Wonkette

There’s an exciting new website all about what a dick Mitt Romney has been to various people, and it’s all boring except for one page dedicated to Mitt’s many brushes with the Law. Also, it turns out that cornball talk is just an act and he says “fuck” like everybody else. In a weird way, Romney’s arrests sort of make us like him a little bit more, but in other ways they just reinforce that he’s a rich douchesack. MORE »

George W. Bush has used his veto power exactly once during his six long, miserable years in office — and that was to ensure Ronald Reagan’s legacy of Alzheimer’s would continue for all elderly Americans. What’s next for Bush’s once-used veto pen? Hint: The legislation involves the two things he hates most. Okay, here’s another hint: Those two things are Washington and Democracy. MORE »

* Tony Snow is happy to confirm he’s not lying, when he’s not lying. [1115]
* Creepiest media moguls to attend conference in creepiest state for creepiest candidate. [Hotline on Call]
* Smarmy elites chase dandified elites from national political stage. [Political Insider]
* Barry Hussein wins key endorsement from leader of pro-terror voting block. [Election Central]
* Coalition party in Iraq must’ve run out of booze. [The Gavel]
* British troops only being withdrawn so Prince Harry doesn’t have to grow any hair — on his precious porcelain balls. [Breitbart]
* Fox news viewers tune into The 1/2 Hour News Hour to save time. [Comedy Central Insider]

* As John Bolton steps down, his shoes, though not his mustache, are likely to be filled by Zalmay Khalilzad. [WP, NYT]
* Bolton’s UN colleagues feel like it’s their birthday. [NYT]
* Sam Brownback can’t quit the idea of being President. [WP]
* Republicans will try to muscle through a weird “Abortion Anesthesia Bill” before the close of Congress. [WP]
* President Bush meets with Iraqi Shiite leader who thinks the only policy change America needs is to kick more ass, take less names. [WP, NYT]
* FBI spends too much time investigating mine-sweeper, comes up short on funds for new computer system. [NYT]
* NASA’s plan for a new moon base is supported by space cadets. [WP]
* Paper of record covers DC’s ruthless manipulation of Utah, hunt for most basic constitutional rights. [NYT]

Live in Montana, Idaho or Utah? You’re in luck (except for the “live in Montana, Idaho, or Utah” bit)! MORE »

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Humbert Humbert, your days are numbered in the Centennial State! Reports AP via Fox News: “Gov. Bill Owens signed a measure banning child brides, ending an uproar sparked by a court ruling that said 12-year-old girls could enter common-law marriages in Colorado.” MORE »

The headline used on Yahoo News, S.L. Bracing for Bush-Rice Visit Next Month, really hit me today. My heart totally goes out to all those poor people in Utah who will have to struggle with the aftermath of this impending media event, scheduled to achieve landfall on August 30. The photo-op alone will surely have a duration of at least 30-minutes and the impact crater will likely cover several blocks in Salt Lake City’s better neighborhoods. Shoe store clerks will need to be air-lifted out when it’s all over. MORE »

* Jonah Goldberg really wants some holographic technology, ’cause regular internet porn just isn’t doing it for him any more. [The National Review] MORE »

This weekend brought two pieces examining the mysterious and terrifying parts of the country that don’t want to push the President down a flight of stairs: The Guardian’s Boise, Idaho and the New York Times’ Provo, Utah. Which piece is more condescending? Which city is stupider? MORE »