Hell, we don’t know: “A Republican source confirms that John McCain has chosen Alaska Governor Sarah Palin to be his running mate. Campaign officials, however, remain mum this morning.” One plane-tracking Wonkette reader notes that the plane that may have flown Palin into Ohio last night was classified as type “GLF.” HMMMMMMMM. UPDATE: CNN confirms that it’s Palin. [Chicago Tribune, FlightAware]

Enough of boring old Barack Obama. Who will be McCain’s first black female vice president under the age of 40? Nobody knows! All the news reports are about various people who say they will not be veep! We got yer Sarah Palin, yer Tim Pawlenty, and our boyfriend Mike Murphy said on the MSNBC half an hour ago that his pal on the Romney campaign declares it isn’t Mitt, either. So it’s either Lieberman or the humble roasted chicken to your left. [Political Ticker]

Shadowy “sources” tell Fox News that John McCain might be plotting to steal some of Barack Obama’s thunder by announcing his vice presidential nominee as early as Thursday. This will ensure that McCain’s decision — MITT ROMNEY, OBVIOUSLY — gets even less press coverage than expected. We look forward to liveblogging his enfeebled ode to the Mormon superhero, which will be delivered with his usual zest in front of a vomitous green screen in an abandoned subterranean Iraqi bingo hall for an audience of 40 bewildered senior citizens who came for the free samples. [Fox News]

We were really pulling for Dick Gephardt, but it is looking more and more like Barry’s Number Two will be Texas Congressman Chet Edwards. (Unless it’s Tim Kaine, or some other person! But not Hillary.) This will prompt innumerable conversations about Obama’s surprisingly poor political judgment in picking that Two Americas guy with dirt mansion and the baby mama and the cancer wife. [AP]

That Barack Obama, he’s such a gentleman! Not only does he carry his own luggage when he gets off a plane, he also personally calls the people who will not be his running mates to say, “Sorry bro you are not the one.” (He says “bro” every time because his running mate will be Hillary Clinton.) So uh who did he call last night with this tragic news? MORE »

For weeks John McCain has been saying, “Barack Obama is a pansy the end,” and Barack Obama has been saying, “That’s not very dignified of you,” and so now of course Barack Obama is losing the RACE FOR THE WHITE HOUSE. How can he turn it around and win this thing? By making Hillary Clinton his vice president, which will be fantastic and hilarious because they hate each other so much. MORE »

News flash: Lanny Davis is still out of his mind. The Clinton shill who grumped off to Fox News after everybody was so mean to him on CNN during the primaries has gone off his meds again, and the proof is in a delightful editorial he wrote for the Wall Street Journal explaining why Hillary Clinton is the best, nay, the ONLY option for vice president if Barack Obama wants to be elected King of America. MORE »

On Monday, Barack Obama spent three hours in the offices of Covington and Burling, the workplace of one of the people on his vice presidential selection committee. Also, Caroline Kennedy was in town yesterday, as were David Plouffe and David Axelrod and Robert Gibbs and OH GOD TIM KAINE, THE GUY WHO DELIVERED THAT WRETCHED STATE OF THE UNION REBUTTAL A FEW YEARS BACK, WILL BE OUR VICE PRESIDENT BOOOOOOOOOOO. MORE »

With the exception of the two days following the conclusion of the Democratic primaries, when Hillary Clinton and all her dumb minions seemed to really push the whole “Hillary will be vice president or we will sabotage this whole election” idea, she has pretty much kept her head down, surfacing only occasionally to make another tacky request for money. But despite this display of sorta-team-player-ness, mean Barack Obama continues to state publicly and openly that there isn’t a snowball’s chance in hell she’ll get on the ticket with him. Witness the latest damning quotes, delivered on Meet the Press yesterday. MORE »

Just a few short months ago John McCain and Mitt Romney were sworn mortal enemies, and McCain seized every opportunity to humiliate his pantywaist rival in public. And it worked! Mitt Romney had to drop out of the race after a series of excruciatingly embarrassing losses proved the only people who actually wanted a President Romney were his admittedly massive extended family. But now he’s campaigning for John McCain, who still makes fun of him! MORE »

Hey kids saddle up, it’s time for your thrice-weekly dose of vice presidential speculation. We know that certain contenders have officially dropped out of the race for Our Nation’s Number Two: Virginia Senator Jim Webb, for example, and Jesus. But who else will not be on the ticket? Famous Democrat Hillary Clinton and slightly famous Republican Tim Pawlenty, according to “sources.” MORE »