To update our earlier “well sourced” post — based on a single e-mail and a NewsMax link — we can now somewhat confirm that John Bolton is going to spend a lot more time with Don Rumsfeld’s family. MORE »

When we realized that Creepy Uncle John Bolton’s appointment to the UN was dead in the water, the first place we went for incisive, intelligent commentary was radical nutjob Pamela “Atlas” Oshrey, the blogosphere’s number one Bolton dry-humper. She did not disappoint. MORE »

John “Bushy” Bolton is supposedly the next Bush Administration creature to say goodbye, but he may not even get the fancy luxury of a White House press conference hosted by George “Fabulous Job” Bush. MORE »

• UN, like Goldilocks, needs to find sanctions for North Korea that are not too harsh, not too weak. [WP, NYT, WSJ]

• White House believes nuclear test was a “big deal” even if the bomb was made out of chewing gum, popsicle sticks. [NYT, USAT]
• Kim Jong-Il isn’t crazy, just crazy in love with Bree Van De Kamp. [LAT]
• Hastert holds press conference to remind congressional staffers that shit still flows downhill. [WP, NYT]
• McCain unsure if it’s 2008 or 1998, blasts both Clintons to hedge his bets. [WP]
• More than twice as many Iraqis have died violently since 2003, than in the previous 20 years under the Hussein regime. [WSJ]
• The case of a recently killed Russian journalist and the long dead Russian independent media. [WP, NYT]

• White House proposes that new, stricter sanctions on North Korea include weapons, Louis Vuitton Fall/Winter collection. [WP, NYT]

• “Axis of evil” still only 33% invaded. [WP]
• How the hell did they get that bomb anyway? [LAT]
• Papers publish polls. Probable voters pretty pissed at GOP. [WP, NYT, USAT]
• Democrats need to gain 15 seats to take control of the House, Republicans admit they plan to lose between 7 and 30. [WP]
• Hispanic population in US largely unregistered, those who do vote are open to pandering. [WSJ]
• South Korean Foreign Minister Ban Ki-moon to become new UN Secretary General. [NYT]
• Google buys YouTube for $1.65 billion, a price that was buoyed by the cute cat videos you uploaded last week. [NYT]

• The Democratic People’s Republic of North Korea detonates the tiny little nuclear weapon they made. US forces were so looking forward to Iran. [WP, NYT, LAT,USAT, W$J]

• Jim Kolbe, Congress’s only openly gay Republican, confronted Foley all the way back in 2000. [WP]
• But the “main” cover up started here: details about the Fall 2005 Foley “intervention” with Trandahl, Shimkus. [NYT]
• Republican Congressional candidates say Foley is still “sucking,” hurting their campaigns. [WP]
• George Allen, “The Man Who Could Maybe Still Get Elected Sheriff In Lynchburg,” neglected to report stock options in technology companies he got after serving as Governor, but before joining the senate. [NYT]
• Fareed Zakaria is not too sexy for secret Iraq war justification meetings. [NYT]
• Slapping childrens’ asses increases their chance of becoming a greedy corporate shrew. [USAT]
• UN Anti-Poverty campaign testing viral video marketing, surprised at how “tasteless” Americans really are. [WSJ]

A screengrab for posterity, because you will never see it again and your children will surely want to know about the day Noam Chomsky outsold John Grisham. MORE »

We loved the Hugo Chavez show. And then he pulls out the Chomsky … incredible! Sadly, Hugo didn’t fulfill our second prophecy: Guatemalan friendship bracelets handed out to all the brothers and sisters at the UN … except for the Devil guy. MORE »

WashingtonPost.com

• Bush addresses UN General Assembly, wants to embrace a peace-loving Iran, avoids Ahmadinejad like he had the enriched uranium in his pocket. [WP, NYT, LAT, W$J]

• White House “blinks” in stand-off with McCain’s gang, torture bill being revised. [NYT]
• Troop levels in Iraq not going down in 2006, could go up. [WP]
• Iraqi Prime Minister Nuri Kamal al-Maliki at least partially to blame for that. [NYT]
• Laura Bush “is the most popular Republican in the country right now.” [WP]
• Seemingly bloodless coup in Thailand threatens young democracy, stalwart sex trade unaffected, thanks for asking. [W$J]
• An Iraqi reporter chillingly laments the lack of good Samaritans in his Baghdad neighborhood. [LAT]
• Aerospace giant Boeing wins multi-billion dollar contract for border security in spite of the massive fuck-ups with its luggage screening work. [WP]
• George Allen figures a little extra ethnicity couldn’t hurt, embraces Jewish roots. [WP]

While we want to make it very clear that “revoking the constitution and promising a swift return to democracy after political reforms” is the coup d’etat equivalent of “I swear to god I was wearing a condom,” Thailand’s remarkably bloodless coup will hopefully serve as an example of how to fix a sick government. MORE »