Sanford Went On Sexy Solo Vacation To Buenos Aires, Not Appalachia
Wednesday, June 24th, 2009
What in holy Hell has Mark Sanford been up to? He did NOT go nude tree-humping with a bunch of federally funded nature queers on the Appalachian Trail this weekend; instead, he went to Buenos Aires. Anybody who has left the house thinking they’d like to go on a local nature hike and ended up spending the weekend in an exotic South American capital can agree that this is a perfectly normal switcheroo! MORE »
Once upon a time when people played poker and they came across somebody who lost very large and predictable amounts at the table, other players would say, “I’d like to get you on a slow boat to China,” so that this loser could continue to shed large amounts of cash for a long period of time. You see how this all relates to the prolonged and expensive death of the McCain campaign? Good. 
The Great Media Sweepstakes of Summer 2008 has a winner! Some lackey pool reporter was lucky enough to spy on Barack Obama’s private family vacation when his shirt was off. This reporter’s sweepstakes prize basket includes $100 in Delaware lottery tickets, a free dessert at Bennigan’s, and a comical CNN Political Ticker write-up to go alongside this, the most pathetic news photograph we’ve ever seen. [
Democratic operatives are surprisingly not scared shitless about Obama’s upcoming vacation to Hawaii, despite the party’s well known reputation as shirtless pussies who are always being gay on beaches: “In a piece of footage endlessly recycled to mock his supposed elitism and even foreignness, Mr Kerry was caught on camera windsurfing off Massachusetts. Since Mr Obama is taking his holiday at a private beach house in Hawaii, surrounded by the secret service, campaign officials worry less about his exposure to the paparazzi. Besides, they say, most Americans will be tuned into the Olympics.” The Olympics? Ha! You silly campaign officials, letting down your guard. [
“NEW YORK (Reuters) - Women would rather carpool or go on vacation with Democratic White House hopeful Barack Obama than with his Republican rival John McCain, a new poll of U.S. women voters showed on Tuesday.” What the fuck does this even mean? “Carpooling” and “vacationing” are two very distinct acts. So they have asked women across the country, basically, which candidate they would rather schlep to pre-school or, conversely, go to the Jersey Shore with. John McCain polls better with white women, so we might infer that there is some strange demographic called bl… black… black women? HISPANIC WOMEN? Who are these so-called “people,” and why do we never hear about them? [
Barack Obama has been spending the “long weekend” in the Virgin Islands with his family, including the two children he abandoned to pursue his career (as is Obama family tradition). Then this little white girl found Obama, who probably is having some intellectual breakdown about race now, given all the various colors of children running around. [
One brave man had the courage to write in the New York Times this weekend about some of the darkest, most painful days of his life. Days that would make a few waterboardings or even the 
According to what will surely be an utterly insane Fox News documentary (Dick Cheney: No Retreat is the serious, no-foolin’ name), Vice President Gargamel 
