Wonkette

The most widespread form of “life” in Washington is the common Norway Rat, which completely owns the miserable District. Like most stunned bumpkins forced by bad luck or weird morals to the nation’s foul capital, the new editor of Reason magazine is horrified to find that dog-sized vermin live in every home, even the White House. MORE »

* Metro’s new general manager, John Catoe: “One thing that’s amazed me on my commute is the etiquette practiced by the customers during boarding. Everyone is very good about waiting for the train to unload before boarding. It is great to have that cooperation and it helps us keep the trains moving on time.” [Read Express]
* 1/3rd of DC is functionally illiterate. [Metroblogging DC]
* Sam Smith: “DCist, a website that provides Washington’s gentrifying class with superfluous aren’t-we-clever self-affirmation, dumped on a recent Washington Post article about gentrification in the city.” [City Desk]
* Little India in Woodley Park is not recommended, may have vermin infestation. [Rock Creek Rambler]
* Happy Bong Hits 4 Jesus Day, Kenneth Starr! [Big Sky Girl]

In Santa Monica’s Palisades Park, armed rangers are holding down little ladies and forcing anti-fertility shots on the youngsters. This is basically what the rest of the country can expect now that California communist Nancy Pelosi is two Afghan bombs away from the presidency. MORE »

Tom Cruise-enabling Redskins’ owner Dan Snyder announced he was buying the burger chain Johnny Rockets last month, but massive rats at the Georgetown location have apparently revolted against the purchase. MORE »