valentines day

WINGNUTS FURIOUS  10:10 am February 15, 2013

Americans Very Angry King Barack And Ugly Wife Did Not Have Mac And Cheese With Cut-Up Hot Dogs For Valentine’s Dinner

by Rebecca Schoenkopf

We try not to delve too often into comments sections for material, because honestly. But this, the day after Valentine’s Day, is one of those occasions where it’s sort of impossible not to. Did you know that Barack Obama took his wife out to dinner last night, to the hip new Jose Andres place? Did [...]

IF YOU CAN'T SAY SOMETHING NICE COME SIT BY ME  8:10 pm February 14, 2013

Your Valentine’s Nice Time, In Which We Are Nice To Really Really Grody Folks For Really No Reason At All

by Rebecca Schoenkopf

We know you Wonkers are a persnickety lot, and man are you good at hate! But let’s take a moment to give a Malbec-soaked shout-out to some people we hate while remembering their common humanity. Wait! Where’d you go???

WHISKY DICK  12:30 pm February 14, 2013

Your Valentine’s Cry-Time: John Boehner Hates His Wife

by Rebecca Schoenkopf

See that lady? The one John Boehner is ignoring while being ignored by Michelle Obama? That is no lady, that is John Boehner’s wife! Sadly, John Boehner hates her. And Luke Russert, of all fucking people, got the scoop!

OOH LA LA  11:36 am February 6, 2013

Your Sweetheart Needs Scary Panties For Valentine’s

by Rebecca Schoenkopf

Wonkers, please to have your Official Reminder that if you want romantic panties (with teeth!) for your damsel for Valentine’s Day, you must order them by anytime tomorrow (Thursday, we guess), in order to get them on time through the US Mails. All right! Good post! Let’s look at what else you can buy for [...]

YEEEEESSSHHHH  11:14 am February 14, 2012

Newt Gingrich Wishes You A Very Disgusting Valentine’s Day

by Jim Newell

Wait, wait, we’ll tell you all about Newt Gingrich’s plans to get laid tonight in just a second — that is what you all want to read about, right? — but first: This Newt Gingrich “Valentine’s Day attack site,” Liberals Love Romney. It points out that Romney and various liberal men are gay for each [...]

FLOTUS FILES  4:15 pm February 14, 2011

Michelle Obama Will Cure Your Obesity and Failing Love Life

by Blair Burke

As we all know, First Lady Michelle Obama is a style icon, a champion of healthy eating, and a superhero. But she is also an expert on love, especially when it comes to romancing President Barack Obama. And thanks to some terrific relationship advice from our FLOTUS, instead of eating Lunchables in front of a [...]

IT'S MORNING IN AMERICA  9:08 am February 14, 2011

Egyptian Military Dissolves Parliament, Calls For Elections

by Riley Waggaman

Egyptian military leaders say they are dissolving the pro-Mubarak parliament and suspending the constitution, with the intention (allegedly) of holding elections within the next two months. Military police are still trying to mop up the remaining protesters in Tahrir Square, and banks are closed until Wednesday due to protests by National Bank workers, so basically [...]

EVERY KISS BEGINS WITH KKK  5:01 pm February 11, 2011

Remember To Send Your Rentboy a RNC E-Card Valentine!

by Riley Waggaman

St. Valentine’s Day — the Christian holiday for masturbating alone in your room while you cry — is fast approaching! But who knows, maybe you will meet your soul mate/a naked person on ChatRoulette tonight? Maybe! Either way, you should send one of these electronic RNC Valentine’s Day cards to someone that you hate with [...]

RUMORS ON THE INTERNETS  5:02 pm February 9, 2010

Science: ‘Massaging Your Scalp With Cigarette Ash’ Might Be Ill-Advised

by Riley Waggaman

Aww, Jim Inhofe’s grandchildren built Al Gore a spacious snow cavern to live in! How did they know Al’s fursona was a “homeless but sensitive polar bear?” [Think Progress] Looks like it’s going to be another lonely, miserable Valentine’s Day, huh? Hey, why not fingerbang a heavily-discounted Newt Gingrich paperback from the NRO bookstore instead? [...]

WARBLOGGING  2:49 pm February 9, 2010

It’s GOP Valentine Time, For Your Friends And Sex Partners!

by Jim Newell

Verifiable e-mail addresses not required!

SPACESHIP LIFESTYLES  4:58 pm February 16, 2009

Things Will Be Better in Future Times

by Elizabeth Askew

Valentine’s Day can be a somber affair for some, but the kind folks responsible for Future Times at Dahlak on Saturday made it their job to equitably distribute the love to all who attended. Exciting pictorial fun, after the jump.

A ROMANTIC MESSAGE FROM YOUR REPUBLICAN LOVER  11:56 am February 13, 2009

Romantic RNC Valentines Make Triumphant Return

by Sara K. Smith

Last year the Republican National Committee redefined humor forever with their amazing Valentine’s Day cards. These cards showcased Democratic sexpots Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton imploring voters to have sex with them, constantly, and also raise taxes. This year, they have taken things one step further and devolved into full-on pornography. Come and look! Look [...]

FEDERAL RESERVE  10:40 am February 15, 2008

Paultards Minting Delicious Edible Money

by Sara K. Smith

FUNNY PICTURES  7:17 pm February 14, 2008

Happy Valentine’s Day, Muslim Fanatics!

by Ken Layne

REPUBLICANS  2:41 pm February 14, 2008

More RNC Valentines For You and Yours

by Jim Newell

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