Tag Archives: valerie plame

  It's like 'We Are The World' Without Singing

No F*cking War With Iran, Says Everyone Including Morgan Freeman And Your Mom

Listen to your science fiction president, America
Here is a fun little ad about how to not do war with Iran. We really like it! It¬†features Morgan Freeman, Jack Black, Queen Noor, a lady from that Oranges In Prison show, and the guy from that one movie where Ben Affleck saved America, plus an actual spy (Shhh! It’s Valerie Plame!) and a real ambassador guy who was never in a movie. Put together by an outfit called Global Zero, which has the utopian goal of eliminating nuclear weapons — surely as impossible a dream as ending the Cold War — the ad spoofs the alarmism of the crowd opposing the Iran nuclear deal, and soberly reminds us that the real risk isn’t that we’ll all get zapped by Iranian nukes, but that we’ll end up in another goddamned Forever War in the Middle East. It works! Read more on No F*cking War With Iran, Says Everyone Including Morgan Freeman And Your Mom…
  leaks and the leaking leakers who leak them

Alberto Gonzales Offers Totally Hypothetical Example Of How To Investigate, Say, A Leaked CIA Agent’s Name

Well, this is … this is … we don’t even … FUCK! So, there is a bit of kerfuffle and a hullabaloo about the Department of Justice getting a very narrow slice of two months’ worth of phone records from AP while investigating a leak. For context, Fox News has asked for Alberto Gonzales’s thoughts on the matter, as he is something of an expert, having been promoted to Attorney General after he was White House Counsel when Karl Rove’s chief of staff, Scooter Libby, leaked the name of an undercover CIA agent to Robert Novak, god rest his soul in hell. Gonzales’s thoughts on this are … FUCK! Read more on Alberto Gonzales Offers Totally Hypothetical Example Of How To Investigate, Say, A Leaked CIA Agent’s Name…
  let's party!

Long National Nightmare Over: Jailbird Scooter Libby’s Voting Rights Restored!

It was a dark day in America when Cheney henchman Scooter Libby got convicted and imprisoned by Barack Nobama’s tyrannical army (and its Time Machine). A dark day indeed when you criminalize “politics,” wherein “politics” is defined as “blowing the cover of a CIA person just to make some un-understandable point about … well, we never could figure out what the point of outing Valerie Plame was supposed to be. That her husband was a pussy or something? It really didn’t make much sense.” Luckily, a new day has arrived, and Ol’ Scooty there has now had all his rights restored to him, including voting! Because Republicans are very much into allowing felons who have served their debt to society to vote and stuff, as long as those felons are Scooter Libby. Read more on Long National Nightmare Over: Jailbird Scooter Libby’s Voting Rights Restored!…
  today in boy geniuses

Hero Utah Congressman Jason Chaffetz Outs Pretty Much Entire CIA

Jason Chaffetz, how is your MENSA membership? Still in good standing? Oh, good! Now, we know you and your brethren want to make some political hay out of the Libya fiasco. Who could blame you? Even we were like (secretly, in our brainpans), sup, did Hillz drop the ball? And if hacks like us are wondering that, then it is probably a potent issue indeed! But FIRST you admitted that actually, you and all your GOP buddies had voted specifically to cut funding for embassy security — “priorities,” you said, while accusing Chick Clinton of not having enough embassy security — and then you totally Valerie Plamed an entire CIA … platoon? Gaggle? Murder? Nipple? A nipple of CIA dudes? Well, whatever a bunch of CIA dudes would be. GOOD JOB IN YOUR PUBLIC TELEVISED HEARINGS ON MATTERS OF NATIONAL SECURITY, GENIUS. Read more on Hero Utah Congressman Jason Chaffetz Outs Pretty Much Entire CIA…
  punk'd

Romney Advisor Guy Slamming Obama For ‘Leaks’ Was Same Dude Who Leaked On Valerie Plame

Mitt Romney really wants to be seen as a credible candidate on foreign policy, but finds himself in sort of the same bind that Barack Obama did in 2008: He hasn’t actually done much in terms of foreign policy, so he’s hired a bunch of people to help advise him. How about some ambassadors? Ambassadors are probably good, we think, although we haven’t read that much Henry James. So of course it makes sense that, to support his tough-guy speech on the eve of his whirlwind visit to his money in overseas accounts, Mittens would release a ponderous statement of support from one of his ambassadors on retainer. The advisor, former Ambassador to Turkey Eric Edelman, penned a nice boilerplate paragraph about how Romney’s Reno speech was all “Reaganesque” and stuff, blah blah no apologies for America and so on, and then the thing closes by echoing Romney’s VERY SERIOUS concerns that the Obama administration may have leaked information about the Bin Laden raid and drone attacks, back when everybody on the Right was whining and moaning that Obama wouldn’t release any intel about the Bin Laden raid and drone attacks: Read more on Romney Advisor Guy Slamming Obama For ‘Leaks’ Was Same Dude Who Leaked On Valerie Plame…
  whores

Scott McClellan Tells Congress His Many Terrible Secrets!

Former White House Press Secretary Scott McClellan testified in Congress today about his terrible book, What Happened When I Did Yo Mama, and told them that President Bush may have vaguely possibly ordered former chief of staff Andy Card to order McClellan to deny I. Lewis “Scooter” Libby XVII’s involvement in leaking Valerie Plame’s name, to the press. At least there is “suspicion” Bush and Cheney were involved, somehow, McClellan thinks. Scott McClellan is very Important for this. [AP] Read more on Scott McClellan Tells Congress His Many Terrible Secrets!…
 

WILL HE WEAR HIS ‘GOOD PANTS’?: “McClellan will testify publicly and under oath before the House Judiciary Committee on June 20 about the White House’s role in the leak and its response, his attorneys, Michael and Jane Tigar, said on Monday.” White House lawsuit in 3… 2… 1… [AP] Read more on …
 

When Did Joe Wilson Cut His Hair?

We are a little late to this party, sure, but look at this Clinton ad featuring the once glamorous Wilsons. They have replaced Joe Wilson and his sassy college-professor hair with an angry buzz-cut homunculus, while Sad Val looks like she was told not to shower for a few days before the shoot. Anyhow, the Wilsons want you to vote for Hillary because she will end the war and “get the job done.” [YouTube via TPM Election Central] Read more on When Did Joe Wilson Cut His Hair?…
 

We’re Missing Cheney E-mails That Might Implicate Him? LIES!

On September 30, 2003, President Bush said he’d “take care” of anyone in his administration who leaked Valerie Plame’s secret CIA identity to the journalists. On THIS VERY SAME DAY, SEPTEMBER 30, 2003, Dick Cheney sent out several e-mails that have now gone missing. Our very vice president! Deleting his very e-mails! I know I never delete e-mails. Read more on We’re Missing Cheney E-mails That Might Implicate Him? LIES!…
 

Plamegate Closed!

Former White House aide Lewis “Scooter” Libby has dropped his his appeal in the CIA leak case, his attorney said Monday. “We remain firmly convinced of Mr. Libby’s innocence,” attorney Theodore Wells said. “However, the realities were, that after five years of government service by Mr. Libby and several years of defending against this case, the burden on Mr. Libby and his young family of continuing to pursue his complete vindication are too great to ask them to bear.” Special Prosecutor Patrick Fitzgerald has said the leak investigation is now closed. Libby Drops Appeal Of Spy Leak Conviction [AP] Read more on Plamegate Closed!…
 

Scott McClellan: Depends on What Your Definition of ‘Lie’ Is

The publishers of former White House press secretary Scott McClellan’s upcoming memoir are calling out the liberal media for taking its baby-killing spin on the book’s tantalizing press excerpt. Peter Osnos, founder and editor-in-chief of Public Affairs Books, clarified to Bloomberg News that McClellan does not claim Bush lied to him during the Valerie Plame case: “He told him something that wasn’t true, but the president didn’t know it wasn’t true… The president told him what he thought to be the case.” So we can soon expect Scott McClellan’s second memoir, When Bush Told Me He Didn’t Know He Was Lying To Me, That Too Was A Lie. [Editor & Publisher] Read more on Scott McClellan: Depends on What Your Definition of ‘Lie’ Is…
 

Seriously Though, No Homo

* We’re glad to know that Hillary gives someone a boner. [Wizbang] * If we pave over all the bushes and stuff, there’s nothing left to burn. Duh. [Think Progress] * And also, this is why we need to keep fighting the terrorists in Iraq. [Liberal Avenger] Read more on Seriously Though, No Homo…
 

Secret Agent Gal Promotes Book, Smites Enemies

Hey, everybody, Valerie Plame Wilson wrote a book! We are not interested in helping you understand complex political sagas, but mainly aim to tell dick jokes and run funny pictures like the one above (in which Plame is about to use her CIA training to strangle Katie Couric). And we certainly aren’t interested in reading any God-damned books. Nevertheless, we offer the following highlights from today’s Valtrex coverage. Read more on Secret Agent Gal Promotes Book, Smites Enemies…
 

Valerie Plame Likes Getting ‘Chewed Out’!

Valerie Plame says she’s sorry she posed for that Vanity Fair photo. “It was more trouble than it was worth,” Plame tells CBS’s Katie Couric in a “60 Minutes” interview to air this Sunday. In her first TV interview, Wilson says her CIA boss was blindsided by the photo: “He gave me a really good chewing out. As I deserved to be.” (Nice grammar, Valtrex!). Meanwhile, arrogant ass mite husband Joe Wilson says his photos are just fine, thank you very much. Read more on Valerie Plame Likes Getting ‘Chewed Out’!…
 

CIA Sued for Being a Dick

Valerie “Plame” Wilson worked for the CIA for exactly “20 years, 7 days,” with “six years, one month and 29 days of overseas service,” according to the CIA via the Congressional Record. Read more on CIA Sued for Being a Dick…