Tag Archives: u.s. constitution

  Since When Is The Supreme Court Supreme?

Rachel Maddow Uses Tiny Words To Teach Rick Santorum How America Works

Rachel has the best WTF face
Not that he’s desperate or anything, but Rick Santorum chose a pretty weird place for an interview. He sat down with Rachel Maddow for a chat Wednesday, far away from the comfortably familiar Idiot Crew at Fox News. We guess he wanted to show that he could hold his own against the Liberal Media’s most prominent nerd or something. They exchanged compliments: Maddow thinks he’s one of the best communicators in the Republican field, especially with a live crowd, and Santorum respects that she’s tough but sticks to policy, not personal attacks. And despite her generous suggestion to brainstorm some ways of picking a fight with Donald Trump so he can raise his profile enough to get into the first GOP debate in August, Santorum politely declined the offer. Heck, he could try calling Trump an asshole. Noting that he’d run a close second to Mitt Romney in the 2012 primaries, Maddow asked Santorum why all that support has evaporated. Santorum’s answer: it’s early yet, they’ll all come back, you’ll see. (Fun fact: That’s not the real answer. The real answer is that he benefited from being the least freakish — barely — of the anyone-but-Mitt candidates.) Read more on Rachel Maddow Uses Tiny Words To Teach Rick Santorum How America Works…
  Soon To Be Part Of Donald Trump's Platform

Texas Tells American Babies To Go Back To Mexico

Considering that's an 1861 flag, maybe we should just let the little Timelord stay
You have to hand it (“it” in this case being a flaming bag of dog poop) to the Great State of Texas: When it comes to finding new ways to be total dicks, the creativity and imagination of Texas government is almost boundless. The newest nomination for the Asshole Hall of Fame goes to officials in at least two Texas counties who have decided to take on the issue of “anchor babies” by just plain refusing to issue birth certificates for American-born children of parents whose immigration status the clerks aren’t happy with. Wingnuts have been screaming for years about the urgent need to modify the 14th Amendment to prevent the horror of birthright citizenship, so instead of holding more hearings about it, why not just ignore the parts of the Constitution they don’t like? Read more on Texas Tells American Babies To Go Back To Mexico…
  Monumental Failin'

Oklahoma Gov. Mary Fallin To State Supreme Court: You Are Not The Boss Of Her!

The monument is 6 feet high, so that man and buggy must be HUGE
In what has to be a huge surprise to some single-celled organisms who didn’t know any better, Oklahoma Governor Mary Fallin has decided to ignore last week’s order by the state Supreme Court to remove the giant Ten Commandments monument from the grounds of the Statehouse, because God’s Word, but mostly because it’s not a religious thing at all — it’s just a historical marker, really! In a statement, Fallin said, Read more on Oklahoma Gov. Mary Fallin To State Supreme Court: You Are Not The Boss Of Her!…
  God Hates Flags

Mean U.S. Constitution Bullies Alabama Town Into Removing Christian Flag From City Hall

Say. No. More.
The rampant march of militant atheism continued this week, just destroying families and making Baby Jebus cry again, as the demon-spawned hordes of the Freedom From Religion Foundation (FFRF) forced Glencoe, Alabama (pop. 5160), to take down its “Christian Flag” from out front of the town’s police station and city hall. Maybe they can make up for it by starting every public meeting with a prayer or something, just to make sure Alabama doesn’t suddenly go all secularist. Read more on Mean U.S. Constitution Bullies Alabama Town Into Removing Christian Flag From City Hall…
  The Suin' 'Er State

Oklahoma Supreme Court Murders God

Note th' Illuminati symbol over th' Eagle!!!
In your Separation of Church and State Nice Time, the Oklahoma Supreme Court ruled Tuesday that a Ten Commandments monument at the state Capitol building has to be removed, because it violates the Oklahoma Constitution, never mind the U.S. one. Fans of Establishment Clause trolls the Satanic Temple aren’t sure whether to rejoice or be a little sad today, because now the group has no reason to push for the inclusion of its awesome statue of Baphomet giving his Satanic blessing to little children. Sadly, we have a feeling it will still be needed elsewhere. Read more on Oklahoma Supreme Court Murders God…
  Nearer My Derp To Thee

Nice Knowing Y’all, Louie Gohmert Says God’s Gonna Smite Us Now

Works way better than tinfoil
Well, America, it’s been a nice run, but it’s all done now, you realize, because the Supreme Court did Gay 9/11 all over us today. And who knows that better than Texas Congress-ballbearing Louie Gohmert, who had dire warnings for the once-great United States of America. Get ready, America: It’s Smitin’ Time. Read more on Nice Knowing Y’all, Louie Gohmert Says God’s Gonna Smite Us Now…
  He's more like a Walmart greeter

Jesus Christ Welcomes You To Hawkins, Texas, But Not In Some ‘Religious’ Way

Maybe Jesus is a Messican guy who lives in the city.
The mean liberals at the Freedom From Religion Foundation have found their latest target, and it is the innocent residents of Hawkins, Texas, who really like the big ugly-ass sign they have at the entrance to town that says “Jesus welcomes you to Hawkins.” What’s the problem? Oh, it’s on city-owned land, which means the city is endorsing Jesus as a deity, when they are supposed to remain impartial, according to that quaint little thing called the United States Constitution. But hold on a minute, according to the mayor, this is FINE, because Jesus is not welcoming people in a RELIGIOUS way. It’s more because Jesus is so popular — guess he just likes to greet people, like at Walmart: Read more on Jesus Christ Welcomes You To Hawkins, Texas, But Not In Some ‘Religious’ Way…
  Yet Another 'Another American Revolution'

Ted Cruz Supports Gun Control, To Protect Ted Cruz

Be vewwy quiet. I'm hunting Dewegates!
Hey, Ted Cruz, what’s your next cool fundraiser idea? Wow, a chance for some lucky gun-humping donor to go shootin’ with the senator? That sounds like more fun than staying up all night playing RISK with Rand Paul! Funny thing though; the contest requires that the winner be able to pass a background check. It’s in the fine print, which specifies that the “Sponsor” of the sweepstakes — the Cruz campaign — must verify that Ted Cruz will be at least nominally safe with his brand new huntin’ buddy: Read more on Ted Cruz Supports Gun Control, To Protect Ted Cruz…
  all the derp that's fit to herp

Derp Roundup: Michelle Obama Loves Subway. Time For Everyone To Stop Eating Sandwiches.

Welcome to another edition of Derp Roundup, the weekly feature where we take a wire brush to our open browser tabs and bring you the stories that are too stoopid to ignore, but not quite worth a full post on their own. We recommend washing it all down with a big swig of the reality-diluter of your choice. Read more on Derp Roundup: Michelle Obama Loves Subway. Time For Everyone To Stop Eating Sandwiches….
  wingnut bingo

Deleted Comments Of The Day: Your Article About Obama Failed To Note He Is A Child

Hey-ho, wonkadoodlers! Time for another trip to the comments queue to see what brilliance we have received from would-be commenters. Our first note today comes from “JustPJs,” who apparently is very relaxed in personal attire but not in vigilance when it comes to LIBERTY. JustPJs was very displeased by our little New Year’s Eve piece on how libruls have fallen out of love with Barry Bamz, because it ignores some basic facts: Hey Rebecca, back away from the crack pipe girl. This one of the most ridiculous articles I have ever read. This child in chief has stomped all over the constitution since day one. When Republicans take the senate in ’14 This POTUS will be lucky if he is not impeached. The most dishonest administration in this nations history. His ” 1/2 blackness” is just as bad as his 1/2 whiteness. Wow, that had everything but “birf certificate” in there, though maybe that’s implied among the many things for which Obama will be impeached (BenghazIRSfast&furiousolydrabenghaziiiiiii). With GOP retaking the Senate, impeachment, most dishonest ever, and half-blackness — that’s four spaces on your Wingnut Meme Bingo card. And yet, surprisingly short on details! Read more on Deleted Comments Of The Day: Your Article About Obama Failed To Note He Is A Child…
  2nd-dumbest man on the internet

Bradlee Dean Thinks New York Public Schools Are Teaching Kids To Do Sex With Animals

Oh, golly, you know sometimes Yr Doktor Zoom goes a few weeks or more without encountering the odd mental oscillations of Wonkette frenemy Bradlee Dean, who keeps failing to sue us so we can get all his money. We still think that Jim Hoft richly deserves his title of Stupidest Man on the Internet, but Bradlee Dean is a close second, and since he mostly works the rightwing podcast & “radio” circuit — some of it’s broadcast on AM and shortwave somewhere — we can’t just read Bradlee, we have to listen to him. Which is all by way of saying that every time we hear this man speak, we can feel our brain atrophying. And so it was with some trepidation that we listened to most of Dean’s half-hour interview on the “TruNews” End Times podcast from Thursday, to see if he ever elaborated on his assertion that in New York City, liberal teachers are now “teaching kids bestiality in public schools.” We figured that if he had, Right Wing Watch would have quoted it, because how would you not? And of course, he never explained it at all. Oh, but there was other stuff, too, and we will bring you the worst of it so you needn’t damage your own headparts listening to it yourself. Read more on Bradlee Dean Thinks New York Public Schools Are Teaching Kids To Do Sex With Animals…
  wonkette world o' books

Sundays With The Christianists: In Great Artist Jon McNaughton’s Novel, Wingnuts Finally Win Every Argument

Sternums up, everybody! Time to wrap up our visit to the mind of Great American Artist Of America Jon McNaughton, as revealed in his teen novel Knight of the Superstitions. It’s a stirring tale of a young Mary Sue named Josh Knight, who with the help of his guardian angel Nathaniel becomes adept at seeing and defeating the surprisingly boring demons and other evil influences that plague our world. Last week we looked at Josh’s spiritual journey, such as it is; this week, we’ll take a look at the book’s very insightful political content, although we suppose McNaughton would say there’s no difference. So strap on your Spiritual Armor — we recommend strong coffee or maybe a Bloody Mary — and we’ll watch Josh strike a blow for liberty against the oppression of liberal education. Read more on Sundays With The Christianists: In Great Artist Jon McNaughton’s Novel, Wingnuts Finally Win Every Argument…
  marco can't dance

Marco Rubio Fights To End Tea Party Migration To Other 2016 Candidates

Faced with a massive wave of Tea Partiers fleeing from his 2016 presidential hopes because of his support for comprehensive immigration reform, Florida Senator Marco Rubio is doing what he can to build a higher wall against further progress on fixing America’s broken immigration system. It is not known whether his new opposition to immigration reform will be enough to stem the flow of former rightwing supporters attempting to cross lines into other candidates’ camps. An aide to Rubio told Andrew Breitbart’s Home for Monsters From the Id that while it might be “realistic” for the House to pass several piecemeal bills addressing immigration, the catch is that once such a bill went to committee with the Senate, sneaky Democrats could then use the conference to force a comprehensive reform that might actually allow some Messicans to become citizens. So the smart thing, obviously, is to do nothing, which allows continued bitching about Barack Obama’s refusal to fix immigration. Problem solved! Read more on Marco Rubio Fights To End Tea Party Migration To Other 2016 Candidates…
  wonkette world o' books

Sundays With The Christianists Special Report: Great Artist Jon McNaughton Wrote A Novel About God, Angels, And Good Posture

We’re going to take a short break from our American history textbooks for homeschoolers, because Alert Reader “Blanche” tipped us off to a self-published booklike object that we somehow missed when it splashed into the internet in late July: Great American Artist Jon McNaughton has written a novel that does for Teen Fiction what Christian Rock did for music. McNaughton took a little time away from painting Patriotic Classics like “Jesus Hands Washington the Constitution,” “Obama Burns the Constitution,” and “Bro Shames Democrat Preznits By Holding Up The Magically Unburnt Constitution,” so he could write a book. A book for young people, full of magic and imagination and wonder, with all the subtlety of McNaughton’s art. It is called Knight of the Superstitions, and it is easily the equal of the “Harry Potter” books, in that it contains words and can be purchased as an e-book. It’s getting rave reader reviews* on Amazon, which means that a whole bunch of homeschooled teens are going to have it dumped on them, poor things. We read it so you won’t have to. Read more on Sundays With The Christianists Special Report: Great Artist Jon McNaughton Wrote A Novel About God, Angels, And Good Posture…
  E Plebnista

WND Had A Most Cunning Plan To Stop Obama With Constitution, Except For One Tiny Detail: The Constitution

Judson Phillips, founder of Tea Party Nation and a guy who just loves the Constitution of the United States so much that he wakes up every morning with patriojizz all over his 2nd-amendment footie pajamas, published a brilliant plan the other day that had the potential to actually save America from the tragedy of national suicide represented by the reelection of gay black crack addict Barack Hussein Obama. And the best part about it? The plan invoked a Top Secret Loophole in the Constitution itself to save the Constitution! How neat is that? And it would have worked, too, if it weren’t for that darn Constitution. Still, you have to admit he is one earnest little teabagger: We have one last, final chance to save America. We have one last, final chance to stop Barack Obama. One final chance. So if you believe in the Constitution Fairy, clap your hands!!! Read more on WND Had A Most Cunning Plan To Stop Obama With Constitution, Except For One Tiny Detail: The Constitution…
  None Dare Call It Delusional Teabagger Infighting

Tea Party In Epic Slapfight Over Who Loves Constitution The Mostest

Small but highly excitable segments of the Wingnutosphere are in high dudgeon over the maybe-treasonous remarks of Rep. Paul “Gosar the Destroyer” Gosar (DDS, R-AZ), who said some very outrageous things at a June 28th online town hall thing hosted by largely unknown Tea Party group “Unite in Action” and posted to the group’s YouTube channel over the weekend. Oh god you are totally NOT going to believe the thing he said. It’s just so unbelievably traitor-y and freedom-hating! No, really, it’s bad. You are probably guessing that maybe Gosar announced plans to sell America’s top-secret interdimensional portal technology to Red China, or that he invited the UN to dictate our children’s lunch menus, or maybe even that he reminded “Unite In Action” that they were the group that, even during the teabagger heyday of 2010, had to cancel a “National Tea Party Unity Convention” in Las Vegas because nobody would pay to attend it, but no, it is even more shocking: He comes right out and says that defending the Constitution is a losing cause, so why even bother, right? Insane, isn’t it? Watch this shocking video where Gosar (here in the form of a large and moving Torg) literally throws the Constitution under an actual bus: Read more on Tea Party In Epic Slapfight Over Who Loves Constitution The Mostest…