Tag Archives: u.s. military

  Glad we solved that problem forever

2014: The Year All Rape Ended Forever Because It Never Existed Obviously

Nope, no rape news this year
In the early days of 2014, the world was a simpler, happier place. Bill Cosby was still a kindly, grandfatherly funnyman and not a horrible monster rapist, and we all enjoyed playfully teasing him about his sweaters and Jell-O Pudding Pops until the joke was entirely played out and stale and not funny anymore, seriously, enough. Read more on 2014: The Year All Rape Ended Forever Because It Never Existed Obviously…
  Ebola Virus Anagrams To 'A Lib Over Us'

Jim Inhofe Maybe OK With Fighting Ebola Now, Maybe

I'm old, I don't need to make sense
Wingnuts who think it’s just crazy for Barack Hussein Obama to send U.S. troops to Africa to fight Ebola — don’t be silly, you can’t shoot a virus! — have themselves a new hero in Oklahoma Sen. James Inhofe. Until this morning, he had blocked funding for the mission because he is an amoral asshole he has serious concerns about stretching the defense budget too thin at a time when we need to be ready to do war in Syria and stuff. Read more on Jim Inhofe Maybe OK With Fighting Ebola Now, Maybe…
  just like how jesus runs gravity

Bill O’Reilly Not Sure Who Runs U.S. Military, Maybe Moon Monsters?

Good god, this is what we get for having already posted something early-ish about the collective negative IQ of the radioactive mutant cow chips employed at Fox News and then figuring we were done hearing about them for the day. Ugh. So, Bill O’Reilly, who controls the U.S. military? (“Relevant” part starts at 1:20.) Is it possibly the United States government, as denoted by the initials “U.S.” right before the name of the military and Article Two of the Constitution? Nah, sayeth the loofah dragon, can’t be, more likely it’s the same guys who run the country “Pentagon.” Huh. Well, this at least explains why the government can cut billions of dollars from the social safety net without touching the defense budget, because apparently they aren’t even funding them! Read more on Bill O’Reilly Not Sure Who Runs U.S. Military, Maybe Moon Monsters?…
  ha ha and you thought we would all be able to afford things now

Happy End To The Eternal Iraq War That Is Not Really Ending

Oh, Barack Obama announced the war in Iraq is finally over, apparently? Sure! We needed some good news after reading that today was actually the End of the World also, again, also. But mysteriously, it doesn’t feel quite as good as the last 493 times an American president has declared the end of the Iraq War, perhaps because by now we all vaguely sense that it means some miraculously Even Worse trillion-dollar mass goatherder murder project is in the offing. “Mission Accomplished” in 2003? We got a troop surge in 2007. Obama’s nearly identical announcement in 2009 that all the troops were scheduled to start coming home from Iraq? Yeah, he’ll trade you another surge, in Afghanistan. So what will it be this time? We may not even have to wait very long to find out!? Read more on Happy End To The Eternal Iraq War That Is Not Really Ending…
  there is nothing like a dame

Christine O’Donnell Contradicts Position On Female Warriors

Sure, Christine O’Donnell thinks the females of Middle Earth are a vital part of military action. But what about for less important fighting forces, such as the U.S. military? “By integrating women into particularly military institutes, it cripples the readiness of our defense,” O’Donnell has said. Hmm. It seems women may only serve amongst the elves and other mystical creatures of Christine O’Donnell’s fantasies, not the U.S. military. Read more on Christine O’Donnell Contradicts Position On Female Warriors…