Texas Gov. Rick Perry is such a badass, right, and he doesn’t like it when those incompetent fucktards in Washington start fucking around with his Texas fucking budget. Ever heard of the 10th Amendment, about how states are responsible for powers not granted to the federal government? Well go suck a dick, Obama, cause Rick Perry went out of his way today to support a non-binding House resolution that fucking says right there, right there on the first page, that the 10th Amendment is… just a really good Amendment, motherfuckers. He supports it. Rick Perry supports that fucking shit. MORE »

• MORE TIME TO READ YOUR WONKETTE! Ooh, they’ve released the March Jobs Report, let’s see whats we gots here… GAHH! It’s terrible. We must be in a recession! 663,000 jobs were slashed last month, and the unemployment rate rose to 8.5% while the secret “real” unemployment rate rose to 15.6%. Weekly initial jobless claims rose from 657,000 to 669,000 in the largest increase since October 1982. [AP, CNN]

NO JOBS LEFT TO LOSE: New jobless claims fell this week, hooray, due to the number of jobs in the US forming an asymptote with zero. Continuing jobless claims, meanwhile, are just staggering and awful, a wretched 5.47 million and counting. Start growing your Victory Gardens now, because otherwise you might not have food next winter. [MSNBC]

Have you heard about the hot new craze sweeping the ranks of marginally employed basement-dwelling Pajamas Media devotees? It’s called “Going Galt,” and it refers to when the owner of a small haberdashery in East Tennessee has to lay off employees because nobody wants hats anymore, but the owner says they are voluntarily withdrawing their productive labor from society because Barack Obama is a “looter” and a socialist. MORE »

With more than 150,000 people losing their jobs every week in the United States and millions more being laid off around the world, the scams are getting ridiculous. Take this message from “hr@coca-cola.com,” which we just received: Coca-Cola is hiring all over the world, full-time positions, great pay and benefits, etc. Just fill out the attached form with all your personal information! MORE »

Man remember back when there was this thing called “the dole,” and you could live on it forever while you traveled the country on freight trains, singing hobo medleys and strumming on a banjo? All that changed when Ronald Reagan came to office and cracked down on Welfare Queens, with their diamonds and furs and pink Cadillacs. But if you were a reasonably good employee who got laid off, you could still expect a pittance from the government while you looked for a new job. Not anymore, parasites! MORE »

Congratulations to the 35,000 doomed people who filed new unemployment claims last week — thanks to you unlucky folks, January job losses hit 626,000, the highest unemployment numbers since the Ronald Reagan Recession/Depression of 1982. That was a fun catastrophe. Why doesn’t anyone ever talk about Reagan’s Depression? MORE »

Well here is some cheerful news for a Thursday! Everybody and their mom likes to file unemployment claims these days, on account of the no jobs anywhere, but the claims take forever to be processed because everybody at the unemployment office got laid off due to lack of funding. MORE »

Terminally unemployed Meghan McCain made a name for herself by typing a very weird, very revealing warblog during her dad’s tragicomic campaign. The only real “news” she broke was by posting a home video of John McCain’s special BBQ love fest for his supporters, the national political press, at one of his estates in Arizona. The American media was always there for McCain, bringing him donuts and laughing at his gorilla-rape jokes, because he made them feel good. So, obviously, Meghan is so furious about that mean old pro-Obama press who stole the election from the Real American. MORE »

Guess who wants to work for Barack Obama? Everyone! And maybe in a few years, once he has nationalized the couple of industries that haven’t already been nationalized and formed a WPA for singing madrigals and puppeteers, literally every American citizen will be his employee. But for the time being, most of the THREE HUNDRED THOUSAND people who applied for jobs with the Obama administration will probably not get hired. MORE »

NEW REPORT SAYS NOBODY HAS JOBS ANYMORE: Yoinks, over half a million jobs lost in a month! Our robust American economy shed an additional 533,000 jobs in November and the unemployment rate rose to 6.7 percent. This confirms our suspicion that Wonkette readers, who have performed so gloriously in EcoDriving USA’s marvelous time-suck of a contest, constitute some massive portion of the recently unemployed. [Bureau of Labor Statistics]