Tag Archives: video

  You Need Jesus In School. Where Else In Tennessee Would Kids Hear About Him?

‘Bible Man’ Banned From Tenn. Grade Schools. Townfolk Turn Other Cheek, Just Kidding

Oh Christ, now I'm going to have to *watch* these...
Cry for the poor oppressed Christians of Grundy County, Tennessee, will you please, O Wonkers? Lo, they are sore afraid, and most put upon, for an HERETIC is amongst them, using arcane magicks (the Constitution of the United States) and consorting with Devilish Forces (the Freedom From Religion Foundation) to withhold from the public schools the Word Of God! Which is to say, some old evangelist fart calling himself “the Bible Man” won’t be allowed to hold taxpayer-funded revival meetings at the elementary schools anymore, because of some stupid thing about it being unconstitutional. Happily, it all worked out for the best because the good Christian townspeople have figured out the identity of the troublemaking atheist mom who complained to the FFRF, and they’ve been threatening her with violent retribution, seeing as how God Himself hasn’t gotten around to smiting the godless bitch yet. But they know that’s what He’d want. Read more on ‘Bible Man’ Banned From Tenn. Grade Schools. Townfolk Turn Other Cheek, Just Kidding…
  S-M-R-T

Marco Rubio Is Not A Scientist, Is A Idiot

Geenyus
Marco Rubio — fresh young hipster candidate for A New American Century (that already started a decade and half ago, but he’s not a mathematician, man) — explained his views on climate change in an interview with Bob Schieffer on “Face the Nation” that is so painful, your ears will bleed, so if that’s not your thing, you can read our transcript (YOU’RE WELCOME) and let your eyes bleed instead. Read more on Marco Rubio Is Not A Scientist, Is A Idiot…
  Here have some news n stuff

President Obama Is Maybe Cool With You Tokin’ Up, For Your ‘Health’

Cataracts, obviously
If the President Barry H. Bamz (D-Choom Gang) thinks medical marijuana might be good for you, who are we to argue? CNN’s chief medical correspondent Sanjay Gupta, a vocal supporter of the legalization of medical marijuana, asks Obama in the documentary [“WEED 3″]if he supports the goals of a historic Senate bill introduced in March that seeks to make several major changes in federal law, including drastically reducing the federal government’s ability to crack down on state-legal medical marijuana programs, encouraging more research into the plant and reclassifying marijuana as a less dangerous drug. Read more on President Obama Is Maybe Cool With You Tokin’ Up, For Your ‘Health’…
  Also Something About Ponies Because It's Saturday

Ted Cruz Loves ‘The Simpsons.’ It’s Not Mutual.

None of these people would vote or Cruz. (Vader's endorsed Santorum)
So it seems that Sen. Ted Cruz (R-Moose Jaw) fancies himself something of a Simpsons fan, as he told The Federalist’s Ben Domenech in a recent podcast. He even did lines from his two favorite episodes, proving that he can relate not only to country music aficionados, but to rabid animation fans, also too! Read more on Ted Cruz Loves ‘The Simpsons.’ It’s Not Mutual….
  The Gang That Couldn't Shoot Straight

‘Oath Keepers’ Will Help You Do Armed Standoff With Feds, Whether You Want It Or Not

Exactly the same thing! Except for the nobody-gunned-down-by-redcoats part.
Oh goody, militia flakes and “Oath Keepers” are freaking out about the Bureau of Land Management doing tyranny all over an innocent landowner again, and they’re mobilizing Internet Commandos to load up the Suburban with guns and head to Oregon to defend a plucky Patriot from the Illegal Usurpations of an Out-of-Control Federal Government!! (All the exclamation points)! There aren’t any cows this time, but there’s a gold mine. Unfortunately, this time around, it looks like cooler heads may prevail, and where’s the fun (or long-overdue New American Revolution) in that? Read more on ‘Oath Keepers’ Will Help You Do Armed Standoff With Feds, Whether You Want It Or Not…
  also kicks puppies

Hillary Clinton Beats Up Crippled Children, Takes Their Candy And Parking Space

Arrows prove everything
What terrible thing did Hillary Clinton do now? Why, she parked her Scooby Van in a handicapped spot — and laughed about it! Look, there is even video! And in case you cannot believe it, the Very Offended Krystal Heath, associate producer for conservative “comedian” Steven Crowder, wrote a trillion words about it and how she is Personally Very Offended, also she has a photograph to point out the offensive parking job: Read more on Hillary Clinton Beats Up Crippled Children, Takes Their Candy And Parking Space…
  mommyblogging

Shut Up Paul Anka, Ben Shapiro’s Dad Has Written Greatest Pro-Life Anthem OF ALL TIME!

Move over, Paul Anka. There is a new pro-life anthem in town, and not a minute too soon because “You’re Having My Baby” came out over 40 years ago! Let’s remind ourselves of the glory and perfection that was the song about how Paul Anka is super glad his woman did not put a coathanger to the fruit of his jism: Read more on Shut Up Paul Anka, Ben Shapiro’s Dad Has Written Greatest Pro-Life Anthem OF ALL TIME!…
  Scenes From The Class Photo Struggle

Eighth-Grader’s Class Picture Photoshopped Because It Had F-Word On It (‘Feminist’)

Yes, in case you were wondering, “Feminist” is actually a dirty word — dirty enough to get retouched out of an 8th-grade class photo at Clermont Northeastern Middle School in Batavia, Ohio, at least. Thirteen-year-old Sophie — real first name, last name withheld — had worn her homemade “FEMINIST” t-shirt to school without any issues a few weeks back, according to a letter from her mom to the Women You Should Know blog. It was also class photo day. But when the class photos came back, Sophie’s shirt was cleverly retouched to a nice uniform black, with no trace of her handiwork: Read more on Eighth-Grader’s Class Picture Photoshopped Because It Had F-Word On It (‘Feminist’)…
  what would jesus do?

Christian Texas Lady Thinks Religious Freedom Protects Her Right To Feed The Homeless, AS IF

Texas takes its religious-flavored freedoms VERY SERIOUSLY, as we know. Sometimes, anyway. For important things like gay-hatin’ and slut-shamin’ and gun-totin’ and prisoner-executin’. But Joan Cheever of San Antonio has some CRAZY idea that she should have the freedom to feed the homeless, as she’s been doing since 2005: Read more on Christian Texas Lady Thinks Religious Freedom Protects Her Right To Feed The Homeless, AS IF…
  Have YOU Considered A Hobby In Law Enforcement?

Tulsa Sheriff’s Office Faked Certification For Cosplaying Cop Who Accidentally Killed A Man, Oops

Gee. Who could have told someone to fake the records?
It was bad enough that the Tulsa County Sheriff’s Office apparently makes a habit of handing a badge and a gun to any rich schmuck who buys the department some flak vests and a few Crown Vics. Which is how reserve deputy Robert Bates, 73, found himself shooting Eric Harris to death, mistakenly thinking, Bates says, that he’d grabbed his taser. But don’t worry about the reserve deputy program; the Sheriff’s Office insisted Bates was fully trained as an “advanced reserve,” and had a whole assload of training in proper law enforcement procedure. He was just as well-trained as a real live deputy. Read more on Tulsa Sheriff’s Office Faked Certification For Cosplaying Cop Who Accidentally Killed A Man, Oops…
  Today's News Anchor Vocabulary Word: 'Gyrocopter'

Florida Man Tries To Air-Drop Message To Congress, It Does Not Go Well

Reports that The Humungus had taken over the Ellipse turned out to be unsubstantiated
A Florida (OF COURSE) mailman’s attempt to call attention to campaign finance reform instead prompted a terrorism scare when the amateur aviator landed his gyrocopter on Capitol Hill Wednesday. 61-year-old Doug Hughes, of Ruskin, Florida, had been planning the flight for over a year, and apparently tried to publicize the stunt by building a website and telling the Tampa Bay Times about it in advance, but apart from getting a visit from the Secret Service last year — with no follow-up — it appears that nobody in Washington was aware of the planned flight, which Hughes knew was in violation of federal law. The Times even made a video about Hughes’s plans: Read more on Florida Man Tries To Air-Drop Message To Congress, It Does Not Go Well…
  Daddy issues

Ted Cruz’s Dry-Drunk Daddy Will Save The Jews From Obama, For Jesus

Ted Cruz’s ex-drunk ex-deadbeat dad, Rafael, is a swell guy who loves to spread The Good Word about how God hand-selected his boy Ted to be the next president of the United States of Jesus. And also, of course, the Penultimate Good Word about how Obama sucks, as he did yet again while testifying to a group of Georgia teabaggers. Read more on Ted Cruz’s Dry-Drunk Daddy Will Save The Jews From Obama, For Jesus…
  Tell us what you really think

Harry Reid Talking So Much Sh*t About Everybody Now, Does Not Give A Flying F*ck

Go on some more please!
Sen. Harry Reid (D-Boxing Ring) has rarely shied away from using his smack-talking Stern Words to smack-talk, sternly, but now that he is officially retiring at the end of this term, he really does NOT give an aerodynamic fuck at a mobile pastry. Read more on Harry Reid Talking So Much Sh*t About Everybody Now, Does Not Give A Flying F*ck…
  A Pertussive Argument For Vaccinating

It Takes 7 Kids With Whooping Cough To Change 1 Anti-Vaxxer Mom’s Mind

Remember to come back to the kitten if you listen to the video
Seven. The answer is “Seven.” That’s how many of a Canadian mom’s children (out of seven) had to get whooping cough to persuade her that her previous opposition to vaccines was just a wee bit wrong-headed. The good news: All seven responded well to treatment and are now out of isolation. All it took to completely put Tara Hills’s anti-vax beliefs behind her was more than a week of home quarantine with seven children — the youngest just 10 months old — and their dry hacking coughs, sometimes so violent the kids vomited. Let’s hope that just maybe some others may learn from what her family went through, maybe? Read more on It Takes 7 Kids With Whooping Cough To Change 1 Anti-Vaxxer Mom’s Mind…
  We are just asking!

Did This Bunny Rabbit Just F*ck Himself To Death?!

Just like Liz Phair sang,
It’s time for another dispatch from Wonkette’s Funny Animal Fucking Videos department! Last time, we met Lu Lu, a Chinese panda bear who gave his Girl Frand Thang the D for EIGHT WHOLE MINUTES, which is a very long time for the panda bears to engage in sinful coitus! Read more on Did This Bunny Rabbit Just F*ck Himself To Death?!…
  Everybody knows real Mexicans only eat Taco Bell

Fox News: Hungover Hillary Ate At Chipotle To Woo The Spanishes, Newsflash!

This non-story just got even MORE non-storied
Hillary Clinton did a thing, and that thing is eating! Scandal, zomg, Drudge siren, congressional investigations, subpoenas, impeach, KILL US NOW. On Fox News, the “Outnumbered” ladies and the designated Dude o’ The Day had themselves a great laugh about Clinton’s stop at Chipotle in Ohio on Monday. Hosts Andrea Tantaros and Kennedy (yeah, the one who used to be a VJ on MTV) made so many #jokes about it, your sides will ache. Trigger warning for HIGHBROW HUMOR: Read more on Fox News: Hungover Hillary Ate At Chipotle To Woo The Spanishes, Newsflash!…
  Why can't white men catch a break?

Bill O’Reilly: Hillary Clinton To Murder All The Poor White Christian Men, Goodbye America

The world’s greatest and bravest and most honest award-winning war correspondent and objective reporter, Bill O’Reilly, offered his own Hot Take on Hillary Clinton’s chances of beating all the Republicans to a bloody pulp in the 2016 election. In O’Reilly’s fair and balanced nonpartisan analysis, Clinton has the clear advantage, and the reason will amaze you! Read more on Bill O’Reilly: Hillary Clinton To Murder All The Poor White Christian Men, Goodbye America…
  Bored now

Marco Rubio Really Really REALLY Wants You To Know He Will Lose For President Too

Are you not sexcited?
Marco Rubio has spent the past 24 hours trying to cocktease the internet into caring about his Big Announcement coming Monday evening, whatever it might be. Obviously, the world is on pins and needles, wondering what Rubio might announce, but now we do not have to wait until 6 PM to find out. Read more on Marco Rubio Really Really REALLY Wants You To Know He Will Lose For President Too…
  sure why not

Never Wrong Bill Kristol Has Just The Right GOP Dick To Beat Hillary Clinton

Cool idea
Smirking sack of hot air Bill Kristol offered some of his infallible logic and political acumen on Sunday’s “This Week” with George Stephanopoulos: KRISTOL: If they get to nominate Hillary Clinton, why don’t we get to nominate Dick Cheney? I mean, he has a much — he has a much better record. With his evil self-satisfied chuckle, one might think Kristol is attempting to make a joke. But given that he quite seriously “discovered” Sarah Palin and insisted she was the Next Great Hope of the Republican Party — and also, his constant calling for bombing whatever country’s handy because what could possibly go wrong? — there’s a good chance he thinks he’s serious. Read more on Never Wrong Bill Kristol Has Just The Right GOP Dick To Beat Hillary Clinton…
  Not breaking

Hillary Clinton Ruins Everyone’s Sunday, Will Never Be President Now

Surprise!
Hillary Clinton broke her first campaign promise, before she even announced she was running for president, so SHUT IT DOWN, PEOPLE, she has no chance now. Last week, the not-exactly-breaking news broke that Clinton would announce her candidacy on Sunday, by video. Which she did, but she made the entire world wait, like, ALL DAY LONG, instead of announcing it at noon eastern, which she was supposed to do because The Guardian said so, which just goes to show she cannot be trusted (Benghazi!!!!!) — or that she’s a secret West Coaster, because the announcement came around noon, but Pacific time, which everyone knows doesn’t count. Read more on Hillary Clinton Ruins Everyone’s Sunday, Will Never Be President Now…