Tag: twitchy

What Is Hillary Clinton Dying From Today?

She is dying of all the things, and all the things are dying of her, UNFORTUNATELY.
How is this helping the war effort? IT ISN'T!

Barack Obama Records 15 Minutes Of Science Teevee. WHY ISN’T HE KILLING ISIS???

a href="http://wonkette.com/580555/girl-scouts-show-obama-science-projects-he-did-not-build"One of the nice things the White House does every year is its Science Fair, which is usually good for some nifty videos of Barack Obama playing with a marshmallow cannon or meeting adorable Super Girl Scouts who...

Twitchy Idiots SO MAD Obama Keeps Not Losing Jobs Over And Over And Over And Over And

The Obama administration announced recently that for the all the months in a row, more jobs have been created in America than destroyed. This is good news, wouldn't you say? Then you are not the rage-virus monkeys at Twitchy,...
Yes America is that dumb

Yr Wonket Beated Up A Idiot Today And It Was Great, Also Too

You mad, bro? You must be mad because you are like GAHHHHH and ARGHHHHHH and angry comments (which we do not allow) and angry tweets (which we mute) and angry MyFacePlace words (which we ignore) and OMG we even made the spitting rage...

Even Your Favorite Chips Come In Homo Gaysexual Lesbian Rainbow Flavor Now

BREAKING NEWS FLASH SIREN ALERT TRIGGER WARNING DEFCON 69! Look what is being crammed down your throat now! It is what used to be your favorite snacky treat, from the makers of all those Cool Habanero Nacho Fiery Ranch Doritos...
She probably doesn't like crosseyed pegasi in the pool either.

Wingnuts Outraged Teen In Bikini Forced Hero Cop To Smack Her Around Some

The National Conversation On The Pool Party Gone Awry in McKinney, Texas, took a familiar turn after the first full day of media exposure. Yr Wonkette was astonished to see that on Sunday, even the nine full-time staffers of...
GRRRR HOMOS GRRRR

Bryan Fischer Will Root All Queers Out Of Wingnut ‘News’ Websites

Bryan Fischer's butthole is in an extra-twitchy state (not the Michelle Malkin kind of twitchy; or wait, come to think of it, yes the Malkin kind), as he is feeling BETRAYED! You see, one of the wingnut websites he likes, Townhall.com,...
Our thoughts exactly

Michelle Malkin Outraged: Twitter Jailing Conservatives Like They Are Japanese-Americans

BREAKING EXCLUSIVE MUST CREDIT TWITCHY! The liberal-biased interwebs are putting conservatives in Twitter jail, maybe (or maybe not) but probably (but probably not), just for being conservatives, OH NOES! Michelle Malkin, conservative keyboard-banging hero and founder of the the site...
Looks terrible. Such a sad day for them.

Tyrant Obama Makes War On Army Heroes’ Christmas Wedding

Talk about a double bogie! Over the weekend, two Army captains who were scheduled to get married at the 16th tee of the Kaneohe Klipper Golf Course in Hawaii had to move the wedding at the last minute because President...

Obama Will Indoctrinate Your Kids With Non-Biblical Computer Programming

What terrible things is President Obama doing to the children -- what are our future -- this week? Encouraging them to learn how to do science-y things with computers, which we can all agree is terrible because if God...
Damn dirty longhairs

Musicians Dishonor Troops, Make The Baby Jesus Bald Eagle Cry

Did everyone catch the terrible Concert for Valor to honor our military veterans last night? We say it was terrible because some of the musicians took it upon themselves to dishonor the troops, the flag, the bald eagle, Mom,...
That game kind of got into my head a few years back

Wingnuts Peeing Themselves In Hilarity Over Climate Change March, ‘Science’

New York City hosted a big Climate Change protest on Sunday, and that's cool and all, because raising awareness and solidarity and all that. There were hippies and signs and moms with kids in strollers and probably big protest...

Rob Ford Bobbleheads, Jon Stewart Hates Himself And Other News You Can Maybe Use

Your three-day weekend is over. Back to work, everyone. Also, don't forget to not wear white. (Because it's after Labor Day, see? Get it? GET IT?) You know you want one: President Obama said "immigration rights." Time’s Zeke Miller noted that during...
Great question, if you're A Idiot

Today Is Michael Brown’s Funeral So Of Course Wingnuts Are Pissed About That

Today is the funeral of Michael Brown, the unarmed teenager shot to death by Officer Darren Wilson. For people made of actual human being parts, this is a sad and solemn affair. However, in wingnut world, where Officer Wilson...
You've all seen the other pic

Very Sane Reactions To The Murder Of James Foley By The Coward Barack Obama

American photojournalist James Foley was beheaded Tuesday by the group calling itself The Islamic State (or "ISIS, ISIL — whatever you want to call these guys,” in Lindsey Graham's memorable phrase). The FBI has announced that it believes that...

Wonkette Finally Surrenders, Becomes Twitchy

Screw this day with a rusty fork. We are out of words, so we're just going to steal yours. This: And this: And this too: Elegant and to the point: Exactly: Yup: "Satire": Oh, did someone say satire? Evergreen tweet: Aaaaaaand scene: That little "Follow" button in the top corner...