Maybe if the wildfires and hurricanes said more nice things about Donald Trump...
Trump brings back Christmas, Bannon goes to war, Trump can't wait to 'You're Fired' SCOTUS Democrats. Your morning news brief.
Trump breaks healthcare, Ryan Zinke flies his own freaky corrupt flag, and Wilbur Ross will shove Trump Tax Cuts (For Rich People Only) down your throat. Your morning news brief.
Trump talks with Kissinger, REXXON's 'fucking moron' gets worse, and Mike Ditka is a fucking idiot. Your BIG morning news brief!
But how else will people know Marsha Blackburn singlehandedly saved all the Planned Parenthood baby parts from certain death?
Trump is ready to explode, California's burning to the sea, and ESPN shits the bed (again). Your morning news brief.
FEMA loses the plot. How's about Congressman Blackwater, Wyoming? And Mike Pence fakes it. Your morning news brief.
Trump personally fucking with ACA, John Kelly got hacked, and you'll never guess that Breitbart's all-Nazi and Buzzfeed has the goods! Your morning news brief!
Also, SNL is a 'psy-op.' The secret coded spy messages all run after 'Weekend Update,' when no one's watching.
Get ready for more of this sort of thing.
Puerto Rico gets worse, MOAR Trumpkin air traffic control, and Jared Kushner has an email problem! Your morning news brief.
Trump tax plan is here, Kushnerville strikes back, and Democrats LURV Puerto Rico. Your morning news brief.
Luckily, his sons didn't show up to add 'We love shooting you guys's animals!'
Robert Mueller wants ALL the things, Sean Spicer writes to Dear Diary, and your Facebook friend is PROBABLY a Russian bot! Your morning news brief.
Guy fired by Google would like to take a moment to prove Google ONE MILLION PERCENT RIGHT.