Here is a Hot Scoop via our nation’s secret spy network, CSPAN: one of the main guys from John McCain’s VP vetting committee spilled salacious details on how and why Joe Lieberman did not get to be John McCain’s Sarah Palin. MORE »

At this point everybody knows about how Sarah Palin griped at some GOP dinner last week about how there was nobody to pray with before the vice presidential debate besides her speech coach/daughter, Piper. And Jesus. Naturally, McCain aides who suffered by her side for months, TWO WHOLE MONTHS, are furious at the suggestion that they weren’t into all that religious bullshit. MORE »

Jill Biden, huzzah! She should own sixteen Nobel Prizes already, for staying married to the blabbermouth Joe Biden and for sending out a fundraising appeal on behalf of the pants monster Hillary Clinton. Now she deserves another prize, for Truth, because of what she told Oprah yesterday. MORE »

Human dumpster Sarah Palin hasn’t held many unnecessary interviews in the last few weeks, what the hell is wrong with her? Does she want this thing in 2012 or not?? Her lazy ass needs to be in cold motherfuckin’ IOWA right now and every week for the next few years, going to fried steak dinners with the Des Moines Register people and what not. This is what one must do. John Edwards put four goddamn years into that state and look what happened, OH RIGHT, he’s President. Well, Sarah Palin may not have the “grit” of John Edwards, but she’s at least creeping her way back onto the interview circuit. The safe outlets only, of course. Now let’s see what she told the wingnuts at Human Events about her experience on the McCain campaign… ah, she did nothing wrong and wasn’t allowed to do enough right. MORE »

Our Vice President-elect spent a recent evening stuffing Christmas stockings for a charity, with his wife, because why not? It’s not like he has anything better to do! He looks forward to a wonderful first term playing Wii in the Cheney Dungeon and cutting ribbons at state fairs. In having no defined “portfolio” of busywork to attend to, Biden differs from other recent vice presidents. Dick Cheney’s portfolio, of course, included “Making war with everyone, quietly murdering deer, and colonizing Mars” whereas Al Gore had to streamline the government and Dan Quayle had to misspell common vegetables. MORE »

Joe Biden used to have a nice life. He did his work at the Senate, and then he took a relaxing train ride back to his nice house and family in Delaware. Thanks to the sinister schemes of your new president, Barack Obama, the happy times of Joe Biden will all end forever in January, when he will be forced by Secret Service gunpoint to leave his beloved home and take residence in the creepy abandoned lair of Dick Cheney. MORE »

Even if Joe Biden manages to escape Dick Cheney’s house and walk out that front door again… well, he’ll never be the same. Oh, the horrible things he will see. There’ll be no more jokes from Crazy Joe, we’re afraid. [YouTube]

Joe Biden has accepted a rare invitation from America’s most popular politician, Dick Cheney, to tour his off-the-grid slave castle, “One Observatory Circle,” for an “evening sit-down” tomorrow. The tour will kick off with Dick Cheney opening the front door and shooting his successor in the skull, lopping off a chunk of brain. Joe will laugh like a hyena (he is not self-aware). Then Cheney will tell Joe to go down the stairs to check out the awesome finished basement while he excuses himself for a bathroom break. Joe will descend the staircase and find himself in a Soviet gulag. [NYT/The Caucus]

Ha ha ha darling cub reporter Damon Weaver is the next Liz Glover! Joe Biden totally treats this wee child like a normal press person — invading his personal space, saying “literally” when he means “figuratively,” and promising that President Barack Obama will start a million foreign wars as soon as he’s in office. The Biden part of the video starts around 3:30 and is just absurdly cute. [YouTube via Prose Before Hos]

Hurrah, it is a very short YouTube clip! Joe Biden says the middle class’s biggest problem is a three-letter word: jobs, J-O-B-S. Three letters, literally. Literally. [Joe Biden Can't Count]

Sarah Palin continues to avoid the “mainstream gotcha media” wing of yellow black journalists after Katie Couric, the host of a basic news program for old people, proved to be too In The Tank in too many interviews. Since last week’s debate, she’s only granted interviews to such staunch conservative kingpins as Hugh Hewitt, Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity and, today, Bill “William” Kristol of the liberal New York Times. Kristol’s column about it today is called — and may we add that this is hilarious — “The Wright Stuff.” Tomorrow Palin is expected to interview with Montgomery Burns. MORE »