Tag Archives: updates

  and begging

Your Wonket Drinky Thing Non-Kickstarter Update (Behold Your New Prizes)

Well you little sweetling lover liver lumps! You have already sent almost $2000 for beer and shit for our nationwide tour of dive bars, to see you, our beloved Wonkers! Frankly? For some of you it seemed like it might have come a little too easy. We are not talking about our $10s or $25s. We imagine you are decent middle-class and working-class folk eking out a modest living and charitably sending off some hard-won scratch. But you with your hundreds and couple-hundreds and so forth, if you could peel off a couple of Benjies as fast as you did, then you are MITT ROMNEY, and just lucky we haven’t come after you with (clean-burning) torches. Read more on Your Wonket Drinky Thing Non-Kickstarter Update (Behold Your New Prizes)…
  all part of the plan

Dick Cheney Still Not Apologizing To That Guy He Shot

Considering Dick Cheney no longer has a pulse, one would think he would want to reflect back on his life and try to right any wrongs. Except this is Dick Cheney we’re talking about, a man who has never done anything wrong. It turns out Harry Whittington is a very genial, spry old man who would never say anything bad about Dick Cheney, who wasn’t even his friend and who CARELESSLY SHOT HIM, WITH A GUN. But for the rest of his life, Harry Whittington will have birdshot embedded in his face and around his heart, a constant reminder of Dick Cheney’s love of shooting deadly weapons preemptively without looking hard at the evidence around him. And Dick Cheney still hasn’t told him he’s sorry. Read more on Dick Cheney Still Not Apologizing To That Guy He Shot…
  where are they now?

Remember When These Christians Prayed To This Golden Bull?

These supposed Christians made a mockery of their faith in October, when they cavorted about this golden idol of mammon, the Molten Calf of Wall Street, because obviously the best way to head off a global recession is to sing God Bless America to a statue of an animal. What has happened since these idolaters demanded that Jesus fix the stock markets? Read more on Remember When These Christians Prayed To This Golden Bull?…