Tag Archives: tv

  Let's Go Kill Some Scientists

Wingnut Columnist: Neil DeGrasse Tyson Is A Bad Scientist, Could Someone Please Kill Him?

Works for media literacy too.
WordNetDaily columnist Erik “The Other Rush” Rush — he really calls himself that — would like to share with you some Thoughts About Science, which mostly boil down to: science is nice when it gives us flatscreen TVs and atomic bombs, but we’d better not trust the “scientific community” because it’s full of atheists and socialists who are trying to set themselves up as some kinds of authorities on stuff that they have no business talking about, like the age of the Earth, how life came to be on Earth and whether it’s getting hotter, none of which they really know a damn thing about. And by the end of his meditations on science, he actually appears to say it would be OK to kill a few scientists, if that’s what’s necessary to preserve Liberty. Read more on Wingnut Columnist: Neil DeGrasse Tyson Is A Bad Scientist, Could Someone Please Kill Him?…
  Here have some news n stuff

Donald Trump Will Sue The Sh*t Out Of You, All Of You, Everywhere, Shut Up Is Why

The baby probably thought he was screaming anyway.
Donald Trump wants ALL the millions of U.S. American dollars because there are airplanes making airplanes noises in the privately owned sky over HIS mansion. True story! CNNMoney reports that Trump has filed a lawsuit against Palm Beach County, as well as Super Meanie Bruce Pelly, the local airport’s director, because Trump and his lawyers think the whole world is against him and he wants $100 million NOW: Read more on Donald Trump Will Sue The Sh*t Out Of You, All Of You, Everywhere, Shut Up Is Why…
  the commentczar's in town

You Are The Opitomy Of A Dumb Ass: 2014’s Greatest (Stupidest) Deleted Comments

He seems festive
In reviewing the year’s achievements in deleted comments, we have to say we were somewhat astonished by just how many of the damned things there were. We went back and read a year’s worth of Dear ShitFerBrains columns at a single go, and we survived! We quickly gave up on the idea of crowning a single Best Worst Deleted Comment, because really, they are all insufferable in their own special way. But oh, there were some highlights. Read more on You Are The Opitomy Of A Dumb Ass: 2014’s Greatest (Stupidest) Deleted Comments…
  Here have some news n stuff

President Obama Is Totally Into Science, IMPEACH!

Nerrrrrddddddd
Official White House Photo by Pete Souza Like it isn’t bad enough that President Obama believes in things like birth control, evolution, and climate change — now we find out the guy actually really likes science. Like a total geek: Read more on President Obama Is Totally Into Science, IMPEACH!…
  make me want to holler

‘Black Jesus’ About As Popular With Pharisees As The Original

Wingnuts raised hell in 1968 about this Black Jesus, too.
Hey, did you kidz watch that new show Thursday night, “Black Jesus,” on the Adult Swim Cartoons For Stoned Grownups Teevee Channel? We did not, because we are traveling and without TiVo, and we haven’t watched television in real time for at least five years now, let alone stayed up after 11 on a school night. We are old. Read more on ‘Black Jesus’ About As Popular With Pharisees As The Original…
  yes we cannabis

New Jersey Airs Network TV Commercial For Jazz-Cigarette Medicine, World Maybe Does Not End?

Good job on this ad, Medical Cannabis Network! It is actually funny! Reader, watch it! If you can’t, here is the SPOILER: We join a swarthy fellow with an Orson Welles mustache who is trying to sell us some black market sushi, and being real shady about it, like “Yo. You want sushi? I got sushi.” Then a woman says “You wouldn’t buy your sushi from this guy,” and you are like “Finally! A safe and confidential means of obtaining sushi!” But you have been fooled because there is a TWIST: The sushi is a metaphor for your filthy cannabis weeds! Read more on New Jersey Airs Network TV Commercial For Jazz-Cigarette Medicine, World Maybe Does Not End?…
  he would not could not with a goat

Jesse Jackson Shows Ted Cruz How ‘Green Eggs And Ham’ Should be Read

Last night, some weasel-faced Canadian read Green Eggs and Ham to the Senate. Here’s a clip of Jesse Jackson giving the book justice on SNL after Theodore Geisel died in 1991. (It’s not the full version, unfortunately; completists can find a not-great-quality version — which we could not embed, unfortunately — here.) Read more on Jesse Jackson Shows Ted Cruz How ‘Green Eggs And Ham’ Should be Read…
  censorship

Mom-Hating Major Networks To Show Repeats of Dumb Shows Rather Than Ann Romney’s Speech

The Mitt Romney for President 2012 campaign had a smashing idea for night one of next week’s convention: Get Ann Romney to speak! She’s a nice gal who “humanizes Mitt Romney,” don’t you know. Have you heard? Once the world meets Ann Romney, nothing but Endless Victory will follow. And yet problems have arisen: (1) Ann Romney’s opening act will be a hurricane that levels the city of Tampa and (2) CBS, ABC and NBC won’t even be showing the speech. Instead they’re airing repeats of what, one thing about a detective, another one about fairy tales. A Hawaii thing. (They are all about detectives.) Read more on Mom-Hating Major Networks To Show Repeats of Dumb Shows Rather Than Ann Romney’s Speech…
  they heard said and read and then said

Fox News Non-Apologizes For Reporting Individual Mandate Unconstitutional

Fox News tried, it really tried, to make lies true, and to expect something so thoroughly, in the deepest crevasses of its soul, that when hearing the opposite it, it just heard its wish, its dream, namely for the Obamacare individual mandate to be ruled unconstitutional. But it was, oddly, upheld! So now The Worst (CNN and Fox News) feel they have to explain themselves. Not that it wasn’t confusing all around. But Fox’s non-explanation is that it HEARD AND ALSO READ that the mandate was unconstitutional. And anyway, they didn’t suck at accuracy nearly as much as “one other cable network.” Read more on Fox News Non-Apologizes For Reporting Individual Mandate Unconstitutional…
  turncoat news

Jeb Bush, Liberated By His Own Irrelevance, Says GOP Is ‘Short-Sighted’

Remember a very long time ago, during a Republican presidential debate last August (oh my god, TIME), when one of those moderator fellows asked the candidates whether they would reject a debt deal that required 10 dollars in spending cuts for every dollar in tax increases, and how everyone raised their hand to say that they would reject such a deal, even though Jon Huntsman later admitted that he didn’t mean to raise his hand, because he is not actually crazy? Well, Jeb Bush would now like to say that, because no one cares, he is free to admit that he would accept such a deal, and that also, the Republican party in general is “short-sighted” on immigration and tax policy issues, but he is only saying this because he is not running for office, and because Charlie Rose made him feel that he was in a safe space. Read more on Jeb Bush, Liberated By His Own Irrelevance, Says GOP Is ‘Short-Sighted’…
  oopsies

Neo-Nazi Greek Politician Beats On Lady Politician On Live TV (VIDEO)

Well, this is great. During a live television debate on Thursday between a bunch of Greek politicians (its broke citizens go to the broken polls on June 17), Ilias Kasidiaris, a spokesperson for and member of the terrifyingly named neo-Nazi party Golden Dawn, tossed a glass of water at a lady rival, Rena Dourou of the left-leaning Syriza party, THEN slapped another lady politician, Liana Kanelli of KKE, the communist party, twice. This after an exchange of insults including “you old commie!” (he to she) and “fascist!” (she to he). The bestest part of this is that it is ONLINE! The second best part is that the reason Kasidiaris attacked the women is because they were asking him about a 2007 mugging that he has been implicated in. The trial about that mugging is ongoing, but it’s safe to say, um, innocent until proven to be a violent freak on national television. Read more on Neo-Nazi Greek Politician Beats On Lady Politician On Live TV (VIDEO)…
  nsfw! nsfw! nsfw!

Michelle Obama Ends War On Women Ceasefire With Disgraceful Prom Photo

Everything was going great with the women and the men, who stopped fighting against women/each other this weekend just long enough to watch ‘Shark Tank’ and eat a few hot dogs, but now Michelle Obama has something to say. It is a picture, which as you know can say a lot, especially if the picture is of a lot. It is this, a picture from her high school prom. And in it she looks like a movie star on a trip to India or something. The wicker chair. The prop stylist on this Whitney Young High Prom ’81 photo shoot had a gift. The First Lady shared this photo on, WHERE ELSE, blasphemous variety program ‘The Ellen DeGeneres Show,’ on which a homosexual woman is said by critics to “only encourage” people to be themselves, high dress slits and all. Read more on Michelle Obama Ends War On Women Ceasefire With Disgraceful Prom Photo…
  no not the animals noooooo

RNC Chairman Slanders Caterpillars, Says War On Women ‘Is A Fiction’

The war on women — is it real? Do elected people (some of them women) really want women to be declared as pregnant when all they really have is CRAMPS? Or is it all for the woman’s “SAFETY,” i.e. make sure they aren’t abused coming out of an abortion clinic by maybe not letting them go to one in the first place? This and other important questions were answered in a highbrow Bloomberg Television discussion featuring Republican National Committee Chairman Reince Priebus over the weekend. And the important conclusion is that Reince believes that if the Democrats decided that caterpillars — common pests, sometimes stinging, sometimes furry, sometimes booger-like in appearance — were being victimized — probed, prodded, given a souvenir picture they don’t really want, told they are somehow pregnant from sex they will have in two weeks due to a strange glitch found in the time-space continuum — then the liberal media would similarly declare there to be a WAR ON CATERPILLARS! True or false? Read more on RNC Chairman Slanders Caterpillars, Says War On Women ‘Is A Fiction’…
  500 emmys

Bristol Palin Has Some Other New TV Show About Stuff

A hot new reality show “chronicling Bristol Palin’s life as a young, single mother living in the spotlight of being Sarah Palin’s daughter” has been picked up on the vagina network, Lifetime! It will be called Bristol Palin: Life’s A Tripp, and the young mother and son will run around the forest dropping acid with John McCain. Read more on Bristol Palin Has Some Other New TV Show About Stuff…
  weed as in the past participle of wee

Sarah Palin Declares ‘Wee-Wee’ to Be a Word, Thing That Santorum Haters Do

Sarah Palin went on Fox News to talk about Satan’s 2008 speech about Rick Santorum on Tuesday, and in the process made a sound that she then passed off as an adjective recognized by English speakers as something that people who don’t like Rick Santorum do when Rick Santorum does something that they don’t like. The sound was “wee-wee,” and its definition is…well, who can say? Is it the sound of pigs heading home from market? Is it the sound of crying? Is it a British child saying it has to go to the bathroom? The correct usage of this term is apparently “all wee-weed up,” which, so, grabbing one’s crotch in uncertainty and fear? Well, according to OBAMA, who uttered this very same expression in 2009, it means bedwetting. You see, well, when Obama says things, we must all go running for the dictionary, because he holds an elected office, and, not insignificantly, stays in that office for the appointed time. Read more on Sarah Palin Declares ‘Wee-Wee’ to Be a Word, Thing That Santorum Haters Do…
  modern...get it?

‘Don’t Say Gay’ Bill Might Include ‘Don’t Watch Modern Family’ Clause

Our man in La-la Land Stacey Campfield is actually seeing his dreadful “Don’t Say Gay” bill GET SOMEWHERE. The bill, which was adopted by the Tennessee Senate last year and amended to ban the teaching of all but “natural human reproduction science,” just made it through Tennessee’s House education subcommittee. Naturally the discussion surrounding the bill was disgusting and competed with, but did not exceed, Sen. Campfield’s own past statements about homosexuality. Did Campfield’s colleagues feel sorry, or something, that this poor excuse for a human was recently kicked out of a restaurant due to his intolerance of reality? In any case, House education subcommittee chairman Joey Hensley, trapped inside the heart above, remarked that along with not being able to say the word “gay” in schools, parents should not allow their children to watch Modern Family, because then they might realize that the thing they’re learning does not exist from their teachers actually DOES! Inside the TV! Read more on ‘Don’t Say Gay’ Bill Might Include ‘Don’t Watch Modern Family’ Clause…
  both hopey and changey

Bill O’Reilly Compares Ellen Boycott to McCarthyism, Universe Explodes

Poisonous creature of the deep Bill O’Reilly did a segment on his show Tuesday about One Million Moms’ boycott of Ellen DeGeneres’ spokesperson deal with JC Penney. Strangely, the segment was, for the most optimistic among us, some evidence that world peace will happen before the world ends (which is this year). Ellen recently signed on with JC Penney, which is doing this weird American flag-y logo happy makeover thing in an effort to get people to remember it exists and stop buying so many pairs of rhinestone-encrusted Forever 21 leggings made by Korean infants. One Million Moms are not psyched, and Bill O’Reilly is touchingly not psyched that they’re not psyched! Read more on Bill O’Reilly Compares Ellen Boycott to McCarthyism, Universe Explodes…
  arms outstretched

Sarah Palin Would Vote for Gingrich … In South Carolina

Prattler extraordinaire Sarah Palin came the closest yet to endorsing someone as the Republican nominee when she told Fox News’s Sean Hannity on Tuesday that she’d vote for Newt Gingrich in the South Carolina primary. But you see, this is not an endorsement at all, so for confused Republicans still planning on voting Republican this year, we still haven’t found your svengali. Palin said that if she were a voting South Carolinian, she’d choose Newt because basically it would prevent us all from having to enter our probably only months-long arranged marriage with Mitt Romney sooner than is desired (which is NEVARRRR, but the summer would be our second choice after that). Read more on Sarah Palin Would Vote for Gingrich … In South Carolina…
  comedians are corporations are people too

Stephen Colbert Is ‘Exploring’ Running for President

Stephen Colbert announced on Thursday night’s show that yessireebob, he is running for president! Again! That is to say, to bow to tradition, he’s exploring running for president, and spent basically the entire show minus the interview segment learning from his lawyer (and former Federal Election Commission chairman) Trevor Potter about the very uncomplicated exploratory process and how he might hand over control of his super PAC — which, by the way, is both the second and third results for “super pac” on Google — to someone else. That someone else being his close personal friend and “business partner” Jon Stewart. Ah, so that’s how both experienced ex-robbers and windbags from congressional obscurity get to be presidential candidates that people truly vote for and sometimes nurture into actual presidents. Read more on Stephen Colbert Is ‘Exploring’ Running for President…
  joe scarborough is slitting his wrists right now

Anderson Cooper Gets Daytime Talk Show, Ladies

Anderson Cooper is keeping his job at CNN, at least until Larry King shows up at his studios with a gun and Cooper decides it’s no longer worth it to interview terror-baby activists and hilarious homophobe assistant attorneys general. But he is also getting a daytime talk show, because why not? You know how Anderson Cooper always gets that cringe face when he’s forced to talk about sensationalist celebrity pablum? That’s how it’s going to be for an hour every day, as he reads off Gawker posts about how totally gay he is to the audience and tries to keep the nation’s unemployed, retirees, and homemakers from killing themselves. Read more on Anderson Cooper Gets Daytime Talk Show, Ladies…
  now ben smith will debunk this

The Sarah Palin Internet Is Abuzz With Bristol’s Teevee Show Stuff

Oh, look, there is Bristol Palin in her square-dancin’ costume. Team Sarah is so happy for her! “Methinks she’s brushing up on her dancing skills in preparation for an Inaugural Ball,” says “Sharron,” who is some sort of medieval witch. Meanwhile, Mercede Johnston FINALLY addresses this major Dancing with the Stars thing, and it’s basically the best and most journalistic blog post ever. Read more on The Sarah Palin Internet Is Abuzz With Bristol’s Teevee Show Stuff…
  you check your blood sugar and you check it often

President Obama To Become President of Daytime Teevee

Barack Obama is going to be on The View on Thursday, because he is not too popular now, and he was popular in 2008 when he was on that show last, so certainly viewers who don’t have jobs and commercials for cleaning products are the magic he needs to get back that ’08 touch. According to Barbara Walters, THIS IS HISTORY, as no sitting president has wasted his time on daytime television before. Read more on President Obama To Become President of Daytime Teevee…