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Tag: twats

Looks Like Gawker’s Got Some Job Openings, Y’all

Last week, the media-hijinks website Gawker made a wee oopsy. It posted a story about some guy -- literally, just some guy -- attempting to step out on his wife with a gay porn star who then tried to...

Gay Fired Romney Foreign Policy Spokesperson Pretty Sure Your Wonkette Responsible For All This Mess

Hey so remember yesterday when Mitt Romney fucked the dog with his response to this mishigas in Libya? Well your Wonket had a thought: what if His Lord High Hairgel had in fact not fired that one dude, Richard...

Party of David Vitter & Larry Craig & Newt Gingrich Tells Anthony Weiner To Resign

Well, we didn't see this coming at all: The chairman of the Republican National Committee on Tuesday called for Rep. Anthony Weiner to resign from Congress, saying no investigation was necessary "to know he lied and acted inappropriately." Following Weiner's dramatic...

Newt Gingrich Rams His Love of Easter Candies Down America’s Memory Hole

Amoral pudgesack Newt Gingrich loves only two things: divorcing his old wives after he gives them cancer, and stuffing his albino-hamster face with Easter candies to "prove" he loves his current wife, for the time being. But now his...

Twitter Won’t ‘Verify’ Scott Walker Because He’s Just a Random Jerk

Famous people like Howard Stern and Rahm Emanuel have "verified" Twitter accounts, meaning they get a little green checkmark next to their name on the Twitter. This serves some purpose, we suppose, for those Twitter users who require assurance...

Meghan McCain Suffers ‘Unforeseen Professional Responsibilities’

What's our favorite poor little rich girl/Nobel Prize For Literature winner Meghan McCain up to these days? Mostly just making an Olive Garden franchise go broke on those "bottomless bread stix" baskets and otherwise promoting her Booker Prize-winning novel...

RedState Guy Says Tom Friedman Acts Like a Jackass On Amtrak

Our nation's leading pundits can always be expected to act like the gentlemen-scholars they are, especially while riding public transportation. That's why CNN fringe-right psychopath Erick "RedState" Erickson has just been twittering important eyewitness accounts of bestselling conventional-wisdom hack...

Mike Mullen Leaks Classified Attitude Problem

"We're going to continue to mindlessly funnel money to Pakistan so they can train people to kill us, irregardless of whatever that HippieLeaks fruit posted on the Internets."

Wolf Blitzer Gets Right To the Heart of Shirley Sherrod Scandal

Have you been waiting up all day and night for Washington firebrand Wolf Blitzer's take on the whole Shirley Sherrod bogus wingnut video White House embarrassment outrage scandal thing, on Wolf Blitzer's Twitter? Here, America. Now heal.

Fred Thompson Has a 10,000-Year-Old Joke For You!

Haw haw, Dipshit Magoo Fred Thompson should be the next comedian-senator and then Al Franken could retire and focus on his art, you know, maybe doodle a portrait of HOW MUCH EVERYONE HATES FRED THOMPSON.

Wonkette’s Tragic Use of Twitter

The other day we hit 911 posts on Twitter, which is a magickal number used to call the police when your neighbors are on the crack again at 4 o'clock in the morning and also the infamous/dreadful day when...

Gross New Way To Enjoy Teabagger Twitters

Do you love to laugh at Tea Party Tweets but hate actually looking at Twitter or knowing about Teabaggers and their Tweeting Habits? WORRY NO MORE, here is a gross website that poops out an endless supply of Tea...

John McCain’s Twitter Talks Awkwardly To Cancer-Bed Troll

Gross old liebot John McCain, whose entire head is made of skin cancer and bullshit, is having a very important policy discussion with "Snooki," a bright orange dwarf who appeared on a chilling documentary about emotionally challenged adolescents left...

Today’s Hard-Hitting Profile of a Washington Twitter User Features Chuck Todd

Following the New York Times magazine feature on DC cut-and-paster Mike Allen is no easy job, so Washington Post media typist Howard Kurtz had to do a whole story on Chuck Todd -- even though Todd is not primarily...

CAN YOU USE TWITTER WITHOUT BEING AN IDIOT?: A sad French journalist in DC cannot believe how terrible it is, this Twitter illiteracy. But isn't everything terrible?

Angry Old John McCain Can’t Figure Out How This Camera-Phone Works

Lurching worm-beast John McCain found a new thing to yell at today! He's just stuck down at the end of the hall, barking at his cell phone and demanding that staffers "fix the goddamn door that used to be...