Trials are boring, which is why bloggers are so excited about the Scooter Libby Festival of Lights, but we’re following just enough of this to maybe figure out the following: MORE »

• Heard on the Hill: Joe Wilson and Valerie Plame are planning a move to Santa Fe, where terrorists and Bob Novak will never find them… Two little Indian-American boys start “Macacas for Webb” t-shirt line. [Roll Call]
• Reliable Source: Swedish “rock” “star” Ola Salo recommends during concert that passing airplane fly into the White House. Meanwhile, Sweden’s King Carl XVI Gustaf and Queen Silvia dined with the Bushes. [WP]
• Yeas and Nays: HOT. SENATORIAL. CANDIDATES. And fer chrissakes people, don’t let creepy Mark Kennedy win… Shell Oil prez suggests riding a bicycle… World Series will predict Midterm results. Dems need Cardinals to win, Dems don’t have a shot in hell. [Examiner]

Washington people just never quit working. Bill Kristol rises early to have breakfast with congressmen, Michael Chertoff spends Friday nights securing the homeland’s movie theaters, and Valerie Plame reads political non-fiction on street corners cause she can’t get enough. And kindly father Alito (at right — ain’t he loveable?) spends his weekends carting his daughter’s luggage all over 37th street. This plus philandering soccer players, jaywalking TV gangsters, and mustachioed wrestlers, after the jump!

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Had a long week? Let Today’s Cartoons cheer you up, with their cheerful, hilarious caricatures and subtle wit! Or, as resident cartoon expert the Comics Curmudgeon explores this week, with thinly-veiled profanity and bizarre toilet humor. Same difference, in the end.

After the jump: Dogs peeing on congress and sexually harassing children, the f-bomb, and some serious monster-related creepiness. Enjoy.

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• Ever wonder what passive-aggressive uptight agriculture administrators do when they boil over? Now you know.

• Katherine Harris’s senate campaign reminds us of a kitchy 60’s feminist empowerment fantasy but we’re not sure which one. Oh well, there’s not many better ways to spend a weekend then smoking a joint and watching them all.
• When times are desperate, and you just have to meet Tim Russert, you might want to try showing up on Nebraska Ave. Sunday morning - you know what time - with a nice floral arrangement and a card addressed to, “the most interesting and important man on television.” We’re not sayin’, we’re just sayin’.
• As the Vanity Fair cover fades from memory, Joe Wilson and Valerie Plame decide it’s time to get theirs, hold press conference to let us know. Dick Cheney is shaking in his Allen Edmonds.
• Thanks to Arlen Specter using his “serious face” in negotiations with the White House, a secret court is now allowed to put it’s quarter in the slot and get a 30 second peek at the steamy domestic spying program.
• Is this heaven Osama? No. It’s Indiana, the place where terrorists’ dreams come true.
• We love going Bananas for the semi-monthly “Castro’s dead” rumors.
• The National Press Club makes an honest reporter out of the new and improved Jeff Gannon.
• Wonk’d, Washington’s celebrity sighting column of record, is entered as “Exhibit-W” in the trial for infamous Duke “laxer” Collin Finnerty.

• Wolf Blitzer closes his eyes, counts to three, and wishes that when he opens them all the dead Palestinians will be gone. [HuffPo]

• Small Pennsylvania town increases illegality of illegal immigrants, sick birds. [AP]
• Sign Katherine Harris’s online get well card! Then feign shock when her robot voice won’t stop calling you for campaign donations. [Elect Harris]
• Capitol Historical Society to host reception for “departing” members of Congress, most honorees to arrive by paddy wagon. [Copley News Service]
• Young America’s Foundation staffed by assholes really into IM. [Campus Progress]
• Soon to be the most compressive source for photos of politicians eating babies in the world! [Flickr]

• DC blogger may or may not have been caught on TV thanks to Plamesuit, may or may not have looked cute in gym outfit. [Brunch Bird]

• Your “hottie on metro - m4w” missed connections posting can now be ignored in real-time. [WBJ]
• Senate approves $15M for new downtown library because books in shiny new buildings make people want to read them more. [Inside The DC Bubble]
• General incoherence in advertising be damned, an incredible service is being offered, and soy sauce stains don’t go away by scratching them with your fingernail. [Metroblogging DC]

• Violence in Lebanon and Gaza shows no signs of letting up, with Israel stepping up its bombing of Lebanon and Hezbollah continuing its rocket attacks. President Bush gave his “qualified” support to the Israeli campaign. [WP, NYT, NYT]

• The Voting Rights Act was passed by the House, despite the almost-rebellion of southern Republicans who wished to change portions of the civil rights legislation. [WP]
• The price of crude oil hit a record high yesterday, at $76/barrel. [WP]
• Ambassador Joseph Wilson and his wife Valerie Plame Wilson are suing Vice President Dick Cheney, his former chief of staff Scooter Libby, and Karl Rove for violating their constitutional rights. “Plame and Wilson might be entitled to demand documents from Cheney and others, as well as to require them to sit for sworn depositions….” [WP, NYT]
• President Bush, in Russia, is urging G8 leaders to speak with a “unified voice” in combating violence in the middle east. Bush is expected to gently encourage Russian President Vladimir Putin to be a little more democratic. [NYT, AP]

Valerie Plame and Joe Wilson are suing Scooter Libby, Karl Rove, and Dick Cheney. If you care about such things, they’re holding a press conference at the Press Club tomorrow morning (10 am, 13th. floor). MORE »

Or didn’t get a book deal? This just in, from the Times: MORE »

• White House strategists believe the midterm elections offer Bush an opportunity to “rewrite” and “recover” his presidency. Republicans plan to focus on immigration, tax cuts, and homeland security and will “frame the election as a contest with Democrats, confident that voters unhappy with the president will find the opposition even more distasteful.” [WP]
• The GOP is seeing losses “in morale, in fundraising and in early election contests.” [LAT]
• Rep. William Jefferson (D-La.) was caught on tape accepting $100,000 from an investor-turned-informant. [WP, NYT]
• Alberto Gonzales says the government can legally prosecute journalists for publishing classified information. [NYT, WP]
• Patrick Fitzgerald is trying to prove that Scooter Libby lied based on his knowledge of Valerie Plame’s classified status. [WP]
• Laura Bush is “leveraging her popularity” to boost Republican candidates where her husband can’t. [USAT]
• Senators expect immigration compromise this year. [LAT]

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