Each week, the Comics Curmudgeon helps explain Today’s Cartoons.

It hasn’t been easy for your guest-blogger this week, folks. I’m not really sure how Alex and Ken manage to ride the tidal wave of hate that is the output of the Washington press corps month after month and maintain their sanity. And despite a seemingly promising note from the Washington Post ombudsman (who’s actually a woman, but never mind that for the moment) who wanted to know about my quest to save Mary Worth, there’s been no follow-up from her and thus it looks like the last reason anyone might have for purchasing that rag has gone up in smoke, despite my best efforts to help.

So it’s no wonder that this week’s Cartoon Violence is dedicated to politicians perpetrating senseless acts of violence upon each other … or on themselves.

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So the Post will spend a half-dozen paragraphs re-summarizing everything we’ve heard a million times before about yellowcake, niger, Richard Armitage, and all that bullshit, but they won’t bother to explain why there was a trannie in a pink shirt hopping up and down? MORE »

* Reliable Source: Chuck Schumer still upset about getting a B in 1971 from Bill Bennett… The Sanchez sisters: funny! [WP]
* Yeas and Nays: Would you like to learn a lot about the contents of the forthcoming Clinton smear-job (and FishbowlDC advertiser) The Clinton Crack-Up? Have we got a column for you! … Stephen Breyer will be on that funny NPR news quiz show. You know the one… If you misspell Khalid Sheikh Muhammad’s name, he will politely correct you and then take credit for the death of your childhood pets… Remember the dude who left the map to Rumsfeld’s house at a Starbucks? He’s now the “Strategic Media Advisor” at the Pentagon. [Examiner]
* The Sleuth: Kerry continues to fuck with the dude who wants to be ambassador to Belgium for his donations to the Swift Boat guys… Dems are raising huge amounts fo money in case Tim Johnson vacates his seat. [WP]
* Rush & Molloy: Valerie Plame is canceling all her appearances because her publisher wants her to wait for the book to actually come out. [NYDN]

This week Rudy Giuliani proves there’s nothing more American than baseball and S&M while Valerie Plame and Kiefer Sutherland blow their covers, and Tucker Carlson just blows. Plus Joe Scarborough, James Carville and everyone’s favorite tequila slurping laborer.

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Valerie Plame is testifying before congress right now, as the Democrats try to salvage some scandal from Patrick Fitzgerald’s now-concluded crusade of justice. MORE »

* House approves but Senate rejects Iraq funding bill with bonus troop withdrawal date. Mr. War, John McCain, didn’t bother voting FYI. [WP, NYT]
* California jumps on the February 5th primary bandwagon. [LAT, WP, NYT]
* Henry Waxman interviews Valerie Plame live on C-SPAN! [WP]
* Karl Rove’s greasy fingers are way deep in the attorney-firing cookie jar. [NYT]
* Fred Fielding doesn’t like easy jobs — it’s the hard that makes it good. That, and the chance to eat some Democrats for breakfast. [NYT]
* Does the VIP ward at Walter Reed drain resources from the regular injured soldier ward? Is that even a question? [USAT]
* Start stocking up on champagne, and get ready for the citizenship party of the century! [WP]

* If Nancy Pelosi can get Democrats to shut-up and get in line, the supplemental Iraq funding bill will have all the troops home by October 2008. Hmm, October. [WP]
* Scooter’s appeals process could last until “late 2008.” See what they’re doing there? [WP, NYT]
* How many Justice Department employees does it take to fire 8 US attorneys? [WP, NYT]
* John Edwards won’t allow his golden visage to benefit, “the largest mainstream cable news audience in America.” [WP]
* Joe Wilson and Valerie Plame are moving to dry New Mexico to wait for obscurity to wash over them. [NYT]
* Federal employees in Alaska forbidden to discuss “polar bears or sea ice if they are not designated to do so.” [NYT]
* Congressional ethics loophole means your alma mater could send you and a member of your choice scuba-diving in Bora Bora, no questions asked. [USAT]
* “All told, 2008 is shaping up as the worst presidential year in three decades to be” John McCain. [WSJ]

* Heard on the Hill: Richard Simmons was at the Capitol “spreading joy.” … No more stache for Rep. Peter DeFazio — who will keep the flame alive now? … Congressional Record claims John McCain introduced an amendment in the House. Madness! … Barney Frank doesn’t care if the Republicans obstruct the Dems, he just wishes they weren’t so boring about it. [Roll Call]
* Reliable Source: Local boy makes good! [WP]
* Yeas and Nays: Donald Rumsfeld still alive, hanging out at the Hoover Institution. John Fund got his digits! “Not for an interview, just to talk.” We did not make that quote up… Joe and Valerie Wilson are gone, forever. [Examiner]
* The Sleuth: Bush hosts coffee date for neocons… Vanessa Williams and Dick Durbin: BFF! [WP]
* Shenanigans: Ted Kennedy had yet another birthday party. Everyone was there! … Happy CPAC weekend! … John Edwards: Lying about his favorite movie? [Politico]

* Reliable Source: Spotted: “Morgan Fairchild at the Four Seasons yesterday with Valerie Plame and Joe Wilson.” [WP]
* Yeas and Nays: Dick Morris, David Bossie to make anti-Hillary movie… Joe Biden got shot down when trying to talk to Barack Obama on the Senate floor. [Examiner]
* Shenanigans: News you can use: “New Mexico State Senator Steve Komadina introduced the ‘Right to Eat Enchiladas Act’ on the first legislative day of the session in mid-January.” [Politico]
* Page Six: George Soros called us all Nazis or something. [NYPost]

That was a pretty great trick sending all those bloggers to the Scooter Libby trial — is there a better way to get rid of noisy political nuts than sentencing them to fake jury duty forever? MORE »

The Scooter Libby trial might get interesting next week. Michael Isikoff just posted a short-yet-confusing thing on MSNBC.com that attempts to explain this latest twist. Our interpretation: MORE »