Wonkette

It’s too late for this year, but maybe next Valentine’s Day you can give your favorite Libertarian a sweet treat that’s also a kick in the nuts to the ILLEGAL UNCONSTITUTIONAL “FEDERAL” RESERVE. Start stockpiling now! [RonPaulChocolate.com] MORE »

Thanks to our friends at FoxNews.com, we now know what these Fanatics in Pakistan think about Valentine’s Day, which is Pakistan’s main holiday. So when you crowd into a mediocre restaurant tonight with your primary current sex partner and a hundred other unhappy couples and you all pay $175 for a crappy “Romantic Tasting Menu” and some dried-out cake called “Chocolate Romance Truffle Passion Sponge,” remember that you are fighting the Islamo-Fascists in your own little sad consumer way. [Fox News]

The GOP can’t just pick on Barack Obama with these valentines, because that would be racist. So here’s some clever wordplay, involving two of the alphabet’s most famous letters, “t” and “ax.” [RNC: Valentine's Day Cards]

Are you lonely on Valentine’s Day? The closed social-networking All Stars at Late Night Shots are planning an “Anonymous Love Party” at Smith Point, and you can dedicate power ballads, to no one. [LNS]

For the past 72 years, the Republican National Committee has been preparing for Hillary’s 2008 presidential run. A vast warehouse of anti-Hitlery clip art and dumb slogans was ready for General Election warfare. But now it seems young & hopeful Barack Obama might end up as the nominee. What will they come up with to go against Mr. Inclusive “I Like Reagan” Obama — especially when he already willingly admitted his Ivy League dope fun in a book? The answer is “complain that he hasn’t been in Washington long enough.” [RNC Valentine]

Ron Paul, presidential frontrunner and our nation’s last surviving delegate to the Constitutional Convention, signed a copy of his favorite publication and now it is available for purchase on the eBay. Bidding for a Ron Paul-autographed Constitution was at $26 at time of writing. Not sold? What if the seller were to throw in a mysterious “free gift” of some sort, a precious bauble of divine origin? MORE »

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* LNS Valentine’s Day party at Smith Point. BYODeep-set shame. [why.i.hate.dc]
* Love Sux Party at Wonderland. No Jimmy Eat World allowed. [Brightest Young Things]
* America’s receptacle, the Smithsonian, celebrates Valentine’s Day with David Anthony Durham’s Pride of Carthage, a “sweeping saga of Hannibal’s war against the Roman Empire.” $25 at 6:30PM. [Smithsonian]
* The Lady Eve at AFI. $9.25 at 7PM. [AFI]

Reposted late due to technical error — sue us. MORE »

* LNS Party Crash — Valentine’s Day Party at Smith Point. Let Rusty be your guide. [why.i.hate.dc]
* Even if you’re not single this Valentine’s Day, deep down you know that no one really loves you. Sooth your soul with a free cupcake from Cal Tort tomorrow. [prof & ponder]
* Great photo of 11th & F after the 1968 riots. [City Desk]
* “Can you imagine what would happen if people in Paris, London, Rome, or Vienna couldn’t vote?” [alternative hippopotamus]
* Valentine’s kid shot at 7th and G St NW. [Gallery Place Living]

* Free rape cave. [CL]
* Touch someone. Perform your “BREAKUP STORIES, EMBARRASSING LOVE LETTERS (THOSE RECEIVED and THOSE WRITTEN AND MERCIFULLY UNSENT) and OTHER ASSORTED TALES of ROMANTIC WOE.” [Metroblogging DC]
* Raven II coming soon. [Counter Intelligence]
* “If Metro behavior was a factor in determining whether most of you are fit parents, the answer would be a resounding NO.” [Texpundit]
* Photos from Sunday night’s Deerhoof show. [Pancake Mountain]

* Heard on the Hill: It is possible to vaguely connect the death of Anna Nicole Smith to Congress. [Roll Call]
* Reliable Source: In what might be the single weirdest Reliable Source item we’ve ever seen, Amy and Roxanne uncover a heretofore unpublished love letter from Woodrow Wilson to his eventual wife. Woodrow signed it, “Tiger.” [WP]
* Yeas and Nays: Darrell Issa asked grieving widows testifying before Congress who wrote their opening statement… The National Association of Manufacturers accidentally scheduled their congressional reception on Valentine’s Day… Nancy Pelosi added the first anniversary of Dick Cheney shooting that guy to the calender she sent to Democrats last week. [Examiner]
* Washington Whispers: “Top secret” religious right group (members include Tim LaHaye and James Dobson) prefers Mike Huckabee to Mitt Romney 60-40. [USN&WR]

What we learned: MORE »

An embedded congressional operative recently sent us this little document, just in time for Valentine’s Day. Because we are living in a world where Lite-Brites shut down major cities for entire panicky days, Congress cannot be too careful when it comes to obviously harmless signifiers of childlike joy.

So if you’d like to send Michele Bachmann some chocolates, remember that “flowers, cards, candy, and gifts of any type” will be held “off-site” in quarantine for at least two days.

Furthermore, if you’d like to directly send Denny Hastert a pick-me-up bouquet, someone in his office will have to engage in some Deep Throat shit to pick it up:

If you are contacted by a delivery person who wants to deliver cut flowers, please instruct the delivery person to meet you in an outside public area. You must meet the delivery person, inspect the flowers and bring the flowers into the House Office complex yourself.

The vigilance of the Capitol Police has ensured that the easiest way to completely shut down the entire Capitol complex this Valentine’s season is to send everyone in congress a single rose.

Full policy after the jump.

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