If everything is bigger in Texas, then we can’t wait to attend a big ol’ Texas-sized Gay Wedding. And pretty soon that could happen, per the NYT: A federal judge in Texas struck down the state’s ban on same-sex marriage on Wednesday, ruling that the laws restricting marriage to a man and a woman violated […]

What is a divorce? It’s when you mix gin and chocolate milk in a rubber glove. Everyone knows that! But did you know that when you “divorce” your spouse, you aren’t married anymore? You would, if you had gone to divorce school. Your divorce education is so important, in fact, that Utah mandates a divorce […]

Big news from Utah, science fans! A brave and wise idiot retired science teacher and current legislator wants to put the brakes on any plans the state might have to cap industrial emissions of carbon dioxide or other “natural” gases (HA! Fart joke!). Rep. Jerry Anderson (R-Idiocracy) says the problem isn’t too MUCH carbon in […]

A nice lady in Orem, Utah, was very upset about some t-shirts in the window of a PacSun store in a mall, because just look at those mostly naked women there! Judy Cox and her 18-year-old son (who you just know has to be delighted at being part of this story) weren’t actually shopping at […]

You know, it’s been like a whole day or something since we wrote about terrible people being terrible by literally tearing school lunches out of the hands of poor schoolchildren or also too literally marking them so that everyone can see they are poor. Literally! The good times never last forever, though, and today we’re […]

Oh ladies. If the GOP isn’t insulting your intellectual capacity, demanding you be submissive, or trying to keep your libido in check (because you are all raging fuckmonsters), then they are desperately wooing you for your votes. Their latest attempt to distract from their 1930-era policies is to scrounge around and find a GEN-YOU-INE lady […]

Are  you sitting down? OK, this will come as a surprise, but people in Utah are going to protest the gay marriage! Pick your jaw off the floor, because it’s true! It happens next Tuesday in Salt Lake City (you’re done being shocked at this point, right?), and features famous heterosexual Brian Brown of the […]

Marriage is the most sacred institution of all the institutions ever instituted by god and America’s Founder Jesus “Whitey” Christ exactly 6,000 years ago. Unfortunately, members of the Grand Old Party are looking to limit the federal government’s recognition of some marriages, specifically those that involve an excessive number of dicks and those that contain […]

Well how’s this for a study in contrasts? Wingnut opponents of marriage equality in Utah are calling for defiance to the tyranny of the federal judiciary, because as we all know states can ignore federal judges, under the time-honored legal principle of “I read it on the internet, this will definitely work.” One guy is […]

Never one to stoop to hyperbole, Fox News Psychiatric Head Doctor Keith Ablow proclaimed 2013 the year that marriage finally died, killed by the gays and the liberals and the courts and the polygamists, and also by the celebrities, too. Game over, man. GAME OVER! And just look at the evidence: More than a year […]

And the drumbeat march of teh gheys oppressing straight conservatives everywhere goes on. Since Friday, when a federal district court judge in Utah invalidated that state’s same-sex marriage ban, hundreds of gay people have gotten married, which means, of course, that hundreds of straight marriages have been destroyed because that’s always a 1:1 ratio, duh. […]

Was your Christmas wish for a whole bunch of teh gheys to get married and then you were super happy because Utah got you just what you wanted and your twitter feed was chock full o’ joyful joyful o come o come emmanuel gays getting hitched? But then Utah’s Attorney General said “naw mang, we […]

BLAM. You hear that? That’s both the sound of a liebrul activist judge dropping a big old gay gavel and the sound of one million wingnut heads asplodin’. Yes, a federal district court judge in Utah — WE SAID UTAH, PEOPLE — has struck down that state’s same-sex marriage ban, even though it was well-loved […]

Happy Saturday, Wonquistadores! Every week, our web browsers overflow with a fetid slop of stories that were too stoopid to ignore altogether, but not quite worth full posts of their own. Then we mop up the mess and wring out the smelly excess into a big old bucket we call the Derp Roundup. Add grain […]

You may recall the inspiring tale of can-do Utah Boy Scout leader hero man Glenn Taylor, who with a little help from his son and a friend brought an end to the reign of terror of a 20-million-year-old rock formation in Goblin Valley State Park, knocking it to the ground so that it couldn’t kill […]