Tag Archives: U.S. Senate

  College Has Never Been Fun

Senate Republicans Have Had It With These College Kids And Their Luxurious Student Loans

Don't even get us started on those young ruffians careening around in flivvers while wearing raccoon coats!
A couple of Republican senators have finally figured out how to reduce the cost of higher education: Yell at college students who keep blowing their student loan money on nice things that they do not deserve. Like weed and porn, probably. Read more on Senate Republicans Have Had It With These College Kids And Their Luxurious Student Loans…
  You Come At The HENGHHHH? You Best Not Miss

John McCain Has An Announcement To Make Too, Pick Him, Pick Him!

My friends, my friends, my friends...FIVE AND A HALF YEARS, ALAN
After that thrilling speech by Rand Paul (mostly we just heard the trombone-voice of the teacher from Charlie Brown cartoons), are you Wonkers ready for some real excitement? Then you should probably go see a matinee of Furious 7, because this article is about John McCain announcing that he’ll run for a sixth term in the Senate. Wait! Come back! Maybe there’ll be sideboob in here somewhere! Like, not even gross old man sideboob, either. Read more on John McCain Has An Announcement To Make Too, Pick Him, Pick Him!…
  That's Right You're Not From Texas

Ted Cruz Explains Why No One Likes Him

Does someone need a hug?
Walking bag of petulance Ted Cruz explained on CNN Sunday that he’s plenty likable, but the fools in Washington are simply too detached from Real America to recognize that simple fact. State of the Union host Dana Bash reminded the senator from Alberta that he’s “not the most popular person” in the Senate — even among Republicans: Read more on Ted Cruz Explains Why No One Likes Him…
  Her Name Is Rios And She Derps Upon The Sand

AFA Lady Sandy Rios: Why Waste Time On Dumb Fake ‘Sex Trafficking’ When We Should Be Stomping Out The Gay?

Not the best font match, I'll admit
Sandy Rios, the American Patriarchy Association’s “governmental affairs director,” is not happy at all with the Republicans in the Senate this week, but not so much because they’re holding up the confirmation of Loretta Lynch for the sake of putting some anti-abortion language into a bill to help victims of sex trafficking. Rios actually couldn’t give a rip about Lynch — who is evil, because appointed by Obama — but she’s pretty cheesed that the Senate is wasting precious legislative time on a bill addressing sex trafficking, which Rios is fairly sure is hardly even a thing at all, especially when compared to the existential crisis our once-proud nation faces from The Gays. Read more on AFA Lady Sandy Rios: Why Waste Time On Dumb Fake ‘Sex Trafficking’ When We Should Be Stomping Out The Gay?…
  From The Latest Newsreels

Tom Cotton Dedicates First Senate Speech To Hitler

Any resemblances to an actual 9-year-old boy purely coincidental
Brand new Arkansas Senator Tom Cotton has been a busy boy! After the rousing success of his dumb letter advising Iran that it shouldn’t bother negotiating a nuclear deal because President Ted Cruz is going to bomb them anyway, Sen. Cotton finally got to give his First Official Speech to the Senate Monday night. And in what appears to be a Republican tradition, he warned that it is the mid-1930s and America is woefully unprepared to fight Hitler. It was an especially impressive performance, since he actually managed to get the Hitler analogy into the speech within the first minute, which is believed to be a new record for a freshman senator (John McCain still holds the overall record, having shouted “It’s just like Chamberlain at Munich!” when awakened from a nap in 2013). Read more on Tom Cotton Dedicates First Senate Speech To Hitler…
  One Toke Over The Party Line

Suddenly Everyone* Wants To Legalize Weed (*Not Everyone)

The latest Stoned Pony
To bring to life the old cliché that libertarians are just Republicans who want to get high, a couple of conservatives have unexpectedly supported various changes to marijuana laws this week. What’s more, there’s even a bill in the U.S. Senate to end the federal ban on medical weed and reclassify marijuana’s legal status from a Schedule 1 to a Schedule 2 drug, thus “allowing doctors to recommend its use in some cases to veterans, expanding access to researchers and making it easier for banks to provide services to the industry.” Read more on Suddenly Everyone* Wants To Legalize Weed (*Not Everyone)…
  Tell Me Your Dreams

Even GOP Senators Are Sick Of House Wingnuts’ Bullsh*t

Wrong Kirk? Whatever.
Illinois Senator Mark Kirk has a wee bit of advice to his party, especially those fellows over in the House. After the Senate passed a clean bill to fund the Department of Homeland Security for the rest of the year, Kirk told reporters, “Hopefully we’re gonna end the attaching of bullshit to essential items of the government.” Read more on Even GOP Senators Are Sick Of House Wingnuts’ Bullsh*t…
  Kiss Kiss Boehng Boehng

John Boehner: Kiss Your Homeland Security Goodbye, America

He really loves us
It’s Friday, and you know what that means: knocking off early, going to happy hour, and the federal government partially shutting down a major cabinet department because Republicans are mad at Obama and really want to teach him a lesson by shooting themselves in the foot. If Congress doesn’t pass some kind of funding bill by midnight, the Department of Homeland Security goes into shutdown mode, meaning that nonessential workers in any number of agencies are furloughed, except that DHS has so many essential agencies that a lot of people in the TSA, Border Patrol, and even the Coast Guard will still be working, just without pay. So at least the TSA people at the airport will have a reason to be extra surly, whee. Read more on John Boehner: Kiss Your Homeland Security Goodbye, America…
  No Requests For 'Coal Miner's Daughter'So Far

Loretta Lynch Won’t Impeach Obama, Obviously Not Suitable Attorney General

Still claims not to be Eric Holder, reportedly has not yet died of old age
Wednesday was the first day of Loretta Lynch’s confirmation hearings before the Senate Judiciary Committee, and so far, it looks like Republicans may consider her too “nominated by Barack Obama” to be confirmed as attorney general. In a fairly basic bit of identity clarification, Ms. Lynch claimed, in response to a question from Texas Sen. John Cornyn, that she is in fact a wholly different human being than the current attorney general: Read more on Loretta Lynch Won’t Impeach Obama, Obviously Not Suitable Attorney General…
  They're Doing Science And We're Still Alive

Ted Cruz, Marco Rubio Now In Charge Of Murdering Science In The Senate

We'd watch this, actually
It’s a great day to not believe in science, America! Sen. John Thune, chair of the Senate Commerce, Science and Transportation Committee, has picked the perfect heads for two science subcommittees: Ted Cruz, who doesn’t like NASA doing science related to global warming, will head the Subcommittee on Space, Science and Competitiveness. And Marco Rubio, another climate denier and one of the first adopters of the “I’m not a scientist” meme, will chair the Subcommittee on Oceans, Atmosphere, Fisheries and Coast Guard, which of course has oversight of NOAA, the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration. Gentlemen, start your fox and henhouse clichés! Read more on Ted Cruz, Marco Rubio Now In Charge Of Murdering Science In The Senate…
  Two Live Crude

Shell To Pay Nigeria $83.5 Million For Oil Spills, Instead Of Original $6000 Offer (Not A Typo)

You now have the Narwhal Song going through your head. You are welcome.
This post supported by a grant from the Patty Dumpling Endowed Chair for coverage of Oil Spills, Oil Drilling, Oil Corruption, and Pathetic Compensation Offers From Oil Companies. Here’s a sort-of Nice Time story. Royal Dutch Shell, the international giant that makes life better all over the world by keeping us safe from marauding polar bears and painful sunburns that might result from going to clean beaches, has agreed to pay out £55 million (about $83.5 million) to a Nigerian fishing community that it pretty much made uninhabitable with two huge oil spills in 2008: Read more on Shell To Pay Nigeria $83.5 Million For Oil Spills, Instead Of Original $6000 Offer (Not A Typo)…
  Your Morning Maddow

Morning Maddow: Rachel Watches The Joe Biden Senate Show, Because We Forgot To

There were too many 'manic Rachel' images to choose from today
Congress is back in session, and Rachel Maddow couldn’t be more delighted with the first-day weirdness. There’s Joe Biden being the most Joe Biden he ever gets, greeting the new Senate and swearing everybody in. While there was no Ted Cruz’s Jerk Baby this term, Joe did say some completely incomprehensible stuff, and also accidentally spat out the remnants of a mint while talking. Everyone was just adorable. Read more on Morning Maddow: Rachel Watches The Joe Biden Senate Show, Because We Forgot To…
  So Very Crude

Barack Obama To Murder Your Keystone XL Oil Pipeline With His Bare Hands

We're betting Barry could win a stare-off with Mitch, unless he starts giggling
This post sponsored by a grant from the Patty Dumpling Endowed Chair for Oil Spills, Fracking, Clean Coal, Dirty Lies, and Laying Pipe In keeping with his pledge to focus on “things that both sides can agree on,” brand new Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell is promising that the very first bill to go before the Senate this week will mandate the building of the Keystone XL pipeline, that vitally important project that will employ everyone between Canada and Louisiana and ensure energy independence — and possibly even free gasoline — for the United States. Or maybe it’s a hugely disruptive project that will employ a few thousand people while it’s being built and will move Canadian oil across America so it can be refined in Gulf Coast refineries and then mostly exported. It’s definitely one of those, and the Republicans want it a lot, so now that they have a majority in both chambers of Congress, by god, they’re going to pass it. Read more on Barack Obama To Murder Your Keystone XL Oil Pipeline With His Bare Hands…
  Your Morning Maddow

Morning Maddow: Time For Obama’s Presidential Menopause (Video)

Rachel Maddow kicked off her Tuesday show with some thoughts about what she calls “Presidential Menopause”: the last two years of every presidency since Reagan’s, in which presidents have to deal with an opposite-party Congress. Barack Obama is about to embark on a two-year stretch where he’ll be free of the “burden of legislating any more.” No matter what he might say, Obama knows that no major laws are going to get passed in the next two years, except of course for all the repeals of the Affordable Care Act that he’ll be vetoing on a weekly basis. But even as Obama enters this period of his presidency that “will be, shall we say, less fertile, in terms of expectations for legislation,” it’s worth noting that for all the GOP opposition, a heck of a lot of Obama’s judicial nominees have actually been confirmed, thanks in large part to last year’s rules change that allowed confirmation of non-Supreme Court nominees with a simple majority. Yay, nuclear option. Read more on Morning Maddow: Time For Obama’s Presidential Menopause (Video)…
  Every Ted Pat And Harry

Pat Robertson Wishes Ted Cruz Would Settle Down And Be Sensible Like Pat Robertson

Pat Robertson doesn't like these sneaky 'confirming appointees' shenanigans
So here’s more fallout from the maneuvering on the Big Budget Bill this weekend: After Ted Cruz’s diddling with Senate rules opened the door for some of Barack Obama’s appointees to be confirmed, televangelist Pat Robertson decided that he doesn’t like this Ted Cruz fellow’s radicalism, not one little bit. Yes, kids, Ted Cruz is a bit way out for the guy who claims he can steer hurricanes. Read more on Pat Robertson Wishes Ted Cruz Would Settle Down And Be Sensible Like Pat Robertson…
  Your Morning Maddow

Morning Maddow: Tom Coburn Says Saving Veterans From Suicide Costs Too Much (Video)

Here's what it takes to get Rachel Maddow to cry
It’s certainly not news that suicide among veterans is a big problem. It’s also not news that expanded services for veterans is usually a popular idea. Consider the outrage earlier this year at delays in treatment at Veterans Administration hospitals, which resulted in the resignation of Eric Shinseki. And so it was pretty encouraging last week that, even in this do-nothing Congress, the House managed to pass the Clay Hunt Veterans Suicide Prevention Act, named after a Marine veteran who committed suicide in 2011 after being diagnosed with PTSD. There’s also broad bipartisan support for the bill in the Senate. Only one small problem: retiring Sen. Tom Coburn, who has placed a hold on the bill because its $22 million cost over five years is just too unspeakably high, and because, he says, the bill duplicates other services the VA could provide without new legislation. Read more on Morning Maddow: Tom Coburn Says Saving Veterans From Suicide Costs Too Much (Video)…
  Your Morning Maddow

Morning Maddow: Did The CIA Really Need To Do All That Torture To Protect America? (Video)

Might be making an excellent point about something, might be a Motown back-up singer
In his press conference on the Senate Intelligence Committee’s report on torture, CIA Director John Brennan acknowledged that interrogators did some things that were “abhorrent and rightly should be repudiated by all,” but also explained that it was a crazy time and everybody was just doing the best they could to Protect America. Read more on Morning Maddow: Did The CIA Really Need To Do All That Torture To Protect America? (Video)…
  Everybody Off The Cromnibus

Elizabeth Warren Hell-Raising On Senate Floor: ‘Who Do You Work For?’ (Citigroup, Duh)

Please pay your corporate fines in full. You have 20 seconds to comply.
Elizabeth Warren did a bit of outreach to Republicans today, urging them to remove from the omnibus budget bill that rollback of part of the Dodd-Frank financial reform law that we covered earlier today. If you really oppose government bailouts, she said, then why on earth would you vote for this measure that would allow FDIC insurance to bail out banks that lose money on derivatives trades — those risky little gambles that crashed the world economy back in 2008? She notes that, on this one at least, she’s in agreement with such radical commies as David Vitter and even Redstate, where a front page post today admitted, Read more on Elizabeth Warren Hell-Raising On Senate Floor: ‘Who Do You Work For?’ (Citigroup, Duh)…
  Your Morning Maddow

Morning Maddow: Elizabeth Warren Splainers The Budget Bill For Dummies (Video)

two of our favorite people
It’s not especially surprising that in any must-pass bill, some pretty iffy stuff gets shoved in, and in the Spirit of Bipartisanship (also last-minute panic), it even gets passed. The Great Big Keep The Lights On Omnibus Bill currently slouching through Congress has one provision that Wonkette Hero Elizabeth Warren insists will not stand: a provision — which she says was literally written by Citigroup lobbyists — to strip out a “no bailouts” rule in the Dodd-Frank financial reform law. If it passes, banks will once again have some of their most risky investment gambles insured by the FDIC. That is, a return to the same old principle of private gain and socialized risk that got us into such a mess in 2008. Warren is against it, Nancy Pelosi is against it, and it could threaten Democratic support for the budget measure. Watch this interview, take a look at Warren’s blog post on the provision, and do your part to keep America free by buying a Wonkette Elizabeth Warren coffee mug. Read more on Morning Maddow: Elizabeth Warren Splainers The Budget Bill For Dummies (Video)…
  Dupe Dupe Dupe Dupe Of Oil Oil Oil

Dems Reject Mary Landrieu Job Preservation Act, Beautiful Tar Sands Pipeline

Now how can we show our love for the tar sands?
This post made possible by the Patty Dumpling Endowed Chair for Clean Gas and Clean Coal and Clean Oil Spills and Clean Tar Sands and Word Salad. In a vote that either killed the economy forever or rescued the environment forever, the U.S. Senate last night fell one vote short of passing a bill calling for immediate approval of the Keystone XL Pipeline. The bill was supposed to magically make Louisiana Republicans like Sen. Mary Landrieu, although it’s not clear how. But Landrieu was not quite able to round up enough Democrats to support the bill, and now she is reduced to hoping that saying nice things about National Adoption Day will get her reelected. Read more on Dems Reject Mary Landrieu Job Preservation Act, Beautiful Tar Sands Pipeline…
  Your Morning Maddow

Morning Maddow: WTF, Senate Democrats, Part Deux (Video)

Best jazz hands in the business
Rachel Maddow brings us this lovely follow-up to her Tuesday-night WTF at Senate Democrats’ decision to just give up on confirming Loretta Lynch as attorney general. Get ready for more WTF: The Senate isn’t apparently going to confirm any of the 160 Obama nominees, but as a special favor to Louisiana’s Sen. Mary Landrieu, it will schedule a vote on the Keystone XL pipeline, which will of course not actually help Landrieu win her Dec. 6 run-off against Bill Cassidy, because why would oil-lovers go for Landrieu when they can have the guy who actually sponsored the thing in the House? Maybe Senate Democrats are thinking of the upside? Passing the Keystone XL may not really help Landreiu, Maddow, notes, but hey, it will Read more on Morning Maddow: WTF, Senate Democrats, Part Deux (Video)…
  Your Morning Maddow

Morning Maddow: Sorry, Barry, Lamest Lame Ducks Ever Giving Up On Confirming Loretta Lynch (Video)

Thanks a lot, Senate Dems -- you've made Rachel wear her 'I can't believe this shit' face.
Yr Wonkette would just like to remind you that it’s awfully early in the day to start drinking. For some reason, that snippet of advice occurs to us as we bring you Rachel Maddow’s lead story from Tuesday night: Looks like Democrats in the Senate won’t even bother to try confirming Loretta Lynch as attorney general during the 15 days of work left to them in the lame duck session of Congress (The Hill and Politico are reporting much the same). Read more on Morning Maddow: Sorry, Barry, Lamest Lame Ducks Ever Giving Up On Confirming Loretta Lynch (Video)…