Tag Archives: vaginas

  where's the teeth?

Here Is A Picture Of Mitt Romney’s Grandchildren Inside A Giant Vagina

Mitt Romney went camping and he was all blah blah blah the American West and air conditioning and there’s nothing more important than family, also the Ukraine. Honestly, you don’t need to read it, it is boring and lame and it doesn’t even say anything unintentionally hilarious and his wife Egg didn’t even say anything about how UNLIKE MICHELLE OBAMA, she loves her family. Good god, that woman is a fucking cunt. Read more on Here Is A Picture Of Mitt Romney’s Grandchildren Inside A Giant Vagina…
  smells like team spirit

The Buffalo Bills Will Helpfully Teach Cheerleaders How To Wash Their Lady Parts And Menstruate Properly

Has your place of employment ever explained how you should clean and care for your vagina? No? Well, maybe you’re doin’ it wrong. If no one ever told you, how do you know you’re doin’ it right? We here at Happy would like to offer the Buffalo Bills a hearty congratulations for taking the initiative and creating a handy-dandy manual that teaches their cheerladies, known far and wide by no one as the Jills, how to groom everything from their hair to their ladybits. Read more on The Buffalo Bills Will Helpfully Teach Cheerleaders How To Wash Their Lady Parts And Menstruate Properly…
  won't someone think of the bullies?

Fox’s Brit Hume: Chris Christie Only Seems Like A Bully If You Think With Your Vagina

Here’s one for the “compelling explanations” file: On Fox News on Sunday (but not Fox News Sunday, that’s different), Brit Hume was ready to mansplain away that whole crazy “Chris Christie is a vindictive bully” thing. Turns out, that is all a matter of perception that depends a great deal on whether you are a gyno-American! On Fox’s Media Buzz, host Howard Kurtz asked if Christie’s political prospects would be damaged by the perception that he’s a bully. Nah, mang, said Hume, Christie isn’t a bully at all: “I have to say that in this sort of feminized atmosphere in which we exist today, guys who are masculine and muscular like that in their private conduct and are kind of old-fashioned tough guys run some risks.” Why, it is getting so bad with all the vagina in here that the great American tradition of pursuing petty vendettas against your enemies (and delaying paramedics, too — never forget the delayed paramedics) gets called “bullying.” It’s a sad day when raging American revenge-boners can’t do what must be done just because some little ladies in the media think waving your dick around isn’t politically correct. Read more on Fox’s Brit Hume: Chris Christie Only Seems Like A Bully If You Think With Your Vagina…
  free speech cluster duck

Barack Obama Puts Duck Dynasty Guy In Free Speech Prison

A&E Network has suspended Phil Robertson, star of the Duck Dynasty teevee program, following his charming opinions on teh gheys and what they do with their man-parts. In a recent interview in GQ, Robertson explained that Read more on Barack Obama Puts Duck Dynasty Guy In Free Speech Prison…
  rape of the baking women

Devilish NYPD ‘Cannibal Cop’ Planned To Cook Women Alive, Was Less Creepy On Rape Than Entire GOP

New York police officer Gil Valle had some devilish plans for roughly 100 women that were not very nice. He was going to kidnap them, tie them to some sort of cooking implement, and then roast them slowly, keeping them alive for his hellish torture as long as possible. But raping them? Nah mang. Rape isn’t his bag. This means, of course, that a man who planned to kidnap, torture, cook and eat women is less creepy on women’s autonomy than the entirety of the GOP. Read more on Devilish NYPD ‘Cannibal Cop’ Planned To Cook Women Alive, Was Less Creepy On Rape Than Entire GOP…
  it's because they have teeth

Helpful Sign On Michigan Politician’s Porch Lets World Know How He Feels About Vag

Michigan Speaker of the House Jase Bolger has a well-known antipathy for vagina. He famously reprimanded two state representatives for defiling the sanctity of the state House floor by uttering the foul, anatomically correct word. This week a militant, likely working with the ultra-radical Mike Hunt Liberation Front, struck back with a direct action against Bolger’s home. Basically, singer Laura Love hung a banner on his porch that says “Vaginas Are Revolting.” Read more on Helpful Sign On Michigan Politician’s Porch Lets World Know How He Feels About Vag…
  Also Margaret Sanger was a Nazi

NC Senate To Victims Of Forced Sterilization: Too Bad, So Sad

Heroes of fiscal discipline in North Carolina have made an astonishing discovery: paying compensation to the victims of a horrible crime does not actually make that crime un-happen in the past! Because of this ironclad law of physics, Republicans in the North Carolina Senate blocked an attempt to compensate surviving victims of the state’s eugenics program — for which compensation the NC House had authorized $10 million — because really, what good would money do to make up for their being forcibly sterilized decades ago? “You just can’t rewrite history. It was a sorry time in this country,” said alleged human being and state Sen. Don East (R). “I’m so sorry it happened, but throwing money don’t change it, don’t make it go away. It still happened.” (Excellent use of the passive voice there — we guess mistakes were made!) Besides, in 2002, then-Gov. Mike Easley issued a one-sentence apology that said it was a “regrettable episode in North Carolina’s past,” for godssakes, so what do these people even WANT? Between 1929 and 1974, the North Carolina Eugenics Board sterilized about 7600 people to improve humanity; surprisingly, most of them were poor, black, disabled, or institutionalized. (Fun fact! For the program’s first 30 years, twice as many whites as blacks were sterilized. From 1960 to 1969, though, that reversed, almost as if North Carolina were using sterilization as a means of controlling the Negro Problem!) Consider the case of Elaine Riddick, who was 13 when she was raped by a neighbor and became pregnant. The NC Eugenics Board decided that she was “feebleminded” and almost certain to be promiscuous, because why else would a 13 year old go and get herself raped? The Board wrote at the time: Read more on NC Senate To Victims Of Forced Sterilization: Too Bad, So Sad…
  also vaginas

Michigan Lawmaker Simply Does Not Care For Radical Feminist ‘No Means No’ Ideology

Is everyone tired of talking about Michigan and vaginas and vaginas in Michigan? No, apparently not, because state Rep. Wayne Schmidt (R – Qom Traverse City) wants you to know the state House didn’t muzzle Lisa Brown for saying vagina. Why, Wayne Schmidt has no problem with the word vagina. He even said it on the radio to Lansing morning host Michael Patrick Shiels! So brave. What Wayne Schmidt does have a problem with is Lisa Brown saying “no means no” because that’s really offensive. So she was put in a time out. Like a four-year-old. His words. [YouTube] Read more on Michigan Lawmaker Simply Does Not Care For Radical Feminist ‘No Means No’ Ideology…
  no means no

A Children’s Treasury Of Impolite-For-Mixed-Company Signs From Michigan’s Vagina Fest

Your Wonkette did not go to the Vagina Monologues fun time at the Michigan State Capitol because Lansing is a long drive. Also, with that many women gathered in one place, you’re liable to attract bears. Fortunately, there were no bear attacks Monday and even more fortunately intrepid gay Todd Heywood braved this sea of vaginally endowed activists for local LGBT newspaper Between The Lines. Heywood (a fantastic journalist who’s done some incredible work on public health policy) and his employer were kind enough to share these pictures from an event Larry Craig might describe as “icky.” Read more on A Children’s Treasury Of Impolite-For-Mixed-Company Signs From Michigan’s Vagina Fest…
  a representative and a gentleman

Hero Michigan Rep. Frank Foster Identifies Appropriate Words For Lady Parts

Members of the Michigan legislature are expected to behave in a manner that is becoming, not only of the dignity and responsibility of their high office, but of the people they represent. That’s why the Honorable Frank Foster, member of the Michigan House of Representatives, did the only gentlemanly thing possible when Michigan Nurses Association staffer Julia Smith-Heck wouldn’t stop mowing her lawn while Foster was a guest in Smith-Heck’s neighborhood last month: he called her a cunt. As a matter of fact, Foster shouted “you’re a cunt” from across the street. Like a gentleman! Read more on Hero Michigan Rep. Frank Foster Identifies Appropriate Words For Lady Parts…
  born free

Arizona Governor Jan Brewer Owns Your Vag But Penises Must Run Free

Thank Jeebus that growing (medicinal) pot is legal in Arizona. Because if you have half a brain, you pretty much have to be stoned 24/7 in order to live there. Now, if you happen to be a woman with a brain AND an active libido, you might as well high-tail it right outa Dodge. Because Governor Jan Brewer hates your vagina. Read more on Arizona Governor Jan Brewer Owns Your Vag But Penises Must Run Free…
  sara can you hear me?

Sara Benincasa Fights For Vagina Rights At Fiesta In NYC Tonight

Oh, hello, beasts of burden. Remember me? I’m good ol’ Sara Benincasa, your friend from the days of a kkkolumn called Barry Can You Hear Me? Well now I am Back, hahaha, and more terrible than ever. So terrible, in fact, that tonight I am hosting a party for the feared chieftainesses of wimmin’s lib right here in New York City, a place where I am and maybe you are as well! It is called The 5th Annual Roe on the Rocks Benefit for Planned Parenthood of NYC, and it is going to be so very much fun. Anyhoozles, I am very nervous about this rock and roll show because I want to do a very good job and make the feminists laff in the midst of our current collective Vale of Tears. Basically, I am Bob Hope and we are at War against the people who are at War on Womynz, so I will wear a suit and talk into an old-fashioned microphone and bring up a ditzy, zazzy pin-up gal to rally the troops, and the troops will drink champagne and laugh about old tymes and then ask each other why it is, exactly, that in 2012 elected, educated, adult human officials believe “birth control” is something made by witches with mortar and pestle under a waxing moon during the Rutting Season. You could be there! You SHOULD be there! Read more on Sara Benincasa Fights For Vagina Rights At Fiesta In NYC Tonight…
  double agents

Secret Liberal Rush Limbaugh Cleverly Kills Republican Party

Hilarious radio satirist Rush Limbaugh pulled his biggest prank on far-right AM radio listeners and the entire Republican Party last week, when he took the GOP fringe-right religious-fanatic attack on birth control and turned it into a full Republican attack on all women. Now, as advertisers abandon the radio program and the GOP presidential candidates are jabbering tongue-tied nonsense when asked for the official Republican position on all women being sluts and prostitutes for using basic birth control, the comedic genius Rush Limbaugh is having his biggest laugh yet. We can only imagine the high-fives that Rush and Obama are giving each other today, on the golf course. Read more on Secret Liberal Rush Limbaugh Cleverly Kills Republican Party…
  Virginia Is for Losers

Virginia Senate Passes Marginally Less Rapey Ultrasound Bill

Oh, how cute, the Virginia Senate has voted 21-19 in favor of a bill to ensure Dave Albo’s wife never sexes him again. Since determining that the howling shrieking whorish harpies bitching about their Jesus-mandated transvaginal ultrasounds might actually persuade all womyn to never vote Republican again, the GOP listened, and amended their bill to make sure the sluts only had to look at their Precious Bundles on the belly type of ultrasound instead of the in-puss kind. Read more on Virginia Senate Passes Marginally Less Rapey Ultrasound Bill…
  cocktober surprisier

What Did Gawker Leave Out of Their Christine O’Donnell Pubic-Hair Story?

As we all know, some bro’s account of what Christine O’Donnell’s pubic hair looks like shows she is hypocritical on the most important political issues, and that is why Gawker, according to them, posted that gross account of her naked body on the Internet, for which they paid thousands of dollars. (Haha, you have already clicked on the jump to this story because we put up that picture of her and are talking about her sex life. WE GET IT, THIS IS OUR THING TOO A LOT. Thank you, Gawker.) So yes, the “hypocritical” thing is one way Gawker has been defending this. Another: “We did have to make some judgements,” editor Remy Stern said. “There was some salacious stuff that we didn’t put in.” Really? We have some guesses as to what that stuff is! Read more on What Did Gawker Leave Out of Their Christine O’Donnell Pubic-Hair Story?…
  cocktober surprise

Some Weird Guy Says He Got Naked With Christine O’Donnell Once

Who is mackin’ on Christine O’Donnell here in this crappy bar somewhere with Philadelphia Eagles posters on the fake paneling? Why is she rocking the “sexy insect” costume? Didn’t she know Halloween is for Witches? Well, whatever masturbating happened on this night was of the “mutual” variety, according to the anonymous author of this Gawker post about having a “one-night stand” with Christine O’Donnell, America’s sexy 41-year-old Delaware Water Witch. Read more on Some Weird Guy Says He Got Naked With Christine O’Donnell Once…
 

Australian Leader Caught Sniffing Lady Staffer’s Chair

The leader of Australia’s Liberal party (“the opposition”), Troy Buswell, likes his staffer ladies. First, in late 2005, he “crawled around on his hands and knees in front of a former Liberal staffer before she left the job.” Then earlier this year he snapped open another staffer’s bra. But hey, you work in the Australian parliament, you know what you’re getting into! Yet there is no real excuse for Buswell’s coup de grace: sniffing some staffer gal’s chair, for its lady scent. Read more on Australian Leader Caught Sniffing Lady Staffer’s Chair…
 

You’ve just written a book called Evaluating a Decade of World Bank Gender Policy: 1990-99. Problem: how to get people to read something called Evaluating a Decade of World Bank Gender Policy: 1990-99? Solution: subliminal cover photography. [Amazon] Read more on …
 

Metro Section: D’vine

* Most things in DC, including the housing market, look a lot like 1996. [Urban Trekker] * Reviews of the D’vine Cravings Bakery and The Julie Sumner Salon and Spa, both opening in Shaw. [remaking le slum historique] * A case for the Slack Key Guitar showcase at Wolf Trap. [Read Express] * For sale: velvet painting of Karl Rove’s vagina neck. Father’s Day? [Metroblogging DC] * On the tricky logistics of getting Arcade Fire tickets: “We here at The Upstate Life are more concerned about fucking up the image verification system than anything else. One slip of the finger can seriously push you back ten rows at the very least. Shit is harder to read than a tourist interpreting a DC cab zone map.” [The Upstate Life] Read more on Metro Section: D’vine…
 

Gossip Roundup: Crazy Old Guy Hates Kids Today

* Reliable Source: Dude who tried to buy the Nats promised a charitable donation he never sent. [WP] * Yeas and Nays: Pat Boone at Heritage warns of coming Armageddon, suggest throwing Supreme Court into harbor… State Department links to Embassy websites all broken. [Examiner] * Page Six: Lord only knows why, but Page Six asked Al Gore if he thinks Britney Spears should wear underwear. “No comment,” he said. [NYP] Read more on Gossip Roundup: Crazy Old Guy Hates Kids Today…