Wonkette

Libtards are giggling like rich schoolgirls on acid over this one. Along the lines of, JOHN MCCAIN DOES NOT KNOW THAT VENEZUELA ISN’T IN THE MIDDLE EAST! Can you even believe it oh my god blah blah blah. Whatever. They can enjoy getting ulcers over John McCain’s poor choice of conjunctions or adjectives such as “other.” [Ben Smith]

• EVERYONE STOP BEING MEAN!: Georgia lobbed missiles at Russia, then Russia killed everyone, then the U.S. signed a deal with Poland for that missile defense thing just to piss off Russia, and now Russia is selling missiles to Iran and Venezuela just to piss off the U.S. WTF? Why can’t all of these people act like grown-ups, sheesh. [Times UK]

Here is the Absolut vodka ad that is Controversial for appealing to Mexicans, who want to take back the western United States (officially) in their perfect world. Well boo hoo. Look at the upside: Absolut also wants to squash Venezuela’s Hugo Chavez while simultaneously bottle-fucking Puerto Rico. [LA Times]

Each week, veteran Condiwatcher Peter Huestis (also known as Princess Sparkle Pony) provides a summary of the searing wit and infinite wisdom of America’s Favorite Princess Diplomat™!

Condi’s been a gal-on-the-go, a veritable Mary Tyler Moore of the diplotaunte circuit. She traipsed from Switzerland to Germany and then all the way to Colombia and back again. More importantly, using advanced Wonkette Shoe Identification Technology, we can reveal the shocking news that Madame Secretary has shifted her footwear allegiance from Ferragamo to Manolo. All this, Oliver North, and Robert Novak’s wistful dreams of a Condi vice presidency … after the jump!

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Four men were charged in Miami this week with attempting to funnel $800,000 in illegal campaign donations (in cash, in a suitcase) to now-President Cristina Fernandez from high levels of the Venezuelan government. Fernandez is claiming a smear job, the Venezuelans (with whom she’s promised better relations) aren’t talking and the four dudes who arranged the transaction are facing major jail time. The dude that carried the suitcase o’ cash, though, is definitely not getting extradited to Argentina any time soon. Guess we know who the cooperating witness is! [Yahoo News]

Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez, not content with merely changing what time it is, gives half of Canada to the US for some reason. [Free Ride]

“I don’t care if they call me crazy, the new time will go ahead, let them call me whatever they want,” Chavez said on his weekly TV show. “I’m not to blame. I received a recommendation and said I liked the idea.” [Reuters via Yahoo]

* The sooner old Al gets the boot the sooner we get Attorney General Patrick Fitzgerald. [Above the Law]
* Fox News reporters in Afghanistan think American soldiers there are “motherfuckers.” [Nitpicker]
* Tomorrow’s concertless anti-war protest will be opposed by similarly music-free pro-war rally, neither of which anyone gives a shit about. [Jawa Report]
* The rambling political thoughts of Donald J. Trump. [The Swamp]
* Bill Clinton bashes the New York Times for using the kid gloves on Obama and the lead-weighted ones on Hillary. [Horse's Mouth]
* But he’s not talking about his brackets. [Freep (2nd Item)]
* Tune into 20/20 tonight for a lispy tribute to Hugo Chavez. [Business & Media]

Venezuelan oil giant Citgo has paid between $100,000 and $200,000 to Rudy Giuliani’s law firm so the opera-loving Manhattan dandy can plot against America’s freedoms. MORE »

Iowa guv Tom “The Sack” Vilsack stunned the nation with his incredibly creepy Orwellian campaign propaganda, but then he pretty much vanished.

Does anyone actually believe Vilsack has a chance in hell of even winning the Iowa caucus, let alone the nomination? Yes, and his name is Hugo Chavez.

Thanks to “Phil” for the picture.

Guess who doesn’t love the sinking U.S. dollar? Everybody! MORE »

* The 126 House Democrats that voted against the Iraq war in 2002 enjoy feeling prescient, will soon enjoy chairing powerful committees. [WP]
* Robert Gates’s confirmation hearings begin tomorrow, learn all you never needed to know about him today. [WP, LAT]
* The “other” Iraq Study Group, working for Gen. Peter Pace, recommends more troops in Iraq. So, there’s that. [WSJ]
* National Security Adviser Stephen Hadley tells Russert that “significant changes” are afoot for Iraq, still hasn’t a clue what they’re likely to be. [WP, NYT]
* Barack Obama’s massive popularity and promise is pissing off other potential Presidential candidates… [NYT]
* …like second-generation White House grasper Evan Bayh, whose exploratory committee has begun exploring. [WP]
* President Bush can’t stop thinking about those Alaskan oil fields. [NYT]
* CIA unable to sway Venezuelan Presidential elections as Hugo Chavez wins easily. [LAT]
* Steven Spielberg, Andrew Lloyd Webber, Dolly Parton, and Smokey Robinson among those “knighted” at the Kennedy Center Honors last night. [NYT]

• Justice Scalia speaks out against “homosexual sodomy,” boy/girl buttlove still totally awesome. [Raw Story]

• That feeling of dying a little on the inside you get when you read about the latest thing the President has done? Yea, his father gets it too. [The Carpetbagger Report]
• Iraq is now in full-scale civil war. American troops will be unaffected as their orders remain, “just shoot everybody.” [The Swamp]
• If Venezuela gets the open seat on the UN Security Council, they will, “cockblock John Bolton at every turn.” [The Corsair]
• Cindy Sheehan planted her surgically removed uterus in the ground in Crawford, TX. [Hot Air]
• Bush now mining the fertile fields of late ’80s Tom Cruise movies for talking points. [HuffPo]
• Japan reconsidering nuclear weapons — if created, the warheads would be stored in a 5-missle changer available in either black or silver. [Captain's Quarters]

• George Bush wants to stick all 4 inches of his ” fat headed stub” into your ass, and not like metaphorically over gas prices or anything. [Fleshbot]

• Osama Bin Laden totally not dead, just filming new episodes for this season’s Survivor: Waziristan. [Stop The ACLU]
• Scooter Libby, who would be late to his own funeral, was late to his hearing today, and avoided his own funeral. [TalkLeft]
• 7-Eleven terminating supply contract with Venezuelan owned CITGO gasoline to sell its own brand of gas that will presumably come in “Motormelon” and “Octane Chill” varieties. [Hot Air]
• Cancel the Mandarin classes, China’s going bust. [Global Guerrillas]
• Katherine Harris’s campaign office in Sarasota is a great place to get your drink on, says omniscient Google maps. [Herald-Tribune]
• Rising expectations infect bloggers, being invited to the White House no longer good enough. [Hotline on Call]
• Washington Times HR Director tries to lay his hands on some underage human resources. [Fishbowl DC]