Did you see this YouTube yet! It involves the latest comical statement from America’s most famous super-homophobic state senator, Chris Buttars of Utah: “I meet with the gays here and there. They were in my house two weeks ago. I don’t mind gays. But I don’t want ‘em stuffing it down my throat all the time. Certainly not in my kid’s face.” Ha ha “they were in my house two weeks ago” might be better than the sexual double entendre that follows. Saw a few of ‘em in mah cupboard and had to lay a few more traps; got ‘em good ‘n’ scared for now, but they’ll be back. [Think Progress]

Who is this monster who beat up homeless Willy Wonka and stole his jacket? Oh it’s just your kindly Senator Bob Bennett from Utah, asking the Banking, Housing, and Urban Affairs Committee if they would like some licorice sticks. They’re in the back of his van. His windowless van.

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• CIVIL RIGHTS BATTLES OF OUR TIME: You can use the free wi-fi on Utah Transit Authority trains and buses, but you better not look at some boobies, because a transit cop will write you a ticket and, most likely, chastise you in a sort of embarrassing way. But passengers can appeal the porn citations. [Salt Lake Tribune]

United States senators have all sorts of fun pastimes. Some of them enjoy innocent diaper-play with prostitutes, while others hold drunken poolside orgies that feature potato-less potato salad. Senator Orrin Hatch, Republican of Utah and known vehicular menace, prefers a more sedate form of diversion: gently running over pedestrians, in the rain. MORE »

We of course never read Dana Milbank, but this little bit is actually kind of funny, due to the scarily incompetent driving of one Senator Orrin Hatch, who has not operated a motorcar since the fall of Vichy France. MORE »

Mark Shurtleff is the Attorney General of Utah. He will challenge Sen. Bob Bennett in the 2010 Republican primary. He Twittered this news last night, mistakenly, and now he looks foolish. “Time to rock and roll!” You just can’t vote for anyone who writes that. “poos showed tim losing.” OMG Twitter. Jesus. [The Hill via Gawker]

What happens when a law-and-order wingnut encounters a law he doesn’t like? He breaks the law, while hollering about his “rights,” and then freaks out when there is a consequence for breaking said law. This is the dumb melodrama happening in southern Utah right now, where the very beautiful and unique Grand Staircase-Escalante National Monument was the backdrop for some fucktard OHV fatsos doing an illegal “protest ride” on their smoke-farting noisemakers through a wild river in a National Monument. And the BLM just let it happen, instead of shooting the miscreants, but everybody and their various pigmobiles got photographed by the feds, and now the U.S. Attorney has the stuff, and the off-road slobs are just losing their minds because oh noes, they are common criminals and they might get cited. MORE »

Mormon crickets: If you live, say, anywhere in the American West, you know these horrifying animals as a persistent cannibal scourge that can form a phalanx a mile across and two miles long, marching through the desert in search of food. If you are a senator “from” Arizona who grew up in Virginia and spent most of his life in Washington D.C., they are a punch line to a terrible joke. MORE »

• THAT UTAH IDIOT LOSES ALL POWER: Christ, you have to be a pretty avant-garde wingnut to say something so terrible about the gays that the Utah Republican party delivers a punishment! Earlier this week, notable mouth-breathing Utah state Senator Chris Buttars said that The Gays, “mean little buggers” if ever there were, are the same thing as the Muslim Terrorists. After a closed-door hearing, the GOP moved to strip him of his TWO chairmanships, one of which was the Judiciary Committee. We’re just about sick of this Utah GOP and its politically correct nanny state welfare crap. [Salt Lake Tribune]

Utah state Senator Chris Buttars discusses THE GAYS: “They’re mean. They want to talk about being nice. They’re the meanest buggers I have ever seen… It’s just like the Muslims.” And the Muslims, they’re just like the mick papists, and everyone is black. Huh? MORE »

The mean cads at the Los Angeles Times recently discovered a crazy person’s letter to the editor in some tiny, rural Utah newspaper and — due to the meanness — decided to travel all the way out to his lair so as to exploit the craziness for a big city feature. Some people in this world, right? And as a result, now we have to write about this poor old man and his hilarious theories about nuclear war, Obama, and the Mormons. Everyone is awful. Let’s get to know the one good man in this world, Leeland Freeborn, a.k.a. the “Parowan Prophet.” MORE »