Don’t click the link. Don’t watch the video. Don’t listen to this shitbird. Okay maybe watch a little bit. [PJTV]

Current pope “Adolf Hitler” was raped by a spider today. Look at that lil’ guy, walkin’ and spider-poopin’ all over Il Popo. Kathryn Jean Lopez is not going to like this one iota. (For some reason we assumed this was a political video, what with the subject of this website and all, “politics.”) [Rumproast]

The secessionist losers in Texas held a major rally (like 2 people) in front of the state Capitol this past weekend, but whither be leader Rick Perry and his 70 pretend-secessionist allies from the state legislature? Apparently they were all busy doing… let’s see… anything else. But the Texas Observer was there to cover the madness and met some interesting “Real Americans,” who at one point very patriotically shouted, “we hate the United States.” MORE »

In today’s long-awaited “Tuesday Fun Video,” Mexican CNN anchor Rick Sanchez plays Mexican music over footage of a massive iceberg collapsing into the ocean, near Greenland, just to put on a show for tourists. While you Science-pansies out there may whine, “Wah wah global warming wah wah wah,” just like that, your Wonkette sees an opportunity to flex its God-given capitalistic rights with a “tourist trap:” Watch the Earth DIE, live! [HuffPo]

You can just see Barack Obama ordering Rahm Emanuel to do this. “Rahm, you are an evil fuck and everyone knows it. You must humanize yourself and read a cute children’s book to children, which we will post on the Education Department’s website.” But we are not fooled by this STUNT. [YouTube]

The look on these anchors’ faces at 0:33 might rank among the greatest YouTube freeze-frames of some period of time. [Las Vegas Gleaner]

Even though you have already had a “Tuesday Lunch Video” today, circumstances call for a “Tuesday Fun Video” as well, because how can we not post this? It’s CNN’s finest hour. “Flatulence,” she says! [YouTube]