John McCain’s always had a hearty arsenal of “cocktail party jokes,” including several about killing Iranian civilians with either bombs or exported American cancer, and another about Chelsea Clinton being ugly because her father is Janet Reno’s penis. These jokes, however, can’t shake a stick at the latest gem someone has unearthed from a 1986 copy of the Tucson Citizen, one that got him in a tit-bit of trouble at the time. After the jump: McCain’s crack about the gorilla who rapes and murders some gal in the street. MORE »

Tucson, Arizona news station KOLD has received an FBI alert warning Southern Arizona of an invasion by Iraqis. Shit! I thought Bush said we fight them over there so we don’t have to fight them here? This policy somehow doesn’t add up! MORE »