Tag Archives: undecided voters

  pay attention to meeeeeee

Walking Morality Tale Lindsay Lohan Really Milking This Whole Undecided ‘Voter’ Thing

You guys, Lindsay Lohan just does NOT know what to do about this whole “presidential race” thing, and it is seriously stressing her out! Earlier this month chronically underemployed former child star Lindsay Lohan said she was supporting Mitt Romney because “employment is really important right now,” but Politico reports that on Monday she retweeted a message from the Obama campaign: “RT if you’re #ProudOfObama as our commander in chief.” Then, securing her position as the nation’s most undecided voter, Lohan deleted the tweet and declared that no one is more stressed about this historic decision than she is. “Nice work to both @BarackObama and @mittromney…” wrote Lohan. “i’m so relieved that its over. Maybe more than both of you..severe anxiety-God Bless xo L.” Read more on Walking Morality Tale Lindsay Lohan Really Milking This Whole Undecided ‘Voter’ Thing…
  it takes a panel of dozens to act like hacks

Fox News Convenes Post-Debate Panel Of Snippy Idiots; Foofaraw Ensues

Fox News once again hired ruddy shitmonster Frank Luntz to convene a panel of undecided voters who watch Fox News (read: Romney voters who want to be on Fox News). There is video (as the kids are saying, “after the fold”). Fox Nation describes this as “Luntz Focus Group Erupts Into Near Brawl,” but it comes off more as “Luntz Focus Group Erupts Into Backbiting Fuck-Tussle.” Read more on Fox News Convenes Post-Debate Panel Of Snippy Idiots; Foofaraw Ensues…
  the unbearable lightness of being

We Genocided The Indians And Enslaved The Slaves So Man-Child Could Live With Parents And Whine About Voting

Happy Columbus Day, Merkins! Are you so grateful to be a citizen of the US-of-A on this, the day we commemorate how we came over and righteously kicked some Injun ass? How about if you knew we had given our righteous ass-kickings so terrible man-children could live in their parents’ garage apartments, decline full time jobs teaching in their fields, take long meandering drives to nowhere, and then whine about how hard it is to choose between Miffed Romney and B. Barry Bamz, because Mr. Bamz has yet to bring them their own personal ponies? USA! USA! Wonkers, meet the most punchable man in America. Read more on We Genocided The Indians And Enslaved The Slaves So Man-Child Could Live With Parents And Whine About Voting…
  the new york times is on it

Exclusive NYT Interview Indicates That Undecided Voters May Despise Politics Entirely

The New York Times ventured out of the Big City to conduct one of its most ambitious anthropological studies of the election, deep into the virgin forests of Ohio. Veteran Timesman John Harwood was tasked with a mission that no cub reporter would ever have returned from alive: Talking to some lady in Ohio about the election, in a parking lot. What motivates this creature, the “Regular Ohioan”? How does she respond to political stimuli? Does she see the teevee ads in her flyover hinterland, and how does her genetic wiring influence the words that come out of her mouth? The preliminary results — and lord knows there’s still test after test needing to be run back at the lab — indicate that she “hates everything about politics,” as they term it in Science. Read more on Exclusive NYT Interview Indicates That Undecided Voters May Despise Politics Entirely…
  send them all to france

Undecided Voters Not That Important After All

Well HA now you don’t have to feel so bad about actually watching the news and having opinions about who the president should be! You, the “decided voter,” are actually just as important as the undecideds. This mythical group of undecided dunderheads with a mystical power to sway elections through the force of their procrastinatory ignorance is actually not that important, because they do not tend to break overwhelmingly toward one candidate or the other. Or if they do, there aren’t enough of them to really change the picture. Read more on Undecided Voters Not That Important After All…