No surprises here, folks: while American adults work obsessively for 51 weeks out of the year and sneer at the French, who take the whole month of August to go to the beach while their elderly citizens quietly expire at home, American YOUTHS are just lazy fartsacks who get three whole months a year to play with their Wiis and masturbate into empty packages of Pop Tarts while their parents are at work. MORE »

Our own Jim Newell is a modern day NOSTRADAMUS. Just four days ago he wrote about gays hatin’ on Pastor Rick Warren, “This furious resistance will last, at most, four days, when new shirtless pixxx of Obama in Hawaii will leak to the Huffington Post and everyone will forget about gay invocations or whatever.” Well, they leaked to TMZ, but otherwise A plus! You really can write the news in advance. Photo by Bauer Griffin. [TMZ]

Ah, here it is, gamesetmatch for McCain — Obama’s been caught kidnapping/fathering black children in French Hawaii! We knew something was up with this slimeball. If you want to see more spy photos from this man’s private vacation, the Huffington Post has a nice collection. What a family! When we look at this picture, all negativity and trauma briefly drowns out from the world; every problem has been momentarily solved and there are no more questions to ask. When a HuffPo commenter looks at this picture, however, (s)he types, “Awww … how sweet. BO takes yet ANOTHER vacation while another country goes under. Good thing HRC is on the trail saving his inexperienced a**!!!” You’d have to be a damn fool to believe these nice vacation photos wouldn’t become attack fodder. [HuffPo]

Oh good God. It is probably time for either Cokie Roberts or Wonkette to retire, now that we have said basically the same thing about Barack Obama’s elitist vacation to some place called “Hawaii,” which is located in the lower left-hand corner of the map right next to Alaska — and yet has burning hot summers, whereas Alaska is forever enshrouded in snow. Why won’t Barack Obama apologize for visiting his grandmother in this curious “Mystery Spot” where many Americans go on package tours? [YouTube]

Missouri’s Claire McCaskill made the bold decision to skip the first boring Week of Orientation on the Hill. Why? Promised to go on vacation with her family as a reward to them for not abandoning her during the long campaign. Where? Undisclosed location! MORE »

Hi, everyone. Alex here. Did you notice I was gone? No? Too busy giggling like idiots at Michael Steele and Ann Coulter to even wish me a happy birthday — you didn’t even call, you didn’t write, not so much as a series of angry posts on anonymous blogs calling me a queer, nothing. MORE »

We’ve bitched about it already, and we’ll probably bitch about it still more before the day is out, but here we are working on a holiday like suckers. Meanwhile: MORE »