Valentine’s Day can be a somber affair for some, but the kind folks responsible for Future Times at Dahlak on Saturday made it their job to equitably distribute the love to all who attended. Exciting pictorial fun, after the jump. MORE »

Last year the Republican National Committee redefined humor forever with their amazing Valentine’s Day cards. These cards showcased Democratic sexpots Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton imploring voters to have sex with them, constantly, and also raise taxes. This year, they have taken things one step further and devolved into full-on pornography. Come and look! Look and come! MORE »

Well, hopefully YOU have a date for Valentine’s Day, you little minx you. Your Intern the Third will be sequestered, in mourning, at one of the these fine drinking establishments. MORE »

It’s too late for this year, but maybe next Valentine’s Day you can give your favorite Libertarian a sweet treat that’s also a kick in the nuts to the ILLEGAL UNCONSTITUTIONAL “FEDERAL” RESERVE. Start stockpiling now! [RonPaulChocolate.com] MORE »

Thanks to our friends at FoxNews.com, we now know what these Fanatics in Pakistan think about Valentine’s Day, which is Pakistan’s main holiday. So when you crowd into a mediocre restaurant tonight with your primary current sex partner and a hundred other unhappy couples and you all pay $175 for a crappy “Romantic Tasting Menu” and some dried-out cake called “Chocolate Romance Truffle Passion Sponge,” remember that you are fighting the Islamo-Fascists in your own little sad consumer way. [Fox News]

The GOP can’t just pick on Barack Obama with these valentines, because that would be racist. So here’s some clever wordplay, involving two of the alphabet’s most famous letters, “t” and “ax.” [RNC: Valentine's Day Cards]

Are you lonely on Valentine’s Day? The closed social-networking All Stars at Late Night Shots are planning an “Anonymous Love Party” at Smith Point, and you can dedicate power ballads, to no one. [LNS]

For the past 72 years, the Republican National Committee has been preparing for Hillary’s 2008 presidential run. A vast warehouse of anti-Hitlery clip art and dumb slogans was ready for General Election warfare. But now it seems young & hopeful Barack Obama might end up as the nominee. What will they come up with to go against Mr. Inclusive “I Like Reagan” Obama — especially when he already willingly admitted his Ivy League dope fun in a book? The answer is “complain that he hasn’t been in Washington long enough.” [RNC Valentine]

Ron Paul, presidential frontrunner and our nation’s last surviving delegate to the Constitutional Convention, signed a copy of his favorite publication and now it is available for purchase on the eBay. Bidding for a Ron Paul-autographed Constitution was at $26 at time of writing. Not sold? What if the seller were to throw in a mysterious “free gift” of some sort, a precious bauble of divine origin? MORE »

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* LNS Valentine’s Day party at Smith Point. BYODeep-set shame. [why.i.hate.dc]
* Love Sux Party at Wonderland. No Jimmy Eat World allowed. [Brightest Young Things]
* America’s receptacle, the Smithsonian, celebrates Valentine’s Day with David Anthony Durham’s Pride of Carthage, a “sweeping saga of Hannibal’s war against the Roman Empire.” $25 at 6:30PM. [Smithsonian]
* The Lady Eve at AFI. $9.25 at 7PM. [AFI]