Wonkette

The former frontrunner for the Republican nomination and mayor of 9/11, Rudy Giuliani, is keeping himself busy with his consulting business these days, which has been booming ever since his highly successful presidential candidacy. He is now consulting in UKRAINE for some stupid mayor’s race, where His Candidate is a former boxer. Look at the great advice Rudy is giving his candidate: “If Vitaly is elected mayor of Kiev, my first piece of advice for him would be to say … no more corruption, corruption is over.” … Because of 9/11? [FP Passport]

While America steeps in a cauldron of racial tension and John McCain terrorizes the nation’s youth, George Bush is frolicking around the Ukraine and other far-flung parts of that land mass that sits between Germany and the Bering Strait. We refer, of course to the future member nations of NATO, a Cold War era organization formed in order to compete with an increasingly powerful OPEC. Join us on George Bush’s whirlwind tour of poisoned world leaders! MORE »

Greetings, fellow Americans! Here in America, we have finally reached the point where candidates begin running for president even before the fucking mid-term elections, so we basically have political campaigns going on all the time. The one saving grace, of course, is that the public face of these campaigns is run by America’s graphic designers, video editors, and advertising copywriters, whose skills are unparalleled. America may not grow or make and assemble or process or understand anything anymore, but if you want shit — or shitty people — sold to you, the US of A has still got it. But what of The Foreigns? When they run for president or chancellor or king or whatever, who designs their posters? The answer, sadly, is: more Foreigns! They’re often not as good, though as you’ll see after the jump, there are certain flashes of brilliance. MORE »

Hello everyone, and welcome to this week’s edition of The Foreigns: They’re Just Like Us! Our goal as always is to prove that we Americans and those foreign Foreigns have nothing to fear from one another, and that under our variously colored skins, we’re really more alike than different. For instance, did you know that, like you, the Foreigns can’t get enough of the infectious 2002 smash hit single “In da club?” Also like you, they have ludicrously misguided ideas about AIDS, are racists, and are high as fucking kites. Join us for a guided tour of depravity, after the jump! MORE »

If you’re an American and you read this site, you are almost certainly embarrassed by this nation’s government. Was it for this, you wonder, that our forefathers pledged their sacred honor to fight the tyrant British, or rose up to free themselves from bondage and discrimination, or travelled across the ocean with nothing but the clothes on their backs: so that we could live under a government where venality and corruption are the order of the day, where criminals make war for profit and a surprising number of powerful individuals use their influence to procure the favor of teenage boys? Wouldn’t we better off living somewhere, anywhere, but America? Don’t foreigners have it better than we do? MORE »

The War on Paultards reached a turning point yesterday, and the spambots — very, very serious this time — are gasping for breath on the Internets today. A flood of spam in late October promoting Ron Paul has been traced to criminal spambots in Ukraine — about 3,000 of them! — that targeted over 162 million e-mail addresses. So. Now. Will these Paultards stop pretending they are real humans? MORE »

Former Ukrainian Prime Minister Yulia Tymoshenko is claiming victory in Sunday’s national elections (in Ukraine) and the Orange Revolution blah blah blah oh my god she is still smoking hot. She’s kind of goth and habitually wears this weird “crown of hair” hairstyle — known locally as the “Yulia,” which means her name in Ukrainian — but we still support Ms. Tymoshenko as the world’s finest PMILF.

Her beauty is yet another tragic example of what experts call “The Slavic Curse,” in which all the women are impossible babes and all the men look like Yeltsin, and even the rare handsome politician is immediately poisoned to make him look like this. Anyway, good luck with whatever your party stands for, Yulia!

Opposition Claims Victory in Ukraine [NYT]