Utah
Utah Gun Lobbyist’s AR-15 Stolen Because SUV Couldn’t Defend Itself
In Salt Lake City, a lobbyist for gun enthusiasts will now have to march around holding his dick in one hand and nothing in his other, because his AR-15 was kinda sorta stolen from his locked SUV while it was parked in front of his home. If only he’d been armed! Condolence cards may be [...]
Your ‘Our Friend The Coalmine’ Earth Day Art Contest Winners!
Yesterday we brought you the fun news of a state of Utah elementary school art contest with the awesome theme Where Would WE Be Without Oil, Gas and Mining, in honor of — wait for it — Earth Day! (In case you were wondering, no: the state of Utah was not going for a Nothing [...]
Let’s All Enter Utah’s ‘We Love Oil And Gas’ Poster Contest, For Earth Day!
This post brought to you by the auspices of the Patty Dumpling Endowed Chair for Oil-Spill Blogging. Attention, Wonkrinis! The Beehive State is throwing an Earth Day poster contest, with the very excellent theme of “Where Would WE Be Without Oil, Gas & Mining?” and we know ever so many of you would like to [...]
Sequestration Approaches, Utah Senator Mike Lee Writes Nice Poem
The Senate’s got a lot of stuff going on: There’s the straw man climate legislation coming later this week, solving the entire sequestration problem in the next two weeks, gun control, the Hagel confirmation and its pseudo-filibuster, the John Brennan confirmation and its threatened pseudo-filibuster, you get the idea — there’s a lot on the [...]
Minnesota, Oklahoma, Tennessee GOP Lawmakers Want More Guns In Schools; Utah 6th Grader Decides Not To Wait
Good news, everyone! We are having a national dialogue on guns! Unfortunately, it seems to be just about as coherent as our national dialogue on race. In Minnesota, Oklahoma, and Tennessee, GOP lawmakers plan to introduce legislation that would arm public school teachers in those states. Meanwhile, in Utah, a sixth-grade boy brought a handgun [...]
Hot Blog Rumor: Maybe One of Those Huntsman Boys Gabbed To Harry Reid About Romney’s Taxes
The Internet is rapidly zeroing in on the identity of Harry Reid’s source, the one who was like “oh yeah Harry, that guy, Romney, no taxes from that guy,” which Harry Reid reiterated on the Senate floor, destroying any semblance of what had previously been a sense of good faith and comity between the two [...]
Governor Asks Shooters Pretty Please Self-Regulate While Utah Burns Because Of Shooters
OK cowboys and cowgirls, gather ’round the semi-automatic campfire for a heartwarming story of the destruction of land, homes and wildlife in the great American state of Utah. Here’s the story in a nutshell: Utah’s “Dump Fire” (so named because it was set off by some Utahans target shooting at a dump) is only 30% [...]
Nice Gay Republican Candidate Fred Karger Gets Loving Welcome From Utah GOP Chair’s Illiterate Bigot Lady-Wife
Fred Karger, who is a gay Republican who is still running for president (how cute is that?) went to Utah and did some politicking. He met with Washington County Republican Party Chairman Willie Billings, who Karger said was “welcoming” and “friendly.” They had a nice time! Karger gave Billings a Frisbee! We would let this [...]
Romney’s New Best Friend: The Dude Who Bragged About Private Jet While His Coal Mine Collapsed
Did you know? Some of Mitt Romney’s best friends own coal mines! Especially the kind that collapse and kill six workers and three (would-be) rescuers after years and years of reports and fines for unsafe work places. (The Mine Safety And Health Administration is tyranny, everyone knows that.) And that is why this coal-magnate dude [...]
Utah Makes Alarming Pivot to ‘Dirty Hippie,’ Wants Veto of ‘Don’t Say Sex’ Sex Ed Bill
As Utah goes, so goes … well, not that many other states really. Bit of an outlier, that one, with their 35 percent 2008 Bammerz vote, and their million wives each, and their habit of actually paying for porn. But in an actually surprising move, a near-supermajority of Utahans want their governor to veto last [...]
Utah Lege’s New Sex Ed Rules: Don’t Say Sex
Proving just how good sweet, sweet censorship can be, Utah’s Legislature has passed new statewide sex-ed rules that ban teachers from discussing contraception, premarital sex, and teh Ghey, even when directly asked by “the children.” Perhaps Utah, “The Land of the Saints,” is emulating the smashing success of the “Don’t Say Gay” rules in Michele [...]
Teabaggers To Chase Orrin Hatch Out Of Senate Next Week, For His Liberalism
Don’t be surprised to see a statement next week from six-term Utah Senator Orrin Hatch that he is leaving office “to spend more time with [his] undersea Holocaust-victim baptizing chamber.” DON’T BELIEVE THE HYPE, as Orrin’s favorite old-timey band used to say!!! Hatch is likely to be effectively drummed out of office in the state’s [...]
Romney Actually Did Worse In 2012 Nevada Caucus Than He Did In 2008
Here’s some more awkward humor from the robot comedy that is Mitt Romney’s 2012 ascent to the GOP nomination: Mittens actually did worse on Saturday in the Nevada GOP caucus than he did back in 2008. This time around, “Inevitable Willard” got 50.1%, or a little less than his winning total back in the 2008 [...]
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