vaginas

The curtain opens on a  generic office setting. THE BOSS sits behind a desk, feet up, hands folded behind head. His employee, LADY WORKER, enters, looking nervous.  LADY WORKER: You wanted to see me? THE BOSS: Yes, yes. Do sit down, child. Wait, you do not have your period, do you? LADY WORKER: Excuse me? THE […]

Has your place of employment ever explained how you should clean and care for your vagina? No? Well, maybe you’re doin’ it wrong. If no one ever told you, how do you know you’re doin’ it right? We here at Happy would like to offer the Buffalo Bills a hearty congratulations for taking the initiative […]

Here’s one for the “compelling explanations” file: On Fox News on Sunday (but not Fox News Sunday, that’s different), Brit Hume was ready to mansplain away that whole crazy “Chris Christie is a vindictive bully” thing. Turns out, that is all a matter of perception that depends a great deal on whether you are a […]

A&E Network has suspended Phil Robertson, star of the Duck Dynasty teevee program, following his charming opinions on teh gheys and what they do with their man-parts. In a recent interview in GQ, Robertson explained that “It seems like, to me, a vagina—as a man—would be more desirable than a man’s anus. That’s just me. […]

New York police officer Gil Valle had some devilish plans for roughly 100 women that were not very nice. He was going to kidnap them, tie them to some sort of cooking implement, and then roast them slowly, keeping them alive for his hellish torture as long as possible. But raping them? Nah mang. Rape […]

Michigan Speaker of the House Jase Bolger has a well-known antipathy for vagina. He famously reprimanded two state representatives for defiling the sanctity of the state House floor by uttering the foul, anatomically correct word. This week a militant, likely working with the ultra-radical Mike Hunt Liberation Front, struck back with a direct action against […]

Heroes of fiscal discipline in North Carolina have made an astonishing discovery: paying compensation to the victims of a horrible crime does not actually make that crime un-happen in the past! Because of this ironclad law of physics, Republicans in the North Carolina Senate blocked an attempt to compensate surviving victims of the state’s eugenics […]

Is everyone tired of talking about Michigan and vaginas and vaginas in Michigan? No, apparently not, because state Rep. Wayne Schmidt (R - Qom Traverse City) wants you to know the state House didn’t muzzle Lisa Brown for saying vagina. Why, Wayne Schmidt has no problem with the word vagina. He even said it on the […]

Your Wonkette did not go to the Vagina Monologues fun time at the Michigan State Capitol because Lansing is a long drive. Also, with that many women gathered in one place, you’re liable to attract bears. Fortunately, there were no bear attacks Monday and even more fortunately intrepid gay Todd Heywood braved this sea of […]

Members of the Michigan legislature are expected to behave in a manner that is becoming, not only of the dignity and responsibility of their high office, but of the people they represent. That’s why the Honorable Frank Foster, member of the Michigan House of Representatives, did the only gentlemanly thing possible when Michigan Nurses Association […]

Thank Jeebus that growing (medicinal) pot is legal in Arizona. Because if you have half a brain, you pretty much have to be stoned 24/7 in order to live there. Now, if you happen to be a woman with a brain AND an active libido, you might as well high-tail it right outa Dodge. Because […]

Oh, hello, beasts of burden. Remember me? I’m good ol’ Sara Benincasa, your friend from the days of a kkkolumn called Barry Can You Hear Me? Well now I am Back, hahaha, and more terrible than ever. So terrible, in fact, that tonight I am hosting a party for the feared chieftainesses of wimmin’s lib […]

Hilarious radio satirist Rush Limbaugh pulled his biggest prank on far-right AM radio listeners and the entire Republican Party last week, when he took the GOP fringe-right religious-fanatic attack on birth control and turned it into a full Republican attack on all women. Now, as advertisers abandon the radio program and the GOP presidential candidates […]

Oh, how cute, the Virginia Senate has voted 21-19 in favor of a bill to ensure Dave Albo’s wife never sexes him again. Since determining that the howling shrieking whorish harpies bitching about their Jesus-mandated transvaginal ultrasounds might actually persuade all womyn to never vote Republican again, the GOP listened, and amended their bill to […]