Maybe John McCain Will Announce Boring Veep Pick On Same Day As Barack’s Big Acceptance Speech!
Tuesday, August 26th, 2008
Shadowy “sources” tell Fox News that John McCain might be plotting to steal some of Barack Obama’s thunder by announcing his vice presidential nominee as early as Thursday. This will ensure that McCain’s decision — MITT ROMNEY, OBVIOUSLY — gets even less press coverage than expected. We look forward to liveblogging his enfeebled ode to the Mormon superhero, which will be delivered with his usual zest in front of a vomitous green screen in an abandoned subterranean Iraqi bingo hall for an audience of 40 bewildered senior citizens who came for the free samples. [Fox News]










We were really pulling for Dick Gephardt, but it is looking more and more like Barry’s Number Two will be Texas Congressman Chet Edwards. (Unless it’s Tim Kaine, or some other person! But
That Barack Obama, he’s such a gentleman! Not only does he carry his own luggage when he gets off a plane, he also personally calls the people who will not be his running mates to say, “Sorry bro you are not the one.” (He says “bro” every time because his running mate will be Hillary Clinton.) So uh who did he call last night with this tragic news?
For weeks John McCain has been saying, “Barack Obama is a pansy the end,” and Barack Obama has been saying, “That’s not very dignified of you,” and so now of course Barack Obama is losing the RACE FOR THE WHITE HOUSE. How can he turn it around and win this thing? By making Hillary Clinton his vice president, which will be fantastic and hilarious because they hate each other so much.
News flash: Lanny Davis is still out of his mind. The Clinton shill who
On Monday, Barack Obama spent three hours in the offices of Covington and Burling, the workplace of one of the people on his vice presidential selection committee. Also, Caroline Kennedy was in town yesterday, as were David Plouffe and David Axelrod and Robert Gibbs and OH GOD TIM KAINE, THE GUY WHO DELIVERED THAT WRETCHED STATE OF THE UNION REBUTTAL A FEW YEARS BACK, WILL BE OUR VICE PRESIDENT BOOOOOOOOOOO.
With the exception of the two days following the conclusion of the Democratic primaries, when Hillary Clinton and all her dumb minions seemed to really push the whole “Hillary will be vice president or we will sabotage this whole election” idea, she has pretty much kept her head down, surfacing only occasionally to make another tacky request for money. But despite this display of sorta-team-player-ness, mean Barack Obama continues to state publicly and openly that there isn’t a snowball’s chance in hell she’ll get on the ticket with him. Witness the latest damning quotes, delivered on Meet the Press yesterday.
Hey kids saddle up, it’s time for your thrice-weekly dose of vice presidential speculation. We know that certain contenders have officially dropped out of the race for Our Nation’s Number Two: Virginia Senator
A lot of people think John McCain supports abortion rights and other things many ladies care about, even though he doesn’t support these things. One of those confused people is McCain’s potential lady running-mate Carly Fiorina. On Monday, she said, “There are many health insurance plans that will cover Viagra but won’t cover birth control medication. Those women would like a choice.” But of course John McCain voted twice against legislation that would require insurance companies to cover birth control. Because seriously gals, just keep it in your pants!
Well, hell. This Sebelius gal won’t be Obama’s veep because she has a
Someday soon-ish, Barack Obama will have to pick a running mate. Alas, it has been many moons since a celestial human born without Sin walked among us, so Our Barry is forced to pull his vice president from a pool of reprobates, losers, and women who are too attractive to be paired with such a handsome man. Seriously! Join us on our tour of three prospective candidates who will never ever be vice president.
Some guy wrote in to let us know that