• Hey Britain and France, whatcha up to today? OH NOTHING just accusing Iran of having the most secret and evil nuclear facility ever before the G20. There is also this Thai place in downtown Pittsburgh that we have been meaning to try. [New York Times]
• Najibullah Zazi is probably the most self-realized terrorist the U.S. has ever arrested: he was further along in acting on a more complicated plan than everyone since Osama’s guys in 2001. [New York Times]
• Tim Russert’s dad—the “Big Russ” of Tim Russert’s book, Big Russ and Me—has died. MSNBC is expected to play a four to six week-long Powerpoint in remembrance. [CNN]
• Didja hear?: An important young people activism protest went down in Pittsburgh’s East End last night! A few dozen people were arrested for smashing windows and frankly being rather unpleasant, especially considering what lovely weather we were having yesterday. [Post-Gazette]
• Gaddafi has been saying contradictory mood-swing-y things this whole week: First he called the U.N. a “terror council,” and then he called Obama his “son,” but then he was like, I get it, I get why everyone who had a family member die in the Lockerbie bombing is so upset with me about Lockerbie. [Wall Street Journal]
• Compared to 2007, fewer people are giving less money to the Democrats. This is because the Democrats have either annoyed or attempted to dwindle the fortunes of a lot of their big donors. [Washington Post]

Libyan President Whatever-the-hell delivered a real barnburner at the United Nations today, in his first speech to the General Assembly. Here he is being like, “Little known fact about the Taliban: they’re pretty great!” In his allotted 15 minutes — which somehow became 60-plus minutes — he also demanded $7.7 trillion in reparations from the West for colonizing the African continent for centuries (a steal of a price, to be honest), blamed the UN for failing to stop or prevent 65 wars, and said he loved Barack Obama and wants him to be president for life, aww. [AP]

After a frightening round of campaigning in nearby Virginia, Bill Clinton has been given a long list of weird destinations, in hopes he will “keep busy” for the next eight years, far from polite Washington society. First came word of his appointment as special UN envoy to Haiti, which is known for its lack of TMZ and Politico reporters. Then we got the exciting news about Bill’s weekend trip to Austria, for the big transsexual sex festival, “Vienna Life Ball,” to raise money for the AIDS. Next up? A six-month diplomatic tour of Antarctica’s subterranean lesbian ice-sprite colony. [Gawker/Washington Post]

That gal with the lipstick is going to meet with Important World Leaders at the UN today, so naturally the McCain campaign did not want any reporters anywhere near that disaster. They said, “OK all you press organizations can get together and decide on ONE cameraperson to record the beginning of these meetings, before Sarah says something awkward about Hamid Karzai’s hat, but there will be no reporters to ask questions.” And for the first time in the history of ever, the press collectively told McCain to cram it. And then they took it back. MORE »

United Nation Secretary-General Ban Ki-moon has named famous starlet George Clooney as the social club’s ninth Messenger of Peace, because of his work doing something vaguely good for planet earth. Early reports indicate it was his phenomenal work in the film Ocean’s Thirteen that sealed the deal for Secretary-General Bat Shit-moon. MORE »

The United Nations, earth’s premiere international organization, is suffering from what a generous person might refer to as a PR problem. The once-esteemed institution (granted that was 50 years ago) now suffers from what is feared to be widespread corruption and also, thanks to our very own Decider-in-Chief, almost total irrelevance on the international stage. How does a tarnished international recover that righteous shine? Hire Spider Man, obviously. The UN is pairing up with Marvel Comics to make a free comic book to instill some faith in the UN in America’s children, the only group of people anywhere in the world insulated enough not to know better. MORE »

Colin Powell was right, motherfuckers, no matter how much he says he lied. When he told the United Nations that he totally knew for sure there were Weapons of Mass Destruction, his sole error was in claiming those evil weapons were in Iraq, when they were actually in the UN headquarters itself, only to be found by a cleaning crew four-and-a-half years later. MORE »

Ho ho ho, so much for that “no news until next year” tradition. The world is coming apart at the seams and only copious amounts of Holiday Cheer(tm) will dull the pain. Welcome to the World Gone Wrong: MORE »

* As John Bolton steps down, his shoes, though not his mustache, are likely to be filled by Zalmay Khalilzad. [WP, NYT]
* Bolton’s UN colleagues feel like it’s their birthday. [NYT]
* Sam Brownback can’t quit the idea of being President. [WP]
* Republicans will try to muscle through a weird “Abortion Anesthesia Bill” before the close of Congress. [WP]
* President Bush meets with Iraqi Shiite leader who thinks the only policy change America needs is to kick more ass, take less names. [WP, NYT]
* FBI spends too much time investigating mine-sweeper, comes up short on funds for new computer system. [NYT]
* NASA’s plan for a new moon base is supported by space cadets. [WP]
* Paper of record covers DC’s ruthless manipulation of Utah, hunt for most basic constitutional rights. [NYT]

John Bolton, greatest American Ambassador to the UN ever, has resigned. We will let his number one fan do the honors: MORE »

Actual psychopath Jim Inhofe sent some of his staff to a UN climate-change meeting and has since learned a terrible secret: The actual goal of these “global warming” devils is to brainwash children. MORE »