Tag: unemployment

"I'm just a girl in the world" - No Doubt (1995)

Sasha Obama Takes Job From Real American

Good news on the labor front this week. Not only are we in the midst of a record 77 consecutive months of job growth, but real wages are also going up. That's excellent and overdue. While conservatives complain about...
The REAL numbers are far worse, like when you include retired people and children!

Trump Delegates Can’t Believe How Terrible The Economy Is For Everyone But Them

Republican convention delegates are really disappointed the economy is in such terrible shape, except where they're from, where things are great in spite of Barack Obama, not because of anything he did.
Princess Sunbutt Will Rise Again!

Deleted Comments Of The Week: Dammit, George Soros’s Check Bounced

Oh, what a lovely crop of stupid we have harvested for you this week, ye Wonkers. There's some new stuff, as well as a few geniuses who suddenly showed up to re-fight a post about the Civil War from...

Maryland Rep Opposes DC Statehood Because Of All These Facts He Just Made Up

You know what would be a terrible, horrible, no-good, very bad thing for the country? If Washington DC, the only part of the continental United States that currently gets no actual say in the legislative branch of government, got full...
Editrix can have Old Handsome Joe Biden, we like Sexy Obama.

How Obama Is Dividing America By Making Things Better: A Wonksplainer

President Obama continues his longstanding tradition of creating jobs to push his partisan agenda of economic recovery, while simultaneously dividing this country by making liars out of Republicans who swear he is ruining America. Candidate Obama promised to bring this country together,...

Carly Fiorina: Sure, I’m A Liar, But Argle Bargle Liberal Media Grrr Argh

GOP presidential hopeful Carly Fiorina just loves her juicy fibs. Bill Clinton's wife has never been criticized for her appearance for basically all of the last 25 years. She WATCHED THE VIDEO! of Planned Parenthood doing bad things that she could not have...

What Is Washington DC? A Wonksplainer Just For You, Jeb!

For a man applying for public housing in DC for the next four to eight years, Jeb Bush sure does seem to loathe it with the passion of a thousand low-energy suns. As a privileged son-and-brother-of-a-president golden-spoon-bred asshole, he gives zero...
He is an actual, biological tortoise. And NRA stooge.

America All Out Of Workers Because Everyone’s Snorting Food Stamps And Social Security

So, Politico has an exciting (like Jeb!! Bush) new interview with Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell, and for the most part it's pretty much what you'd expect: blah blah Barack Obama sucks, Harry Reid sucks, if only we had a...
The Clintons give Mama such a sad.

Dame Peggington Noonington Explains ‘Work’ To The Little People

Today is Friday and for our sins the Good Lord hath seen fit to deliver unto us further maundering from the pen of Sister Margaret Ellen Noonan, blessed servant of the Order of Thorazine and Gin. Let us gaze...
Why don't you pass the time in the ER with a game of solitaire?

Donald Trump Will Repeal Obamacare, Replace It With Terrific Fence

Donald Trump has the YOOGEST, CLASSIEST plan ever to replace Obamacare, and it's going to be so incredible, it will probably blow his already-perfect plans for defeating ISIS out of the water, that's how good it is. On CNN...
Good evening, Des Moines!

Scott Walker Addresses People Of Iowa? New Hampshire? Wait. Wisconsin? Yeah, Wisconsin

It’s a new year, which means government executives all over the country are in the midst of self-congratulatory presentations of cherry-picked accomplishments and passive-aggressively reading lists of future demands. It’s mostly trite and zzzzzzzz but some of them are...

Rick Santorum: I’m Not Crazy, THEY’RE The Crazy Ones

Oh, Rick "Don't Google Me, seriously, stop it, it's not funny anymore!" Santorum, how we love thee. Santorum has the unique gift of standing out as one of the craziest Bible-humping crazies in a crowded field of serious contender...
The politically correct war on dorks continues

Derp Roundup: Science Man Wears Tacky Sexist Shirt, Twitter Has Thoughts

Welcome to Derp Update, your occasional feature where we purge our browsers of stories that didn't quite merit a whole post, but were too remarkably stupid to ignore altogether. Fear that your brain cells may be harmed by exposure...
You don't deserve that beer, pal

Last Month’s Jobless Claims Fall To 14-Year Low. Thanks Republican Senate!

Well, look at that! The Republicans take the Senate, and in less than 48 hours, the four-week average of initial jobless claims falls to a 14-year low! Now that's a jobs plan! About 278,000 people filed for first-time unemployment benefits,...

Scott Walker Will Fight For Wisconsin’s Right To Collect Poor People’s Pee

Scott Walker, locked in a tight race for his second term as governor of Wisconsin, wants his constituents to know he's committed to their conservative Midwestern values. It's all right there in his campaign's new manifesto, "Continuing Wisconsin's Comeback":...

Fox News Pretty Sure This Strong Jobs Report Proves Barack Obama Is Terrible

So, hey, some pretty good employment news today: The June jobs report from the Bureau of Labor Statistics shows that the economy added 288,000 jobs in June, and the unemployment rate dropped from 6.3% in May to 6.1% last...