Tag: veepstakes

Donald Trump uses Awkward Handshake! It's not very effective!

Trump Was Trying To Get Out Of Pence Pick At Midnight Last Night, Because He Is A Fickle Dick

It's not often that we at Wonkette are wrong just kidding, it is very often. But the last time we thought we were wrong, we were mistaken. Your editrix (me!) is very bad at political prognostication. This is for two...

Hey Hillary Clinton Could You Pick Sarah Palin For Veep? That’d Be Great, Thanks

Idiot goes on TV, says Hillary Clinton will pick a female Republican to be her VP. We put this idea right where it belongs.

Politico Writes Dumb Thing About Elizabeth Warren. Shall We Read It, Together?

Politico wrote a very dumb thing about the possibility that Elizabeth Warren may like Hillary Clinton. Imagine that!

Totally Compassionate Paul Ryan Is Our New Quayle Palin

Paul Ryan, boy genius, is running around the country now desperately trying not to get ripped limb from limb by olds in their Hoverounds. As a part of this bold new "don't fucking kill me" plan, Ryan is trying...

Chris Christie Won’t Be Mitt’s VP Because Chris Christie Knows A Loser When He Sees One

For months, political comedy aficionados everywhere have been demanding a Romney-Christie "Odd Couple" GOP ticket, where Chris Christie would leave his dirty socks all over the floor after a hard day of screaming abuse at schoolteachers, and Mitt Romney...

Your Wonkette Primer On The Ryan Plan And How It Will Murder America as We Know It

Congrats, Amercia, Mitt Romney picked a VP, and it is Paul Ryan. Of course, dear reader, you are probably already aware of the fact that you loathe Paul Ryan but are unsure about why, exactly. This might leave you...

Romney Taps Ryan For VP: Our Tape-Delayed Liveblog To Honor America’s Olympians

In case you missed it, Mitt Romney picked Rep. Paul Ryan (WI) as his running mate. Here is how they did it: First, they notified Twitter. (Darrell Issa is convening a panel to investigate the national security leaks coming...

Veep Hopeful Rob Portman Just Like Mel Gibson But Not So Psycho, Maybe

Mitt Romney is rumored to be close to selecting a running mate, and there's a testosterone-laden badass on the short hairs list. Ohio Senator Rob Portman told the Associated Press that after flipping his kayak in Chile earlier this...

The Devil Accuses Bobby Jindal Of Sinning In His Heart (And In His Hand) To Amy Grant

Behold this dramatization of Louisiana Governor Bobby Jindal's account of the exorcism of a friend that he performed in college. This is just an excellent film, detailed and insightful about the spiritual warfare that aims to drive Lucifer from...

Condoleezza Rice Changes Mind, Would Like To Be Vice President Now

Haha, hey, remember this? It was the day after the 2008 election, and Condoleezza Rice was crying and smiling at the same time, like a crazy person, about the wondrous miracle that had occurred with Barack Hussein Obama being...

Insomnia Cure: Read This Top 5 Veep Picks List from InTrade!

What is our beloved most recent former GOP vice presidential nominee Sarah Palin doing to claim a paycheck these days? The grifter quitter queen is executing nasal drone strikes on Kansas voters with delusional voice messages informing them that...

Republican ‘Elders’ Hate Fun, Want Boringest Possible VP Candidate

Are you sad because the exciting contest over which angry white fellow would take on Barack Obama in November is now over, and extra sad because the winner was the dude who was super awkward and boring, and not...

Sarah Palin Was Not A Terrible Horrible No-Good Veep Pick, Says Noted Pundit Bristol Palin

Bristol Palin's blog ghostwriter has some important thoughts she would like to share, regarding whether Sarah Palin was a terrible horrible no-good very-bad choice for vice president and whether Mitt Romney should be as stupid as John McCain...

Jeb ‘The Smart One’ Bush Gladdens Democrat Hearts With Vague ‘Maybe’ To Veep Question

West Palm Beach, Fla – Y’all ready to see if George H.W. Bush’s testes can ruin the world (again)? Former Florida Gov. Jeb Bush says he might prove it by considering a shot at the veep spot, if asked...

Rand Paul Turns Down Veep Slot to Marry True Love (Iran)

Well looks like someone has decided not to fight Marco Rubio to the death for the chance to be the losing vice presidential nominee of the 2012 presidential campaign, as Rand Paul ibn Ron has now totally taken everyone's...

Ohio Governor to Ohio: ‘See You Suckers!’

It's not everyday a governor gets the great good fortune to prove his vice-presidential bona fides while also totally boning the citizens of his state, but lucky Ohio Governor John Kasich found just such a marvelous opportunity after five...