Washington, D.C.: The Town That Runs On Gross Sex
Friday, May 8th, 2009What basic human impulse motivates the men and women who stride the corridors of power in our nation’s capital? Is it a desire to advance the interests of their nation? An urge to mold the government to reflect their political ideology? Do they wish to help their fellow citizens? Is it mere lust for power? Ha ha, obviously none of these are the real reason; rather politicians seek to attain and to hold elected office on the federal level because of the insatiable tingling of their naughty parts, because Washington, D.C., is a great big fuckfest for gross, nasty people who would otherwise spend their time masturbating morosely. Cartoons will show you this, though you’ll wish that they hadn’t. MORE »












On Tuesday, Arlen Specter shocked America’s unions by switching sides on the Employee Free Choice Act and promising he would vote “no” if it ever came to a vote, on which he may have been the filibuster-breaking vote, thereby most likely killing the legislation for at least this year. In response, Joe the Plumber has 
Ugh you people David Denby is rolling in his grave, tut-tutting at the lack of fact-checking and basic research going on at the Huffington Post. Yes, we have seen this thing about how Eric Cantor allegedly distributed some video spoof about the union coalition AFSCME after they ran ads about what a bad person he was for opposing the stimulus bill. “The House whip reacted with an ad of his own, depicting AFSCME workers as curse-spewing bullies,” writes HuffPo’s Rachel Weiner, no relation to our own Juli Weiner (as far as we know! Ha, fact checking).
OK here is the problem with labor/union disputes: they are invariably very complicated and sort of dull to the uninitiated. The articles about these disputes are fiendishly unskimmable, and they often discuss legislation that doesn’t at first glance favor one side or the other until you look into it and realize they are PURE GOOD/EVIL. Thus it is with some trepidation that we even attempt to wade into the Hilda Solis debacle.
Surprise, surprise: The soviet-muslin Barack Obama has chosen his fancy tuxedo for inauguration day, and it’s coming from the socialist union workers at Hart Schaffner Marx. It will supposedly be Obama’s first new tuxedo in fifteen years. What, you don’t have your own tailored formal wear that you modestly replace every fifteen years? The happy haberdashery is already showing off by offering to make even humble slobs like yourself look
Socialist villain Barack Obama has been endorsed by another group of Blame America First gay sellouts, those lazy clowns known as “America’s Firefighters.” The International Association of Fire Fighters is endorsing Obama at some fire in Las Vegas today, because the Democratic candidate thinks lazy firemen deserve “collective bargaining,” which sounds pretty communist, so that’s why John McCain is bravely against firefighters getting paid a decent wage. [
An angry Connecticut Democrat says that he will rent a very large floating rat and display it outside the XCel Energy Center in St. Paul if Joe Lieberman decides to attend the Republican National Convention, which he hasn’t been invited to. This angry guy, Ed Anderson, says he is “ready to apply for permits” and everything, which is tantamount to imminent violence.
THREE MORE SUPERDELEGATES, PLUS A UNION ENDORSEMENT: Hopey just got a nod from the American Federation of Government Employees and picked up another three superdelegates (including a Clinton traitor). That means Obama is now five (and a half?) superdelgates shy of Hillary’s total. [