Wonkette

• THEY ACTUALLY DID IT: *clap* *clap* to the Stay Red Kansas blog. Since it seems certain that Evan Bayh won’t get the nod, although who ever knows anything, they actually have made good on their pledge to SHUT THAT SHIT DOWN. That’s just too awesome for words. What a freaking day. The Obama campaign has produced a devastating and total mockery of the entire political media apparatus on this historic Friday. Hot damn, did the Internet wake up with its A-game or what? If it got any funnier we’d just have to bomb it. We’re going to have to bomb it, man. Gotta do it in right now. And in a few years this will be one of those Internet days we remember and just laugh.

Oh man, thank you so much Wonkette operative “Dennis” for taking this screen shot of some blog called “Stay Red Kansas” that said it would SHUT THE MOTHERFUCKER DOWN if they were wrong about Evan Bayh being Obama’s choice. Ballsy! But if you go to this blog now, you’ll find that clause of confidence mysteriously removed! Uh oh, did… did it turn out you had an untrustworthy source or two? Well tough luck, Stay Red Kansas, it is too late — you will PUT THAT SHIT DOWN if Evan Bayh is not VP. We are watching. [Stay Red Kansas]

Today has been so fun! In the last however many hours, Tim Kaine, Chet Edwards and Bill Nelson have all been named Barack Obama’s vice president! And now Evan Bayh will DEFINITELY UNDOUBTEDLY get his turn as vice president, because of a PRESCIENT BUMPER STICKER: “KMBC’s Micheal Mahoney reported that the company, which specializes in political literature, has been printing Obama-Bayh material. That’s Bayh as in U.S. Sen. Evan Bayh of Indiana. Word leaked out about the material as it was being printed up by Gill Studios of Lenexa. The Obama campaign had said it would make the announcement by text message on Friday.” And Gill Studios wouldn’t deny it, so, well, you know! But this sticker doesn’t look very Barry-ish. For one, his name is in a RED background, and more importantly, stylish Barry would never stoop to the uncouth level of a serif font. Look at those ugly serifs! Evan Bayh is nothing. UPDATE: Oh no nevermind, he does use that serif font. Evan Bayh is the second black vice president of the United States. [KMBC]

• MAYBE HE IS GOLFING: “Potential Democratic running mate Gov. Timothy M. Kaine quietly left the governor’s mansion this morning, leaving a gaggle of TV cameras staking out the front door. Kaine’s spokesman said the governor would not return home today but gave no indication of his plans for the day, other than to say it’s a personal day with no scheduled public events.” [Richmond Times-Dispatch]

As we wait for the wicked nasty response ad about Rezko and Ayers that the McCain team is surely splicing together right now, let’s “read” some tea leaves: “CHICAGO - Barack Obama says he’s decided on a running mate, but he won’t say who. The Democratic presidential candidate told USA Today on Thursday that he went with someone who is independent and would challenge him in the White House. He also said he wanted someone who is prepared to be president and would help him strengthen the economy.” He’s so weird. Why would anyone want a vice president that would “challenge” him? Sounds like a pain in the rear. But that aside, this obviously changes everything we ever knew about the veepstakes and really everything else too. MORE »

• SPOT THE POOP JOKE IN THIS CLEVER POST: Ew gross: “‘A successful dump,’ [Joe Biden] shouted from his car window when asked if he had anything to report. Earlier, he left with a pile of logs in the back of his truck.” Joe Biden is truly a “regular” guy, wokka wokka!!! [The Hotline]

• TODAY’S POLITICAL GOSSIP RENDERED USELESS: Just up on First Read: “As Delaware Sen. Joe Biden left his home a few minutes ago, golf clubs in tow, he was asked where he was going to be on Saturday. Biden replied, ‘Here’ and pointed down to his driveway. As he pulled out of the driveway in the driver’s seat of his car he then said to the press gathered near his gate, ‘You guys have better things to do. I’m not the guy.’” We really don’t have better things to do, Joe. [Sigh]. It’s totally gonna be that boring Sebelius gal, isn’t it? [First Read]

Two things! Barack Obama will appear with his so-called “vice president” in Springfield, Illinois — where he started his campaign 20 years ago — on Saturday. Oh neat. Also, Mark Halperin hears that Tom Ridge is no longer a possibility for John McCain, probably because Tom Ridge kills babies. So the current veepstakes predictions stand, according to our Wonkette Maths, as (1) Biden (2) Bayh (3) Kaine for the Democrats and (1) Romney (2) Pawlenty (3) Lieberman for the Republicans. But watch out for surprises! Obama could pick a Balinese Cock, because he loves Balinese Cock. [Lynn Sweet, The Page]

With the exception of the two days following the conclusion of the Democratic primaries, when Hillary Clinton and all her dumb minions seemed to really push the whole “Hillary will be vice president or we will sabotage this whole election” idea, she has pretty much kept her head down, surfacing only occasionally to make another tacky request for money. But despite this display of sorta-team-player-ness, mean Barack Obama continues to state publicly and openly that there isn’t a snowball’s chance in hell she’ll get on the ticket with him. Witness the latest damning quotes, delivered on Meet the Press yesterday. MORE »

Hey kids saddle up, it’s time for your thrice-weekly dose of vice presidential speculation. We know that certain contenders have officially dropped out of the race for Our Nation’s Number Two: Virginia Senator Jim Webb, for example, and Jesus. But who else will not be on the ticket? Famous Democrat Hillary Clinton and slightly famous Republican Tim Pawlenty, according to “sources.” MORE »

Well, hell. This Sebelius gal won’t be Obama’s veep because she has a long face; Chuck Hagel won’t work because he’s a Republican; and Joe Biden won’t because … oh no wait maybe Joe Biden would work! Yeah, he’s got an okay face for it, and hair plugs, and “foreign” experience. But you know who would RULE? The fat one who made the slide show about climate change. MORE »