Hey did you know that if you are a failure at third grade, the government just assumes that you’ll be a criminal forever? No? Well good, because that isn’t true anyhow. For many moons, Democratic candidates have repeated this old saw about states using third-grade reading scores as a predictor for how many prison beds they’ll need in 15 years. This sounds like exactly the sort of sad, spooky metric that governments would use to determine how doomed its citizens are, but apparently nobody actually uses it. MORE »

“The man stood outside his RV, yelling and shooting a gun into the air. When Pasco sheriff’s deputies confronted him, he ran inside and wouldn’t come out … Finally, about 5 a.m., he exited his RV and was taken into custody. The cause of his displeasure, according to Doll, was Michelle Obama’s speech last night at the Democratic National Convention.” Displeasure? Maybe pleasure. We will never know. Well, we will know. For now what we know is that a man in Florida watched Michelle Obama speak at the Democratic National Convention then left his trailer, screaming like a banshee, shooting at the sky. [TampaBay.com]

Someone supposedly got a “screen shot” of some CNN article that was “taken down” before anyone could read it. The article relates in terrible, misspelled prose the curious tale of how an aide accidentally pressed the send button rather than the save button on an email announcing Barack Obama’s vice presidential pick. And then that aide put the turkey to bed and put the baby in the oven, and when she woke up a bloody hook was hanging right outside the window. The aide was then murdered for spamming 2 million Obama supporters with her crap. [Free Republic]