• May 27, 2012

veep

Well this is awkward. The good Christian bitches at CBN asked Rick Santorum if he would accept a veep pick from worst Republican in the country Mitt Romney, and instead of pretending there was a chance of beating our Mittens, or cussing him out for asking the question, Rick Santorum said yes! Sarah Palin-style word-salad, [...]

We just received an awesome email advertisement offer that sounds like the perfect way to make random last-minute hiring decisions. Subject: Same day hiring decisions are possible.

Besides her sudden disappearance from tonight’s RNC lineup, there are many other signs that Sarah Palin will be the first major-party veep nominee to drop off the ticket since George McGovern dumped Thomas Eagleton for being crazy, way back in 1972. What are the other chilling new signs of Snowbilly Loserdom?

Poor Sarah Palin! We mean, “Sarah Palin lies everyday about everything!” In any case, our beloved junior governor from Alaska is now embroiled in so many snowbilly scandals that she’s probably not going to last through the week. Let’s start this fun new feature, about all the ways poor Sarah is about to be tossed [...]

by Ken Layne  11:21 pm August 22, 2008

ABC NEWS STICKING WITH BIDEN: Is there Joementum? Biden supposedly has extra Secret Service protection around the house, too. [ABC News]

by Ken Layne  9:37 pm August 22, 2008

BUH-BAYH: It’s not Bayh or Kaine, according to MSNBC. This Jack Reed thing is looking more and more likely. [MSNBC]

by Ken Layne  4:40 pm August 22, 2008

OH HI POTUS ’08 XM LISTENERS: Here is how you send terrible fake Obama veep TXT messages. [POTUS '08]

by Ken Layne  2:21 pm August 22, 2008

HMMM: “Type http://www.obamanelson.com into your browser and see what happens.” Sen. Ben Nelson of Nebraska? Willie Nelson of Austin? Hair-metal twins Nelson? Or maybe something semi-logical, like Sen. Bill Nelson of Florida?

by Ken Layne  1:17 pm August 22, 2008

OBAMA RELOADED: Tipster “Joseph S.” writes: “Obama’s Downloads site is being updated! If you go to his site and click Media, then Downloads, it goes to Downloads v2. However, there is no page there. Something’s happening.” [WHAT IS HAPPENING?]

by Ken Layne  12:19 am August 22, 2008

MOST IMPORTANT POLITICAL STORY OF OUR LIVES: “The website Wonkette might have something to do with the proliferation of hoax messages. At 2:07 p.m. Wednesday, managing editor Ken Layne posted a step-by-step manual from a reader under the headline: Freak Out Your Friends With Fake Obama VP TXT. ‘We are proud to help cause confusion [...]

Wonkette operative “Basart” just sent iron-clad evidence supporting his completely made-up theory that Lincoln “Rhode Island Red” Chaffee will be Barack’s challenging independent vice president — our new LBJ! The list is sure to surprise/confound you.

Here’s some low-level fuckery to get you through the afternoon, courtesy of perverse Wonkette Operative “Bobby,” who sends hilarious instructions for sending legitimate-looking TXT announcements from Barack Obama. Who will be the new vice president? Whoever you want, that’s who!

Let’s review the list of people who will not be Barack Obama’s running mate: Hillary Clinton, because she would poison him; Jack Reed, because he isn’t interested; Tim Kaine, because of the eyebrows; and Joan Allen, because of her rumored college sex orgy. Now there is only one human left on the planet who meets [...]

by Ken Layne  2:40 pm April 28, 2008