HMM it appears as though greaseball failure Barack Obama is being extra sneaky today in Washington. Several operatives have seen Hussein Obama Jr. inconspicuously wandering about such barren wastelands as “Dupont Circle.” He must be buying drugs from the homosexuals! Or just picking a boring vice president, as per usual. You decide, after the jump.
So what’s been going on with our greatest Vice President, Richard “Dick” Cheney, since we last spoke? Nothing much, just some new revelations about Cheney bein’ Cheney, hatin’ on the environment and such. In this latest news cycle, we have the tale of that time Cheney’s office once edited out six pages of the CDC [...]
JIM WEBB WILL BE VICE PRESIDENT OF NOTHING: Ulster Scot fur-trading frontiersman Sen. Jim Webb has been a frequently mentioned vice presidential possibility for Barack Obama, because he is white and was in the Army for a while. Today, however, he effectively withdrew his name from contention in a statement about how much he luvs [...]
Guess who will for sure be John McCain’s pretend vice president until November 4? Creepy businessman Mitt Romney, that’s who! According to a Super Exclusive and Very Weird Sentence by CO-ED Magazine, which is actually a website full of hot young girls who are more than half naked: “Sen. John McCain will choose businessman and [...]
Vice presidential “hopeful” and Louisiana’s Mexican boy-governor, Bobby Jindal, has just signed into law a very special bill, because he is incapable of vetoing anything and also because HE IS NOT OF THIS WORLD. The bill (now law) here is called “the Sex Offender Chemical Castration Bill, SB 144, authorizing the castration of convicted sex [...]
Louisiana Gov. Bobby Jindal, the Indian street urchin who is also somehow a Mexican Catholic exorcist, is 36-years-old and supposedly “beloved” by his backward state, for being charismatic and Strong. He has been a governor for literally -2 hours. The state has chosen this moment to start hating him, for reneging on a campaign pledge [...]
As a presidential candidate, Mike Huckabee had no money, staff, or knowledge of foreign policy. He did have an economic policy, but it was the Fair Tax, that famously comical pyramid scheme. So how did he get the second most delegates? Metaphors. Extended metaphors. Millions of extended metaphors about key lime pie and yard work [...]
When Bill Richardson, John Edwards, Bob Casey, Sam Nunn, and all those other nuts gave their various flavors of “endorsement” to Barack Obama, the chatter immediately switched to why each of them was the only possible choice to be Barack Obama’s black vice president. And then Hillary Clinton said something phunny, and people forgot about [...]
JIM JOHNSON QUITS OBAMA: Jim Johnson, one of the heads of Obama’s vice presidential steering committee, has already wussed out and given into Republican demands that he resign because of his friendship with terrible Subprimes. When will Caroline Kennedy quit the committee over her ties to a dead liberal father? [Ben Smith]
It is no surprise that John McCain loves Dick Cheney, ever since their halcyon days of fighting in the Vietnam War, without being captured, saving Jesus from the Commies, together, while on heroin. Just kidding, they were both in some form of jail during Vietnam — one for DWIs, the other for being a failed [...]
