Tag Archives: vermont

  For an America that doesn't suck

Bernie Sanders Will Officially Socialize You, America, From The White House

Rejoice, Liberal-Americansians, for Vermont Sen. Bernie Sanders (Socialist and proud of it!) officially declared on Tuesday that he is running to be president of U.S. America. Awwwwww yeah! And lest you think Sanders is just some silly vanity candidate — like, for example, every single Republican in the race or pretending to maybe be planning to get into the race to boost ratings or sell books — nope, he is dead serious about this, and he’s already raised millions of dollars since announcing in April that he is seeking the Democratic nomination. Read more on Bernie Sanders Will Officially Socialize You, America, From The White House…
  Socialism Nice Time

President Bernie Sanders Will Force Your Kids To Have Free College

Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? Hell no!
Just when we thought we had reached the zenith of our love for Vermont’s proudly socialist Sen. Bernie Sanders, and dead serious Democratic presidential candidate, he comes along and proposes legislation to provide free tuition at public colleges and universities. Just like in civilized countries! The proposal goes well beyond President Obama’s proposal for universal community college tuition, and would revolutionize higher education. Yr Wonkette enthusiastically supports the idea, even if it requires everyone to drive a Volvo. Read more on President Bernie Sanders Will Force Your Kids To Have Free College…
  The Green Dream Mountain State

Vermont Heroes Taking Your Booze Hostage For Legal Weed

We trade weed for beer! It's like Settlers of Cattan, but more fun!
Some Vermont legislators have a pretty compelling argument: If the state won’t legalize marijuana, then how about we prohibit all recreational drugs? State Reps. Jean O’Sullivan, a Democrat, and Christopher Pearson, a Progressive (really!), have filed a bill to prohibit alcohol consumption, with penalties that match those currently in place for marijuana possession and sale. The bill’s language is quite serious about this: Read more on Vermont Heroes Taking Your Booze Hostage For Legal Weed…
  Ecce Jocko Homo

Vermont Proposes Official Latin Motto, Wingnuts Tell Vermont To Go Back To Mexico

Now write it down a hundred times. If it's not done by sunrise, I'll cut your balls off.
Here’s a sweet little story of Democracy in Action. A bright eighth grader writes to her state legislator with an idea for a law: Vermont doesn’t have an official Latin motto, so why not adopt one? And for that matter, make it a reference to history? Neato! Read more on Vermont Proposes Official Latin Motto, Wingnuts Tell Vermont To Go Back To Mexico…
  Bernie Sanders For Everything

Bernie Sanders Has 12-Point Plan To Save America By Eating The Rich

Bernie Sanders, our favorite socialist senator and only socialist senator but still our favorite anyway, has a terrific new economic plan to save America, and it’s so crazy it just might work! Except, of course, that it will never work, because sadly, our Senate is filled with a whole bunch of senators who are not Bernie Sanders, and do not ask the kinds of questions he asks, such as, for example: Read more on Bernie Sanders Has 12-Point Plan To Save America By Eating The Rich…
  Sizzling Sharia

Internet Heroes Defend Vermont’s Bacon From Evil Muslim-Vegan Assault

Meat your maker
Back in August, Sneakers, a little bistro in Winooski, Vermont, put a little mock traffic sign in the flower bed in front of the restaurant: “Yield for Sneakers Bacon.” It wasn’t especially well-received by a woman who posted a message to an online community forum, saying that she was a “vegan and member of a Muslim household” and claiming that the sign was “insensitive and offensive to those who do not consume pork.” She noted that Winooski is a diverse community and made an impassioned case over the little sign: Read more on Internet Heroes Defend Vermont’s Bacon From Evil Muslim-Vegan Assault…
  Your morning cup of wut?

Bernie Sanders Says Shut Up, Pat Robertson Calls For Revolution (Again), And Other News You Can Maybe Use

Sorry, Virginia
We have good news and bad news. The good news is that it’s almost Friday. The bad news is that it’s not Friday yet. Here, have some news to make you laugh, cry, or just go back to bed. Read more on Bernie Sanders Says Shut Up, Pat Robertson Calls For Revolution (Again), And Other News You Can Maybe Use…
  ice cream socialist

Please Oh Please Run For President, Bernie Sanders

Earlier this month, Bernie Sanders told The Nation’s John Nichols that he is “prepared to run for President of the United States,” and now we are treated to a reminder of how awesome that would be every time we read a new “who besides Hillary” item. It is like an It Gets Better Project for socialists. It doesn’t matter at all that Bernie Sanders has little chance of becoming president. A serious Sanders run would act as a year-long opinion poll: “Should Democrats advocate for policies that will make the country better even if some people who run large financial institutions don’t like these policies?” If Sanders can push Hillary even half as far left as Santorum/Gingrich/Cain/Bachmann/Perry/FOX pushed Romney to the right, we might actually be able to vote for her in the general without risking injury to our mortal souls. Read more on Please Oh Please Run For President, Bernie Sanders…
  fried chicken and gasoline

Here Is How You Do Your Non-Apology Apology For Fried-Chicken-Related Racist Facebook Posts, GOP

Are you having a bummer of a day? Maybe work seems like it will never end, or maybe your lumbago is flaring, or maybe it’s just that a black man is president. In any of those cases, we have a hilarious Facebook post from the Rutland County, Vermont, GOP to make you feel better! Just wanted to let you know — today I received my 2012 Social Security Stimulus Package. It contained two tomato seeds, cornbread mix, a prayer rug, a machine to blow smoke up my butt, 2 discount coupons to KFC, an “Obama Hope & Change” bumper sticker, and a “Blame it on Bush” poster for the front yard. The directions were in Spanish. Watch for yours soon. Hah hah hah chortle wheeze KLUNK. WE DIED. But it seems that some stupid sensitive Democrat pantywaists found this, for some reason, “offensive.” Well, here, thanks to the Rutland County, Vermont, GOP, is how to apologize to them! Read more on Here Is How You Do Your Non-Apology Apology For Fried-Chicken-Related Racist Facebook Posts, GOP…
  potato ex machina

Monsanto Threatens To Sue Entire State Of Vermont Over Food Labeling Bill

Monsanto, that sickening institution behind Agent Orange and strawberries made out of fish and sugar made out of Axe Body Spray,* has claimed and will probably claim until the end of time that you don’t really need to know that your “all-natural” cereal is actually created in a lab. DON’T YOU LIKE IT? Don’t you feel yourself turning into a Transformer? But the state of Vermont is particularly not thrilled about Monsanto’s coquettish behavior, and is trying to pass H. 722, which would require food labels to tell you whether a product is genetically modified, and would prevent that “all-natural” designation from appearing on the packaging of a GMO food, BECAUSE IT ISN’T. The corporation has so much disgusting dirty cash on hand, however, that it has decided to intimidate the people of Vermont — not a timid bunch, mind you — out of proceeding with the bill. The sad thing? It looks like it’s working. Fish strawberries WILL RISE AGAIN. Read more on Monsanto Threatens To Sue Entire State Of Vermont Over Food Labeling Bill…
  barely legal

Rad Dude James O’Keefe Releases Shocking Video Expose of People Doing Legal Stuff

Take out your wallet, Tim Geithner, and send nice Breitbart protege James O’Keefe all your money at once! Young master O’Keefe has really upped his game this time, and is currently doing the Lord’s Work exposing murderous African dictators nice Vermont poll workers who don’t ask him for ID, because that is not the law there. OUTRAGE! TEARING OF HAIR AND GNASHING OF TEETH! How dare these Communist Socialist Kenyan Vermonter poll workers just totally follow the law? What is even going on here, SHEEPLE! More importantly, what will O’Keefe expose next? * People writing checks at the grocery store. * Dads who take the kids to school instead of the moms. * Somebody watching HBO instead of TV. *People not being total dicks. Your turn (and better, we hope), plus WORLD-CHANGING video, after the jump! Read more on Rad Dude James O’Keefe Releases Shocking Video Expose of People Doing Legal Stuff…
  what is anything

Super Tuesday Liveblog The Third: Spit It Out, Ohio! And Other Vague Shrugs Of Assent

Hello. What are you doing? It’s time to figure out what some quadrilateral land masses think about three organic masses and one gas, which were each forced to apply for Obama’s job because their tyrannical wives and gas-wife made them. We would say, We are watching this very closely, but that would be plagiarism, so we will just say, We have televisions that seem to work. What’s happened so far is that Romney has won Virginia and hilariously won a large portion of Massachusetts, Gingrich has won Georgia but has yet to figure out what his sleep number is, and Ron Paul has gone to Outer Snow Space to speak to a frozen tundra of anemia sufferers. Santorum has won Tennessee. Romney has also won Vermont, which is a real shame, and we’re still waiting to find out about Ohio, and what percentage of any of this matters. Read more on Super Tuesday Liveblog The Third: Spit It Out, Ohio! And Other Vague Shrugs Of Assent…
  compromises

Irene Victims Can Now Blame Continued Suffering On Troops In Iraq

America is still recovering from that disgusting Hurricane Irene that came to town last weekend, which means that hurricane victims around the East Coast are still without electricity and, as a result, access to basic necessities, like Internet porn! This is the case in Vermont, “where flooding has cut off a dozen towns from the rest of the state and left thousands without access to electricity.” So why can’t Vermont just send in some helicopters and get these people hooked back up to their Netflix and diabetes medications? OH, INTERESTING, it is because all of Vermont’s helicopters are in Iraq, where America is engaged in a war of some sort. We can now probably blame Hurricane Irene devastation on the terrorists, so Obama wins, The End! Read more on Irene Victims Can Now Blame Continued Suffering On Troops In Iraq…
  primary time again!

Liveblogging Florida & Arizona, the Sun Cancer States!

Ha ha, so a couple of your Wonkette contributors were jabbering all day about doing liveblogging, and your editor said okay great but don’t kill yourselves because these “couple of primary/runoff things somewhere” do not exactly leave the nation or even the Wonkette Readership spellbound. And then of course nobody showed up to liveblog at all, because it takes very little to discourage America’s generation of underemployed English graduates. So join us for a few hours of very leisurely liveblogging as results trickle in like fat drops of Ambien-laden urine trickling down John McCain’s slacks. Read more on Liveblogging Florida & Arizona, the Sun Cancer States!…
  but where is the metaphorical jet ski?

Vermont Senate Candidate Approves of Drowning Children, To Make a Point

Len Britton is a Republican from Vermont running for U.S. Senate this election season — and if there’s one thing he loves, it’s sitting idly by on picnic tables while a random adult male throws diseased salmonella pork water on children who then drown in a lake. Britton approves of this evil stunt in the name of “advertising,” he says at the end of the ad. Except this metaphor makes no sense, as the kids are wearing life jackets. So, the people of the United States will be just fine, no matter how much deficit spending their failing government accumulates? Read more on Vermont Senate Candidate Approves of Drowning Children, To Make a Point…