Wonkette

Ha ha, it’s time for the Stupid August Questions portion of the campaign. Because we all know UFOs are pretend and space aliens aren’t for realz and there’s no such thing as monsters and at least they’re not trying to kill our presidents, it’s a hoot to see Barack Obama make fun of this terrible threat to Earth. [Ben Smith/KGAN]

Air Force logs and government radar reports released under the Freedom of Information Act reveal that a massive, terrible mystery aircraft barreled through the skies of Central Texas on January 8 — and it was headed for George W. Bush’s Crawford ranch at 2,100 miles per hour! MORE »

WHICH RICH ELITIST WILL BEST FIGHT THE UFOS? The space monsters will kill us all, but which candidate will make us feel better about it? [Political Machine]

Every 10 years or so, there’s a “UFO flap” — special nerd code for “people everywhere think they’re seeing Alien Spaceships.” And guess what? We’re having one right now! From San Diego to, uh, some little town in Texas somewhere, Americans can hardly look up in the sky without seeing monstrous craft from beyond our world. But it’s not a real UFO Scare until the U.S. Federal Government Military cranks out an impossibly lame excuse for a mass sighting, two weeks later. MORE »

Dennis Kucinich was this close to winning both the nomination and the presidency when Rupert Murdoch’s evil new Wall Street Journal brazenly brought up that whole UFO incident, which everybody had completely forgotten because it was only a widely reported and heavily mocked part of a nationally televised Democrat debate a few months ago. MORE »

The pre-Halloween Democratic Debate was the usual boring candidate circle jerk until UFO nut Tim Russert brought up his love of Space Monsters and Shirley MacLaine to Congressman Dennis Kucinich. Like Ronald Reagan and Jimmy Carter, Kucinich has seen a UFO. MORE »

Look what you’re missing on the Tucker Carlson Show! Not much, to be sure, but we need to keep up with the Conservative Media Personalities to see what they know about Cheney’s new “moon base” which is being installed by Halliburton to goad the Space Monsters into a war so we can take all the natural resources from the gas giant Bespin. The ex-Canadian assistant space police guy under Pierre Trudeau is saying this, so it’s probably pretty much true. Also, Tucker supports bombing innocent E.T. babies with depleted plutonium, and he has patriotically assaulted many older gay aliens in the Mos Eisley cantina.

Bush Plans Defence Stance Against Aliens [YouTube]

The evil UFO that crashed in the mountains of Peru has sickened hundreds of people. Which candidate is most prepared to battle the space monsters? [Associated Press/Living In Peru]

Well, it’s Friday, and this is my last post of the day/month/year, and it is a YouTube clip of President Ronald Reagan saying, twice, in public, in front of television cameras, that he wants Space Monsters to invade Earth so we will have a common enemy and then be able to be friends with The French. And as crazy as it sounds, compared to “Let’s Blow Up All The Muslims” it is kind of charming. Happy Labor Days and Good-Bye.

Ronald Reagan and Aliens [YouTube]

After Jimmy Carter won the presidency, he paid a visit to then-CIA director George H.W. Bush’s office and supposedly asked to see the agency’s UFO files — Carter had seen something weird flying around the skies back in 1969, when he was standing outside a Lion’s Club in Georgia, and had made campaign promises to open up the government’s X-Files.

Find out how the Bush Family protects the Alien Invaders from space, too, after the jump.

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