vanity fair
Mitt Romney Lies About His BFF Bibi
When we were in high school we had a friend who claimed his family was really tight with Morgan Freeman’s, and he’d tell us all kinds of hilarious stories about the good times he’d had, just hanging out with Morgan Freeman and having all kinds of deep talks wherein Morgan would generously give him sage [...]
Around The World With Lloyd Dangle: On The Trail Of Mitt’s Money
(Zurich) The train to DeGaulle Airport was so hot that the wine I drank the night before poured out of me like water from the Fontaine Saint-Michel. My shirt was soaked and my deodorant was failing, and soon I would be seated inches from another passenger on an hour-long Swiss Air flight to Zurich. I [...]
66% of Americans Cannot Even Guess Approximate Population of USA
What better occasion than the nation’s first caucus/primary thing of 2012 to remember that Americans are mouth-breathing idiots. The new Vanity Fair/CBS survey of U.S. dumbness has been released, and it proves that two-thirds of this nation’s adults have no idea that the population of the USA is approximately 300 million people. You didn’t even [...]
Farewell, Hitch
Our favorite drink-soaked former Trotskyist popinjay passed away today after a well-publicized bout with esophageal cancer. Christopher Hitchens was 62 years old, which is kind of remarkable when you think about it. We will miss his haughty wit and clever writing as much as we’ll miss saying what a hopeless dupe he was, again and [...]
Americans Ready To Swap 1% Bald Eagle For … Grizzly Bear?
The new Vanity Fair/60 Minutes/Dadaist survey is out! What random assortment of inanities will the American People opine on, this time? They would like to vote for Obama over George W. Bush, for one, and they also would like to replace the National Animal, the Bald Eagle, with maybe a Grizzly Bear or a catfish. [...]
62% of Americans Morally Unfit For Amoral U.S. Politics
America’s elected officials range from rat-eyed sheriff bullies who mercilessly persecute the various racial minorities to the president, who constantly murders people all over the world and shovels billions of dollars to Wall Street. And yet, a new survey proves that 62% of Americans “say their past would preclude them from running for public office.” [...]
Half of Republicans Don’t Know What ‘G.O.P.’ Means
It’s time for the greatest scientific barometer of America’s intellect, the Vanity Fair/CBS News poll of dingbat potpourri questions thrown at a representative sample of Americans who haven’t had their phone lines turned off by Verizon yet. What did our pollsters ask this time? To be weird, instead of asking a series of completely random [...]
American Literary Icon Donald Trump Not Impressed With Juli Weiner
Vulgar idiot Donald Trump was born into a multi-million-dollar fortune and still went bankrupt, repeatedly, because he’s so dumb he can’t figure out how to make money off casinos and New York real estate. Is he actually retarded? No, he just talks that way! Donald Trump is actually a respected editor and American literary icon [...]
Richest 1% Should Prepare For U.S. Revolution, Says … Vanity Fair
Warnings of impending class revolt in America are showing up in the weirdest places these days — like Vanity Fair magazine, which just published this terse summary of the situation by Joseph E. Stiglitz. And Stiglitz isn’t talking about, say, the “Ron Paul Revolution,” where some deluded people send money to a wealthy libertarian congressman [...]
Your Beloved Former Wonkette Editor Juli Weiner Is Now In Vanity Fair Magazine
The talent-pool demons at Vanity Fair stole away our Juli Weiner last year, and then they made her blog the same kind of stuff she blogged for Wonkette, but she had to work at the bottom of an elevator shaft beneath the Conde Nast cafeteria’s dumpster chute. It was terrible. Also, David Denby was always [...]
Americans Have No Idea What ‘WikiLeaks’ Is, But Still Love Selves
Look around. Do you see anyone who should be “proud of their life so far”? Of course not. The few people alive who could be proud of their lives are not proud people, so by definition those who claim to be proud of their lives should actually be deeply embarrassed and constantly ashamed of their [...]
Ungrateful Americans Want Congress To Tax Rich To Balance Budget
Once again, we are posting the results of a 60 Minutes/Vanity Fair poll, which sets up a bowl of suet and has Annie Leibovitz take a snapshot of the Americans around it while Andy Rooney complains about how we don’t use suet anymore. So what is the important lesson we have learned this time, besides [...]
Sarah Palin Is Persecuted Jesus Plus Esther Plus Obama-Jesus
The Weekly Standard pamphlet for common-sense Americans has obtained an EXCLUSIVE advanced copy of the paperback version of The Persecution of Sarah Palin by Matthew Continetti, who also just happens to be their personal property. The book, which tells the story of how the media wants Palin to cry all the time, has been endorsed [...]
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