Tag: united nations

Editrix can have Old Handsome Joe Biden, we like Sexy Obama.

Barack Obama’s Terrible, Horrible, Badass, Balls Out Rager Of A Week

Oh look at the White House all BRAGGIN' and shit. That Nice Time video above was provided to yr Wonkette (and by "provided," we mean we went to the White House website and copied the embed code) as a...
Is Louie Gohmert a Ferengi? We're only asking!

Don’t Accuse Louie Gohmert Of Callin’ Obama A Terrorist, ‘Twas An Innocent Question

This one seems a little out there, even for the mighty mental power that is Texas congresstoad Louie Gohmert: In a floor speech in the House of Representatives, Gohmert wanted to ask -- just ask, mind you -- whether...
Somewhere somehow somebody must have kicked him around some. Maybe in the head.

Rand Paul: Why Help Iraqi Refugees? We Won, So Suck It, Losers.

Libertarian Superstar Rand Paul brought his trademark "Every issue must be discussed like a 2 AM bull session in the Objectivist Dorm" sensibilities to the issue of resettling Iraqi refugees, explaining that we don't need to help those people,...
P.S. They ARE crackpots

Hero Gov. Greg Abbott Will Stop Obama From Doing Martial Law And ISIS To Poor Texans

If you are a fear-addled conspiracy theory-loving wingnut reading this, you already KNOW what we are about to say. Terrible demonic false flag Indo-Kenyan "President" Barack Obama is preparing AT THIS VERY MOMENT to impose martial law on Texas,...
Is he even Catholic?

Koch Brothers Explain Bible To Pope. Thanks, Koch Brothers!

While most of the world is trying to figure out what to do about this whole climate change thing before it's too late and we are all OOPS! dead, the concerned citizens at the completely objective Heartland Institute, which...

It’s Sunday Funday At The Wonkette, Let’s Reminisce About The Week That Was!

Hola, Wonkerados! How is your Easter Sunday going? Ours is very nice! Won't you sit and have some internet brunch with us, so we can reminisce about all the lovely things that happened during the week? It wasn't all...
President In Name Only

Republicans Tire Of Telling Americans Obama Isn’t Really President, Decide To Inform The U.N. Instead

So this is how the Republican Party is going to proceed until they finally repeal President Obama from the White House: The Obama administration's plan for U.N. climate change talks encountered swift opposition after its release Tuesday, with Republican leaders warning...
Now, about my disappearing ecosystem...

Oh Hey, The White House To Do Something On Climate Change! Tyranny, Etc., Impeach!

So here's some breaking climate news that's actually a step in the right direction. The Obama administration announced Tuesday that it has set an official target for reducing the amount of greenhouse gases we pump into the atmosphere, and...

Hillary Clinton Don’t Give A Sh*t

Hillary Clinton, she's this lady, you might have heard of her. Former senator and secretary of state, might be prezzy maybe, puts off liberals by being all centrist, puts off conservatives by having a vagina and a mouth at...
Gentlemen, I have a plan.

Hero Texas State Senator Won’t Let UN Seize The Alamo For New World Order HQ

You might think that Texas state Sen. Donna Campbell sounds a bit goofy for introducing a bill to ban the United Nations from taking ownership of the Alamo, but we have a feeling she might actually just be really...
Dumb ladies want fairness because dumb

Bill O’Reilly Thinks Michelle Obama Is A Big Dumb Girl

First lady Michelle Obama sure asks a lot of dumb questions. When she addressed the United Nations Global Education First Initiative earlier this week, for example, she was all, "Do we truly value women as equals, or do we...

Sundays With The Christianists: American History Textbooks That Leave Reality To Other People

Better fire up your modems and log into your AOL account (or Prodigy for you hipsters). Time for another look at the ruinous near-decade of prosperity under Bill Clinton, as refracted through the Truthiness Lens of rightwing Christian textbooks....

Iowa Senate Candidate Joni Ernst Will Castrate UN’s Evil ‘Agenda 21’ Plot To Make You Ride A Bicycle

Who could have predicted this? Joni Ernst, whose adorable PigBalls ad won her Iowa's Republican nomination for Senate, is also afraid of the United Nations' Agenda 21, which she is pretty sure is a global environmentalist plot to force...

Excellent Socialist Pope Is Excellent, Socialist And Also Too Maybe Marxist

In the strictest search result for "socialism" sense of the word, Pope Francis is not a socialist because he has not (to our knowledge) ever argued for " society in which major industries are owned and controlled by the government"....

Sundays With The Christianists: American History Textbooks Fighting Godless Communism From Korea To The U.N.

If there's anything that gets the editors of our textbooks for Christian homeschoolers exercised, it's communism. And evolution. And deviations from fundamentalist Protestantism. And secular humanism. But especially communism (which is influenced by Darwinism and atheism). And so, it...

Victoria Jackson Just Says Yes To Running For Office, All Wonkette’s Fever Nightmare Dreams Come True

We knew it might happen. We hoped for the best. We had a campaign poster contest. And now we have the candidate. The Tennessean reports: Former “Saturday Night Live” cast member Victoria Jackson wants her next act to be as...