cut taxes” or “more dads and better morals.” So clearly, they’re in need of Rand’s expertise. Tell ’em how they can best achieve their goals of combating police violence in their communities, Senator: Read more on Rand Paul Suggests Black Lives Matter Focus On Other Lives Instead…
  Real Journalists Use Roofies

James O’Keefe Releases SHOCK VIDEO Of Hillary Campaign Torturing Puppies

All the gravitas, all the veritas, all the smarmitas
All the gravitas, all the veritas, all the smarmitas Self-important Hefty bag of slime mold James O’Keefe has released a shocking new video showing Hillary Clinton campaigners in Iowa shockingly discussing ways to get Hillary Clinton elected. The Clinton campaign told Time magazine last week that it suspected people pretending to be volunteers for O’Keefe’s “Project Veritas” were trying to entrap Iowa campaign workers into saying something dumb or illegal. The beauty of O’Keefe’s operation is that while he’s never actually uncovered examples of people doing unethical or illegal things, he’s awfully good at thinking of illegal shit to do, then either recording simulated crimes, or trying to get people to go along with doing crimes, which proves such crimes must be rampant. Except in Iowa, the Clinton campaign was paying attention, and warned staffers not to assist anyone in an Osama bin Laden mask to fake voter registration forms. Read more on James O’Keefe Releases SHOCK VIDEO Of Hillary Campaign Torturing Puppies…
  Gotta recharge their engines and shit

Godly Christian Fame Whores Call In Sick To YouTube

Before things went bad at the vlogger conference, when they were still just good looking.
Sleepy fame whores. It’s been a tough run for Sam and Nia Rader, the Jesus-loving fame-fellating YouTube “celebrities” who just wanted to prove they are as worthy of wealth and fame as the Duggars, but much more good looking obviously. So it is time for a SNOOZE-CATION from the old 9-to-5, or whatever hours YouTube requires them to be awake and sentient. Consider this timeline of events: Read more on Godly Christian Fame Whores Call In Sick To YouTube…
  Making America Grate Again

Donald Trump Fanboy Can’t Believe Univision Anchor Even Allowed In White People’s America

That's one Ugly American there
So here’s a charming addendum to Tuesday night’s Donald Trump presser in Dubuque, Iowa, when the Human Flannel Moth deported Univision news anchor Jorge Ramos for being out of line. Once Ramos was out in the hallway, an as-yet unidentified Trump wannabee decided that it was time to give the veteran newsman a good talking-to. Not that the guy knew Ramos was a veteran newsman; all he could see was an uppity foreigner who needed to “go back to Univision.” Read more on Donald Trump Fanboy Can’t Believe Univision Anchor Even Allowed In White People’s America…
  Wow So Yooge. Much Classy. Wow.

Trump Shows America How He Will Deport Mexicans, On Live TV!

Simian challenge display #6
Donald Trump won himself even more love from the We Hates Foreigns crowd Tuesday as he ignored questions from Univision news anchor Jorge Ramos at a press event, told him to go back where he came from (Univision), and had a security guard escort Ramos from the room. After a while, Ramos was allowed back in; while Trump talked over and avoided answering Ramos’s questions, at least he ignored the man face to face. We can hardly wait for President Trump to address the United Nations and tell the delegates to go the hell back to whatever stupid countries they came from, because nobody’s ever even heard of them. Read more on Trump Shows America How He Will Deport Mexicans, On Live TV!…
  Clash Of The Titans

Fox News Dudes Being Total Girls About Donald Trump’s Sexism

Two minds with but a single thought
Two minds with but a single thought Oh, golly goodness, it would appear that there is once again discord in the House That Ailes Built. After taking a brief vacation, Fox’s Megyn Kelly returned to the network Monday night, and Donald Trump drunk-tweeted a bunch of mean stuff about her. (We are not accusing Mr. Trump of being a drunkard, of course — we know he only drinks at church. We just assume that anyone on Twitter is drunk, because it is Twitter). Read more on Fox News Dudes Being Total Girls About Donald Trump’s Sexism…
  Mad About A Thing

Jeb Bush Doesn’t Know Dick About Women’s Healthcare

Oh really? So this happened: Don’t believe it? See for yourselves: Perhaps Jeb Bush, who proudly slashed Florida’s funding of women’s healthcare when he was the state’s governor and redirected it to crisis pregnancy centers, which do not provide healthcare services, would like to clarify precisely what he means by “women’s health issues.” Read more on Jeb Bush Doesn’t Know Dick About Women’s Healthcare…
  There Are Democrats Running This Year Too!

Hey, What’s Up With The 2016 Democrats?

Three Dems, One Cup
Three Dems, One Cup With all the Republicans trying their best to beat the crap out of each other, you have to feel a little bad for the Democrats, who have generally been like the well-behaved kids who are trying to have a thoughtful talk about important Calculus Club business in one corner of the cafeteria while everyone’s paying attention to the brawl over by the snack machine, where the little brother of the quarterback from several seasons ago is getting a wedgie from that obnoxious guy with the weird hair. (Somewhere in this analogy, Rand Paul is wondering why no one’s taking his Objectivist Club pamphlets, John Kasich can’t convince anyone to play D & D with him — he insists on using the 2nd Edition — and no one’s even sure if Jim Gilmore actually attends this school.) So let’s check in on the people who actually care about subject-verb agreement and income inequality. Read more on Hey, What’s Up With The 2016 Democrats?…
  Dope and change

We Are All Junkie Heroin Dope Fiend Smackheads Now, Thanks Obama

America, apparently Resting rage face Gov. Chris Christie — who is not going to be president; hell, he’ll be lucky if he makes the cut for the next debate — has a new ad. And yes, it is mildly amusing in its near-but-not-quite completeness of the Oogly Boogly Checklist Of Oogly Boogly Words That Make Republicans Wet Themselves: Read more on We Are All Junkie Heroin Dope Fiend Smackheads Now, Thanks Obama…