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Look what you’re missing on the Tucker Carlson Show! Not much, to be sure, but we need to keep up with the Conservative Media Personalities to see what they know about Cheney’s new “moon base” which is being installed by Halliburton to goad the Space Monsters into a war so we can take all the natural resources from the gas giant Bespin. The ex-Canadian assistant space police guy under Pierre Trudeau is saying this, so it’s probably pretty much true. Also, Tucker supports bombing innocent E.T. babies with depleted plutonium, and he has patriotically assaulted many older gay aliens in the Mos Eisley cantina.

Bush Plans Defence Stance Against Aliens [YouTube]

Have you heard of Belgium? It’s apparently a little country somewhere in Europe. Belgium used to own Africa and invented chocolate and/or french fries and has problems with UFOs and pedophiles. You may have even unwittingly visited Belgium, if you’re a member of the European Union government or maybe traveled from England to “the continent” by boat in the days before the Chunnel train. To this day, some French people travel through Belgium by train on their way to get their heroin in Amsterdam. MORE »

So, um, there’s this CNN video of Bush talking about the subprime mortgage meltdown. And there’s a frickin’ SPACE ALIEN standing over his right shoulder, presumably giving him his lines. Go ahead, watch the video. WHAT IS THAT OMG WHAT IS GOING ON?

Help for homeowners in trouble [CNN Video]

After many years of research around the world, the International Atomic Energy Agency has revealed the new global warning for ionizing radiation: a terrifying scene of an alien spaceship shooting death rays at a pirate flag and stick figure.

Learn about the terrible fate of mankind, after the jump.

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