Wonkette

The town of Kanab, Utah — more or less where Mitt Romney was born — has apparently caught the “Obama bug” and will liberalize its municipal swimming pool regulations by allowing bikinis for the first time in centuries. And tha-at’s not ch-ange we-ee can be-ee-lieve in. MORE »

So what was the worst story for Barack Obama last week? Losing West Virginia, probably? That means it’ll have to be the topic of New York Times “lightning rod conservative” columnist Bill Kristol’s latest fare. In today’s column, Kristol makes fun of Obama’s massive defeat among Bitters in West Virginia, while making another terrible error in the process. MORE »

America’s most believed ex-presidential candidate, Mittens “Mitt” Romney, is joining Maverick candidate John McCain on a fundraising tour through the “mountain west,” starting today. They hate each after a brutal campaign where each lied and smeared the other to no end, although John McCain is, again, a Maverick, and Mittens wants to be his vice president. MORE »

A Utah state senator, Chris Buttars, last week described an education bill in perfectly non-controversial terms: “This baby is black, I’ll tell you. This is a dark, ugly thing.” Buttars, a Republican, apologized for this comment, but the damn liberals are on his case as usual. He described the heat in this similarly non-controversial manner: “But then they started getting meaner and meaner and meaner to the point it is just a hate lynch mob.” Did we mention that the damn liberals in question are the NAACP? MORE »

GOP gazillioniare Mitt Romney showed up at the funeral of the Mormon President, Gordon B. Hinckley, in Salt Lake City on Saturday, but his last-minute campaigning didn’t help. Today, the Church of Latter Day Saints announced a new president/prophet guy, and this president’s name isn’t Mitt Romney, either. Thomas S. Monson is the new LDS leader. Just as we’re totally confused by the whole “white smoke/white heat” pope election thing, we have no idea how this Mormon President process works, because we do not understand magic. [Salt Lake Tribune]

So, now that old boss man Mitt has given his best JFK impersonation (complete with a Poppy Bush intro!), the pundits are swirling about. Go ahead and listen to Tucker’s take on Mitt, or check out what real life Park City, Utah locals are saying in Romney’s own backyard. Wonkette’s Rocky Mountain correspondent Breaux Murphy took to the snowy streets, busy kitchens and drunken bars to find out. (Full disclosure: your lovably surly editor lived among this wildlife for many years, getting very little sleep). Lee Jenson starts off the dialogue. And now, let my people speak!

In what world could the partnership of Orrin Hatch, Joe Lieberman, and Tom Davis becalled “bipartisan”? When Eleanor Holmes Norton is getting cozy with them, obv, so she can finally have a real-life “vote” in that crazy House of Representatives. As this is a deal with the devils, it means fucking Utah gets one more representative. Because poor and black people may only be allowed equal rights if white nutjobs in the hinterlands get a little something in return for their troubles. Oh, these four all “wrote” an op-ed today, that’s why we’re talking about it. Fun Facts we learned about DC voting rights, after the jump. MORE »

Exactly four local losers showed up at a Salt Lake City GOP party to celebrate Hollywood Fred Thompson’s webcam announcement that he’s running for president yesterday — and there were snacks set up for so many more “Fredheads.” MORE »

There’s an exciting new website all about what a dick Mitt Romney has been to various people, and it’s all boring except for one page dedicated to Mitt’s many brushes with the Law. Also, it turns out that cornball talk is just an act and he says “fuck” like everybody else. In a weird way, Romney’s arrests sort of make us like him a little bit more, but in other ways they just reinforce that he’s a rich douchesack. MORE »

George W. Bush has used his veto power exactly once during his six long, miserable years in office — and that was to ensure Ronald Reagan’s legacy of Alzheimer’s would continue for all elderly Americans. What’s next for Bush’s once-used veto pen? Hint: The legislation involves the two things he hates most. Okay, here’s another hint: Those two things are Washington and Democracy. MORE »