united nations
UN Appoints Minor Bureaucrat To Deal With Space Alien Invasion
Have you heard about the impending invasion of the Space Devils? Whether it’s another discovery of a new “earthlike” planet filled with thousand-foot-tall rape monsters or the latest MSNBC documentary about the night demons who arrive all the time in UFOs as foretold in the Bible, it seems we just can’t escape the fact that [...]
Certainly You Assumed Sharron Angle Likes The U.N., But You Were Wrong
Sharron Angle was forced to speak words yesterday, as she has yet to come up with the brilliant idea to have her campaign say she has a throat infection that makes her mute for the next few months. “The United Nations resides on our soil and costs us money. We are — I don’t see [...]
Colorado GOP Gov. Candidate Saves America From U.N.-Bicycle Conspiracy
Dan Maes is in a tough spot! He’s running for the Republican gubernatorial nomination in Colorado against a known plagiarist, and if he wins the primary he’ll just have to take on Tom Tancredo and the awesomely named “Denver Mayor John Hickenlooper.” How do you set yourself apart in that sort of field? Hmm, “Declare [...]
Basil Marceaux Is Your New, Even Better Ernest J. Pagels, Jr.
When our friend Ernest J. Pagels, Jr., dropped out of his race for Senate earlier this week, we didn’t know if we could ever love again. But you know what? The universe works in mysterious ways. It started with a simple e-mail subject line in our tips inbox: “It’s okay to laugh at the mentally [...]
Elizabeth Windsor Returns To Scene Of Her 9/11 Crimes
Nobody educated denies that the 9/11 attacks were planned at the highest levels at Buckingham Palace. It’s well-known that the Teutonic clan that has run the once-great British nation ever since the bloodless coup of the “Hanoverian Succession” (with the Aryan bloodline reinforced by Queen Victoria’s marriage to a Germanic princeling) will stop at nothing [...]
Orly Taitz Thinks UN Can/Will Protect Her
Queen Birther and international lawyer-dentist Orly Taitz has asked the United Nations Human Rights Council to protect her. We know that she is in hiding from other mean lawyers because she issued a press release, about how she is hiding. It comes under the name of “Dr. Jonathan Levy,” supposedly her lawyer, even though she [...]
Internet Star Barack Obama Talked About Twitter Like The Whole Time He Was Abroad
Obama told Chinese teenagers about the uncensored Internet, a mediocre collection of re-purposed AP articles and some videos that generally people only like when it’s not available. [New York Times] Over at some United Nations summit, everyone bonded about how much they hate hunger but declined to throw any money at the problem. [AP] Starting [...]
At Least Everyone Can Agree It Will Be Nice To Have Football On At Bars Again!
Last night the Yankees baseball team won the competition that determines the best baseball team of all the other baseball teams! [New York Times] 600 UN staffers in Afghanistan will leave the country for a few weeks while the UN works to find them housing that will be harder to blow up. [Washington Post] Hurricane [...]
Jonah Goldberg Discovers Funniest Story On Entire Internet
Ha ha ha ha ha hahha ahah, so good, but wait, where’s the… oh…OHHHH! The story itself is the punchline! And yet, what could the specific comedic mechanism be here? Maybe that it’s silly for the U.N. to do this when America is the richest and freest country in the world so obviously there couldn’t [...]
What Wingnut Thing Did Mike Huckabee Say At That Conference?
Mike Huckabee has a new (/old!) idea: get rid of the United Nations completely, because of those mean speeches the other day. This, however, is an improvement over recent years, when the actual U.S. ambassador to the United Nations, John Bolton, was the most prominent figure arguing for the destruction of the United Nations. But [...]
Kadhafi/Gadhafi/Qaddifi/Gaddafi/Kaddafi/Kadafi Goes Nuts At UN
Libyan President Whatever-the-hell delivered a real barnburner at the United Nations today, in his first speech to the General Assembly. Here he is being like, “Little known fact about the Taliban: they’re pretty great!” In his allotted 15 minutes — which somehow became 60-plus minutes — he also demanded $7.7 trillion in reparations from the [...]
Media Standoff! Press (Almost) Boycotts Sarah Palin At The U.N.
That gal with the lipstick is going to meet with Important World Leaders at the UN today, so naturally the McCain campaign did not want any reporters anywhere near that disaster. They said, “OK all you press organizations can get together and decide on ONE cameraperson to record the beginning of these meetings, before Sarah [...]
Presumptuous Sarah Palin To Meet With World Leaders
Well looky here at who’s getting too big for her lipsticks! It’s the most presumptuous celebrity in the world, Alaskan teleprompter fraud Sarah Palin. She’ll be meeting with various foreign dignitaries at the U.N. next week in order to show dubious Americans that she can, uh, sit down for crab cakes and fizzy water with [...]
George Clooney Named U.N. ‘Messenger of Peace’
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