Tag Archives: twits

  oh for fuck's sake

The New Republic: Why Can’t All These Journokids Be More Like That Nice Luke Russert?

The New Republic just can’t understand why you all gotta hate on Luke Russert like that. Such a very nice young man! Luke-hating is a bit of a Washington bloodsport. A young congressional staffer, upon hearing that I was writing a story about Luke, gleefully began forwarding me a series of emails from her coworkers poking fun at Russert’s most bro-ish tweets. (“God speed Lilly Pulitzer. How many relationships started bc a guy noticed a Lilly dress? Guessing thousands!,” he tweeted upon the occasion of the preppy icon’s death.) A thirty-something Capitol Hill reporter cloaked his distaste in the guise of concern for wasted potential. “Luke is quickly mastering the art of purveying conventional wisdom, and it’s a shame.” Fellow reporters related the meanest anecdotes they could think of—“but not for attribution, OK?” Kindly attribute the following to Your Wonket: Read more on The New Republic: Why Can’t All These Journokids Be More Like That Nice Luke Russert?…
  worse than watergate

Newt Gingrich Rams His Love of Easter Candies Down America’s Memory Hole

Amoral pudgesack Newt Gingrich loves only two things: divorcing his old wives after he gives them cancer, and stuffing his albino-hamster face with Easter candies to “prove” he loves his current wife, for the time being. But now his holiday gluttony is as hidden away as the records of his many cruel divorces against his dying spouses, because Newt Gingrich deleted all his old Twitter posts. It’s really no surprise, because Newt Gingrich is exactly the kind of self-obsessed slob who would document his joy in slobbering all over Reese’s peanut-butter Easter Eggs on a day when real Christians are solemnly marking the death of Jesus — and he’s exactly the kind of lying fraud who would spend hours going through his old Twitter posts to delete all the ones that don’t look very “presidential candidate-ish,” because they are openly racist or speak of anal sex with sea pirates as a “punishment” or, apparently, because they reveal the Newt’s childish glee over some bunny-shaped sweets from the Walgreen’s. Read more on Newt Gingrich Rams His Love of Easter Candies Down America’s Memory Hole…
  hamilton vs. burr 2010

RedState Guy Says Tom Friedman Acts Like a Jackass On Amtrak

Our nation’s leading pundits can always be expected to act like the gentlemen-scholars they are, especially while riding public transportation. That’s why CNN fringe-right psychopath Erick “RedState” Erickson has just been twittering important eyewitness accounts of bestselling conventional-wisdom hack Thomas Friedman allegedly being a total asshole to some poor Amtrak employee, who apparently didn’t dispose of Friedman’s tampon quickly enough. Read more on RedState Guy Says Tom Friedman Acts Like a Jackass On Amtrak…
  what's the donna brazile angle?

Wolf Blitzer Gets Right To the Heart of Shirley Sherrod Scandal

Have you been waiting up all day and night for Washington firebrand Wolf Blitzer’s take on the whole Shirley Sherrod bogus wingnut video White House embarrassment outrage scandal thing, on Wolf Blitzer’s Twitter? Here, America. Now heal. [Wolf Blitzer’s Twitter] Read more on Wolf Blitzer Gets Right To the Heart of Shirley Sherrod Scandal…
  sarah palin twitter

Sarah Palin Begs Allah To Plug the Danged Hole

Noted oil-industry shill Sarah Palin is so darned upset about that oil spill down in Mexico’s Gulf of New Orleans, she’s ready to beg for mercy at the feet of the Biggest Government of All. Why won’t Sarah Palin use her real-‘murican can-do spirit to plug the danged hole instead of leaning on God, who at best is an indifferent deity and at worst (for her) actually died of shame the day Sarah Palin was born. [Twitter via Wonkette operative “Carol S.”] Read more on Sarah Palin Begs Allah To Plug the Danged Hole…
  great heroes of trivia war ii

Today’s Hard-Hitting Profile of a Washington Twitter User Features Chuck Todd

Following the New York Times magazine feature on DC cut-and-paster Mike Allen is no easy job, so Washington Post media typist Howard Kurtz had to do a whole story on Chuck Todd — even though Todd is not primarily known for forwarding some links to his BCC list. Who is Chuck Todd, anyway, if not Mike Allen? Nobody knows for sure, but the important two points — he is tired from whatever he does, he is tweeting — are quickly, savagely nailed by Kurtz in a quick, savage news lede that will soon be known as a classic of the dead form. Read more on Today’s Hard-Hitting Profile of a Washington Twitter User Features Chuck Todd…
  140 characters and the truth

CAN YOU USE TWITTER WITHOUT BEING AN IDIOT?: A sad French journalist in DC cannot believe how terrible it is, this Twitter illiteracy. But isn’t everything terrible? [True/Slant]
  #ForPresidentMyAss

Scott Brown Votes For Jobs Bill, Wingnuts Go Nuts On Twitter

In only his second Senate vote, Republican messiah Scott Brown helped the Democrats destroy a Republican filibuster on the new Jobs Bill, hahahahah, what? And guess who’s cold goin’ nuts on the Twitter? Read more on Scott Brown Votes For Jobs Bill, Wingnuts Go Nuts On Twitter…
  twitter finally did something

Cops & Twatters: DC Detective On Desk Duty For Twitter Snowball Freakout

The mean old plain-clothes cop who nearly massacred all DC Twitter-snowball people is in BIG TROUBLE for this shit, specifically for pulling a fucking LOADED GUN on some nerds throwing snowballs during a blizzard. “Assistant Police Chief Peter Newsham told reporters Monday that the detective has been placed on desk duty and his badge and weapon have been withdrawn.” The detective in question is a big dumb pussy who drives around in a Hummer. But Twitter users and ironic snowball “flash mobs” are still the lamest thing ever, so the plainclothes cop probably had “probable cause” to shoot maybe six of them, in the nuts. [Associated Press] Read more on Cops & Twatters: DC Detective On Desk Duty For Twitter Snowball Freakout…
  fundamentalists united

Rich Lowry and the Taliban Not Buying This Obama Peace Prize Bullshit

Direct from National Review illiterate Rich Lowry’s Urdu Twitter feed, here is the Al Jazeera video montage of a bunch of Raiders of the Lost Ark extras calling for the death of America, the land of the Black Pharaoh. [Al Jazeera YouTube] Read more on Rich Lowry and the Taliban Not Buying This Obama Peace Prize Bullshit…
  circus tards

Illiterate Birthers Wandering Around Capitol, Annoying Staffers

Hey everybody, some birthers are just wandering around various Senate and House office buildings, bothering the shit out of staffers and interns, and then twatting about it, on the Twitter. David Weigel, the Stephen Crane + Ernie Pyle × Martha Gellhorn of the Tea Party-Birthers Wars, has the whole collection of retardation, go look at it and laugh, for America. [Washington Independent] Read more on Illiterate Birthers Wandering Around Capitol, Annoying Staffers…
  don't look under the snuggie

Karl Rove’s Office Filled With Snuggie Creeps

When Nobama shuts down Twitter to finally free America from gross old white guys typing porn on their Blackberry machines, it will be messages like this one that we remember, from creepy weirdo Karl Rove, about how he works in an office full of masturbators draped in Snuggie-brand couch blankets, in the heat of July. [Twitter via The Hill] Read more on Karl Rove’s Office Filled With Snuggie Creeps…
  street fighting man

Twitter So Scared of Andrew Sullivan, Iran

We know a little bit about disputed elections and revolutions and riots and such, and they all have one thing in common, throughout human history: Twitter. This is why Andrew Sullivan demanded that the always-broken Twitter not undergo some crucial scheduled maintenance tonight. Read more on Twitter So Scared of Andrew Sullivan, Iran…
  america's dumbest fake fad

Sarah Palin Officially Twats

Oh look, snowbilly grifter and chronic liar Sarah Palin has done that predictable thing. Isn’t that cute, it’s just her second twat and she’s already whining about the Librul Mediaz. STOP IT. Also check out the Cheryl Tiegs/Sears-style neon Paint Shop Pro signature on her background image. Jesus, she is mentally a nine-year-old, isn’t she? [Sarah Palin Twitter] Read more on Sarah Palin Officially Twats…