vice presidents
The White House sent official court jester Joe Biden for a visit with U.S. corporate parent company China to do a little self-deprecating diplomacy dance routine for China’s annoyed rulers to convince them the wayward middle management in Congress won’t sink their investments. Richard Nixon used to just be able to mail a few ping-pong [...]
Just a few short months ago, your Wonkette loved the snow dwarf Sarah Palin and all the adorable scrapes she got into — for example, being sexily “rear-ended” by a complete stranger outside Anchorage. But then one fateful day in late August, cruel John McCain had to nominate Sarah Palin for vice president, and overnight [...]
Poor Ben Porritt. The other night this tragic McCain spokesflak was on David Shuster’s show, trying to explain Sarah Palin’s latest stupidity about how the First Amendment should protect her from being criticized by the press, and it was very clear that this sad young douche needs a vacation. But with only a few days [...]
Last week Sarah Palin was exposed as a vulgar fraud for parading around various poor white trash rallies in gazillion-dollar suits made by foreign elite gays and financed by a shadowy hedonist cabal called “the RNC”. She didn’t say anything about this terrible scandal for a while, because she trusted American voters would be more [...]
Ha ha ha darling cub reporter Damon Weaver is the next Liz Glover! Joe Biden totally treats this wee child like a normal press person — invading his personal space, saying “literally” when he means “figuratively,” and promising that President Barack Obama will start a million foreign wars as soon as he’s in office. The [...]
Oh God Joe Biden is hilarious. He cannot go more than 45 minutes without saying something incredibly awkward. Fortunately, he is so used to making embarrassing remarks that he’s like, “Enh, well, start the clock again people!” and just moves on to the next GAFFE. His Secret Service code name is Gaffey McGaffesalot, because he [...]
AMERICAblog has posted the comical tale of a New Mexico resident who went to a popular local restaurant yesterday and saw the Republican candidates, in the flesh, who both basically ignored him even though he had a cute baby with him. Why do Republicans hate cute babies and men with liberal elitist iPhones asking insolent [...]
The Democratic vice presidential candidate has nothing but wonderful praise for Sarah Palin and how fantastic her speech was last night. He doesn’t know how he could possibly win a debate with her, because she will be such a master debater! And John Roberts is all, “You’re raising expectations!!” because duh. [CNN]
Enh, what the hell. Here is a YouTube of Chris Matthews’s show in Charlie Brown’s Outdoor Park in Minneapolis: a fitting place for Chris Matthews, because his head is exactly the size and shape of Charlie Brown’s (large, spherical). Norah O’Donnell looks, zoiks, sort of indignant! Rachel Maddow makes terrible feedbacks on her microphone! Pat [...]
Here is the story of how John McCain picked his running mate: after Barack Obama selected Joe Biden instead of Hillary Clinton, McCain went on a six-day Nyquil bender and at the end of it slurred, “Get me one of them wimmins.” He had always had his heart set on another salty warmonger like himself: [...]
This morning we were watching the Fox News as Karl Rove tried to explain why Sarah Palin was really the perfect vice president for MAVERICK McCain: because she is a Maverick too, and now they can both be Mavericks together in the snowy hills of the last outpost of the Russian empire, Alaska. Then a [...]
Hell, we don’t know: “A Republican source confirms that John McCain has chosen Alaska Governor Sarah Palin to be his running mate. Campaign officials, however, remain mum this morning.” One plane-tracking Wonkette reader notes that the plane that may have flown Palin into Ohio last night was classified as type “GLF.” HMMMMMMMM. UPDATE: CNN confirms [...]
Enough of boring old Barack Obama. Who will be McCain’s first black female vice president under the age of 40? Nobody knows! All the news reports are about various people who say they will not be veep! We got yer Sarah Palin, yer Tim Pawlenty, and our boyfriend Mike Murphy said on the MSNBC half [...]
