Tag Archives: unskewed polls

  if your thing is gone and you wanna ride on

Obama Is Wrecking The World Because Of His Coke-Fueled Gay Sex Habit (Updated!)

(Updated; see end of post)  Remember last year when every poll in the known universe said Bamz gonna win but unskewed polls guy explained how no way because Nate Silver was kinda gay-ish? And then after the election that same superstar genius created his voter fraud website to explain to you that Bamz actually defrauded every state ever to impose his evil will on us? WE LOVE THAT GUY. No, for reals, we love that guy, because now he has popped up again (Not anymore! See update below) to help us understand how Obummer messed up BENGHAZI!!11! because he was out having himself a big gay cocaine-fest: While our consulate in Benghazi was attacked during the night of September 11 of last year, our fearless leader was allegedly hiding away somewhere getting “high as a kite” on cocaine. This is the speculation of Kevin DuJan, a self-described “gay conservative political analyst” writing for a publication called HillBuzz. DuJan states that his claim, which he appears to make based on knowledge and experience of drug addicts, explains the president being missing for most of the evening during the attack on Benghazi. Welp. WE are convinced of this for sure because it makes absolutely perfect sen….wait. Nope, no it doesn’t. In fact, Mr. Unskewed Polls Guy, it pretty much sounds like the thesis of your incredible revelation article is that Bamz was high because a dude you read on the internet who is super familiar with addicts — and by “familiar,’ we do not mean “through his career as a clinical expert” — says Bamz was high. Read more on Obama Is Wrecking The World Because Of His Coke-Fueled Gay Sex Habit (Updated!)…
  math is for homos

Conservatives Still Unskewing Polls With Super-Smart Anti-Gay Math

As you found out a few weeks ago, we are on the Family Research Council’s mailing list. And as we found out yesterday, they are still doing that fun thing where they can look at polls and say, “Nah, that’s not the real thing that is real, we are going to make one up.” We found this out because they sent us an email! This particular skewed-up poll is from Quinnipiac University, which last week released poll results showing 54 percent of Catholic voters support gay marriage. But there are still many Catholics who do not agree with that, you see, and they are CONVINCED they are right, so there must not be people who feel otherwise. Let the spin… begin. Read more on Conservatives Still Unskewing Polls With Super-Smart Anti-Gay Math…
  Still Stealing the Country

Obama Steals Election, Again, According to Totally Clear Evidence

We’ve been suspicious about possible voter fraud ever since effeminate numbers demon Nate Silver had a vision during his Pagan Rituals of a comfortable Obama reelection. With the weight of those mathematical odds in your favor, you’d almost be forced to resort to stuffing ballot boxes to remain in office. Good thing there’s an edgy, investigative media group — or Dean Chambers, the guy from Unskewed Polls, anyway — with a passion for journalistic integrity willing to blow the top off this thing! (You would kind of think he’d learned his lesson by now? Nah.) It’s natural to be uncomfortable with the truth, and we advise against proceeding if you’re not ready to have your mind blown. It ain’t easy to put down the Kool-Aid when you’re thirsty – but if you’re like us, and you want to quench that thirst with something purer, head over to Barackofraudo.com. Read more on Obama Steals Election, Again, According to Totally Clear Evidence…
  trigger warning: schadenfreude

Come, Drink In Delusional Mitt Romney’s Election-Night Sadness With Us

Oh boy, we have now reached our favorite part of the election cycle: the end! It’s great because (a) the stressful part is over and (b) all the low-level staffers for both campaigns start telling secrets to the reporters that they most want to sleep with. And so it was that the lucky folks at CBS, America’s old-person network, got the scoop on the tragic emotional landscape of the Romney-Ryan campaign’s final night, when everyone’s sincere belief in their inevitable victory ran head-first into reality. Join us for a gleefully annotated summary, after the jump! Read more on Come, Drink In Delusional Mitt Romney’s Election-Night Sadness With Us…
  open the pod bay door hal

Looks Like Tagg Romney Has Already Leaked Next Week’s ‘Election’ ‘Results’

It is time, once again, to PANIC! As you can see above, Unskewed Polls has released a new chart that at first blush doesn’t seem to have any basis in reality. So why would they post such a hilarious result? Well, you have not been keeping up with Your Wonkette. Let’s rectify that now! It is so that when they steal the election, they can point to this “polling” and say the results were in line, duh. As Doktor Zoom explainered with an assist from Harper’s, the GOPpies are ready and able to steal every precinct that doesn’t count paper ballots by hand. As Your Editrix explained a week or whatever ago, one of only six voting machine vendors is owned by former Bain employees. (The others, per Dok’s Harper’s article, are pretty much all owned by the Koch Brothers and run by actual felons, except for the ones that are owned by Tagg Romney.) And as some former NSA analyst explained (but we didn’t post on it, because “depressed”), the way they steal your votes is by siphoning them from the largest precincts. Oh yes, and as The Grio explained this week also too, they are already disappearing early votes from the totals in heavily African-American and Democratic Broward County precincts. But that one, first described as a “computer glitch,” was totally just a woman who couldn’t do numbers good and stuff. Read more on Looks Like Tagg Romney Has Already Leaked Next Week’s ‘Election’ ‘Results’…
  don't think just break things

New Pew Poll Shows End Of Democratic Party As We Know It

PANIC, MOTHERFUCKERS! A new Pew poll shows Romney up four (49-45%) with likely voters following last week’s debate. According to Twitter, blah blah sampling women Midwest Chuck Todd just DMed me and it was hot, but basically Obama has permanently and totally lost the election after Jim Lehrer didn’t have his back. Read more on New Pew Poll Shows End Of Democratic Party As We Know It…
  skew skew ka choo

Don’t Worry, Republicans, We Have Found These Awesome Made-Up Polls For You

If you’re a Romney supporter, you likely look with sadness and disdain upon the current state of political polling, which has consistently failed for weeks to show your guy with a lead.  In fact, the last time Mitt Romney had a lead in the RCP average, it was fall. Of 2011. What to do, then? Well, you unskew the polls, that’s what! Enter Unskewed Polls, which takes scientifically conducted polls and, with no particular methodology or reasoning, makes them pro-Romney. Read more on Don’t Worry, Republicans, We Have Found These Awesome Made-Up Polls For You…