Wonkette

Comical old person John “WALNUTS!” McCain appeared on a popular late-night television show on Friday. He was so funny! His jokes are unstoppable. He pretended to fall asleep in Conan’s lap! So funny! Oh and jeez what’s in his mouth now??? Ahhhhhhggg! [Boston Globe/Top of the Ticket]

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BRIAN WILLIAMS IS HILARIOUS:: Never mind the newscast; check out his blogging! The Sunday New York Times is full of bizarre lifestyle crap, Peggy Noonan is “doing the work of her career,” mom’s cocktails in New Jersey were the best, and he skipped the White House Correspondents’ Dinner to watch NASCAR in his kitchen. [Brian Williams' Daily Nightly]

The biggest news story in the world is, of course, about some little ‘tween girl from Disney TeeVee who was forced to pose for naked photographs by an old lesbian photographer for Vanity Fair. This is very shameful, how Conde Nast let its magazine be used for half-nekkid pictures of an entertainer who is a girl child. The little girl only made $100 million dollars for having to be the star of Hannah Montana, which is the story of “Achey Breaky Heart” sensation Billy Ray Cyrus and his secret daughter who wants to be on teevee. The question is, which presidential candidate was more of a lech to the innocent little child, Obama or McCain? MORE »

Now that the comical idiot girl with the porn star breastises has been appointed John McCain’s vice president and third wife, another “actor” from The Hills has to endorse Barack Obama, for balance. Otherwise The Hills‘ sterling reputation as an unbiased news source will wind up in the trash, along with Heidi Montag’s first nose. So who is this dumb, lightly be-stubbled youngster Brody Jenner, and why does he like the Democrat Barack Obama? MORE »

Even though it was the 800th debate in the last 24 hours, and it overlapped with the premiere of Lost, the Hollywood Liberals Debate last night “drew 8,324,000 million total viewers, making it the most-watched primary debate in cable news history, and the second-most watched on TV this election cycle (ABC’s Democratic debate on Jan. 5 drew 9,360,000).” John Edwards was not one of these 8.3 million people tuning in, as it was his first night shift back at his old employer, The Mill. [TV Newser]

Barack Obama is facing yet another major important tell-all death knell of a scandal, this time involving teh teeveez. According to his Facebook page, his favorite TV show is Sportscenter. Masculine, humorous, informative — Sportscenter is, indeed, a quality program. In the Dec. 3 issue of TV Guide, however, he says his favorite shows are M*A*S*H* and The Wire. This sort of indecision can only mean one thing: He’s a closet Sex and the City fan. [MoJo Blog]

Rudy Giuliani has yet to run even one television ad. Strange, right? Well, the wait is over. Today, the Giuliani campaign unleashed his lisping, New Yawk accent on the American People. And guess what? Not one reference to 9/11! But he did sort of hint at it. Actually… those two white columns in the background over his right shoulder do sorta look like the WTC towers. Hmmm. Hey! Don’t play your subliminal games with me, Rudy. Oh, it’s on! And BTW? Soft lighting can’t conceal your creepy smile. You smiling is unnatural. So, please, don’t do it. Ever. Thanks.

The New York Times reported today that MSNBC is in talks to give a primetime show to Rosie O’Donnell, whose previous credits include a 9-month stint on ABC’s The View, where she kept having vagina fits with co-host Elizabeth Hasselbeck, an ardent and enthusiastic warmonger. Also, Tucker Carlson might get dumped for shitty ratings. MORE »

These are the Top Ten “most memorable TV moments of the past 50 years,” according to a new British poll: 1. 9/11. 2. Princess Di’s funeral. 3. First lunar landing. 4. Berlin Wall knocked down. 5. Bob Geldof cursing at Live Aid. 6. “The Two Ronnies’ famous ‘Four Candles’ comedy sketch.” 7. “The dance performed by Ricky Gervais in his role as manager David Brent in The Office.” 8. Monty Python’s “Dead Parrot” sketch. 9. England winning the World Cup. 10. JFK’s assassination. [Reuters]