Tag Archives: tyranny

  Pretty Princess Or Petty Tyrant?

Obama Proclaims Self Princess-For-Life Of America

So arrogant!
In case you have any doubts that Barack Obama believes himself to be not merely an employee of the People of the United States, but rather an emperor or a czar or a pretty pony princess, look no further than this June 2014 photo of him succumbing to the temptation to wear a crown. Politico attempts to spin it as a cute end-of-year story in which the would-be monarch is merely goofing around with some girl scouts: Read more on Obama Proclaims Self Princess-For-Life Of America…
  House Of the Rising Dumb

Newest Version Of GOP Immigration Harsher But Still Doesn’t Deport Obama, Passage Iffy

Caillou never gets in trouble like this.
House Republicans have ironed out an immigration bill that just might be cruel enough to appease the Tea Party, which is all that matters, because it would give House members the ability to go home on vacation and say that they at least voted to solve the border mess. It doesn’t mean that anything will actually be solved if it does pass today, since in adding more Mean to make the bill palatable to wingnuts, the House has made the thing utterly toxic to the Senate. But the main thing is that the House will (maybe) be able to say it Did Something, so shut up, Obama. Read more on Newest Version Of GOP Immigration Harsher But Still Doesn’t Deport Obama, Passage Iffy…
  the freedom to run stoplights shall not be abridged

DC To Tyrannize All These ‘Sons Of Liberty’ Bikers, Make Them All Stop At Stoplights :(

Hold onto your helmets, Wonkers. (HAHA! We are just kidding! You do not wear motorcycle helmets, because FREEDOM!) The DC City Council, or maybe the parks service, or something, we do not care to read too properly at this here particular moment, not that they probably were that specific about it at any rate, anyway, “DC” has DENIED a permit to the “2 MILLION BIKERS TO DC TEAM” for their super-badass 9/11 protest against, we don’t know, age of consent laws maybe? Read more on DC To Tyrannize All These ‘Sons Of Liberty’ Bikers, Make Them All Stop At Stoplights :(…
  The Distinguished Gentlemen From Archer Daniels Midland

Hero GOP Reps Fight Back Against Tyranny Of Healthy School Lunches

Brave GOP legislators are fighting against the Kale Tyranny of Michelle Obama and her personal minions at the USDA, who are phasing in a fascist plan to require all school lunches to reduce their maximum calorie count and include servings of fruit and vegetables. Congressmen Steve King (R-Iowa/National Pork Producers Council) and Tim Huelskamp (R-Kansas/National Cattlemen’s Beef Assn) have re-introduced the “No Hungry Kids Act,” which would rescind the new USDA measures outlined in the “Healthy and Hunger-Free Kids Act.” And we must say, bravo! Nothing says “save the children” quite as well as removing “health” from the title of a bill about school nutrition. Read more on Hero GOP Reps Fight Back Against Tyranny Of Healthy School Lunches…
  'elp! 'elp! I'm bein' oppressed!

Joseph Farah Determines ‘We’ Had More Freedom in 1776 Than Today (For Certain Values Of ‘We’)

Joseph Farah, the editor of Serious News Outlet WorldNet Daily, has a Serious Question he wishes you to consider: “Are we better off now than we were in 1776?” And while the real answer involves glancing at the illustration above, remembering that women couldn’t vote until 1919, rolling our eyes, and saying “Duh, Joe,” we are pretty sure that we would not get paid for this blog post if we didn’t engage Farah’s dumb column in further detail. So sure, for the sake of argument, let’s grant that Farah might grudgingly extend to the ladies and the dusky-hued savages the same level of freedom that white men had in 1776, and further assume that he doesn’t literally want us to return to 18th-century levels of medicine and technology, either — which are pretty big concessions, considering that Farah doesn’t mention any of these trivial details of the material realities of life in colonial America, which he insists “wasn’t all that bad.” Let’s even assume that we could somehow shoehorn most of the good stuff about today’s material reality into the political and economic norms of 1776 — or really, 1791, since Farah immediately shifts the goalposts to a discussion of “constitutionally protected rights we secured through the War of Independence,” as if the Bill of Rights had magically appeared when Jesus handed the Constitution to George Washington. Which is to say, Farah is engaging in historical & cultural fantasy from the get-go, but sure, we’ll play along. Read more on Joseph Farah Determines ‘We’ Had More Freedom in 1776 Than Today (For Certain Values Of ‘We’)…
  live free or get beaten by your spouse

N.H. State Rep. Has Refreshingly Non-Judgmental Views On Wife Beating, ‘Cause Some People Are Into That, He Guesses

Hey, kids, looks like another candidate has tossed his asshat into the ring for our Legislative Shitmuffin of the Year contest! The newest contendah is New Hampshire state Rep. Mark Warden (R-Fuck This Guy), who was one of four members of an NH House committee to vote in favor of reducing the penalty for some cases of simple assault from a misdemeanor to a “violation-level offense.” Speaking in support of the reduced penalty, Warden explained it’s merely a matter of accommodating different lifestyle choices, you know, to be considerate of the wife-beaters. Read more on N.H. State Rep. Has Refreshingly Non-Judgmental Views On Wife Beating, ‘Cause Some People Are Into That, He Guesses…
  Organic Fertilizer For the Tree Of Liberty

Idaho Gun Fondlers Bravely Resist Tyrant Hussein Obama’s Imaginary Gun Confiscation Orders

This weekend, people who love liberty and semiautomatic weapons, which are the same thing, actually, gathered in cities across U.S. America for a “Day Of Resistance,” organized on 2/23 to commemorate the heroic freedom-loving service of .223 caliber rounds fired by AR-15 semiautomatic rifles. These innocent bullets have recently had their love of freedom unfairly maligned, simply because a few hundred of them were propelled at high velocity — without their consent, although it should be noted that they performed according to their design specifications — through the flesh and bones of twenty small children and six of their teachers in December. Organizers of the event considered the choice of date “clever.” Depending on location, the rallies were either a Huge Success or a Total Failure. Numbers are hard when a gun-related event doesn’t leave any corpses behind, so let’s say that overall turnout nationwide was somewhere between a few thousand and a million. Your Doktor Zoom attended the rally at the Idaho Statehouse in Boise, and can confirm that there were a few hundred people inside, the vast majority of them armed. No one was shot, not even the guy wearing a “Wonkette” sticker on his windbreaker, so that proves guns are not a problem and liberals are irrationally afraid of freedom. Read more on Idaho Gun Fondlers Bravely Resist Tyrant Hussein Obama’s Imaginary Gun Confiscation Orders…
  braintrusts

Free Republic Geniuses Would Like To Be Part Of England Again, To Escape Socialism

Oh look, some super-brilliant science nerd at the Free Republic has written an Open Letter to the Queen of Englande! It is full of incontrovertible facts, like how we must rejoin the British Empire, because Barack Obama is socialist. But wait! you are shouting at yourself, while scratching your belly, isn’t the United Kingdom sort of the place that invented “socialist”? Shut up, that’s why! Behold the wit and waggishness, after the jump! Read more on Free Republic Geniuses Would Like To Be Part Of England Again, To Escape Socialism…
  obviously

Bachmann: Birth Control Mandate Might Lead To Scary One-Child Rule

Have you missed Michele Bachmann and her tortured labyrinths of lugubrious logic since she dropped out of the presidential race, as we have? Do not worry, it’s not as if the babbling brook has gone dry; it is merely that no one is paying attention anymore. But they should! Because Michele Bachmann has a novel take on this whole birth control mandate controversy: this isn’t about the government peeing on the “religious freedom” of sweaty wingnuts so much as it is about the government trying to take control of a woman’s body away from her and tell her how many children she must have. Shall we strap in and see how Michele Bachmann arrived at her thesis? Read more on Bachmann: Birth Control Mandate Might Lead To Scary One-Child Rule…