Wonkette

There have been recent rumors about MSNBC canceling Tucker Carlson’s show. And guess what? Bowtied Republicans are so pissed off that they are organizing a campaign to save the job of their chest-flashing, crazy dancing, totally not gay preppy pundit. The group, Save Tucker, even has a cute little mission statement. MORE »

The lovely, adorable and talented Liz Glover brings us to the red carpet for last night’s Meet The Press 60th Anniversary party, where she asked very important people what they were wearing. Tom Delay plays coy, John Kerry chats about paper trails, Bob Dole works the ladies, Tucker Carlson denies picking up gay men and Tiki Barber talks dog fighting. Oh yes, it’s all very Fellini. MORE »

MSNBC has stalled in negotiations to give Rosie O’Donnell a primetime show on their teevees. Says Rosie on her modernist poetry website, “well what can u do/2day there is no deal/poof/my career as a pundit is over/ b4 it began.” good thing 4 amerkan public/ no more of her/ heinous/ self on national television/ networks. [NYT]

The New York Times reported today that MSNBC is in talks to give a primetime show to Rosie O’Donnell, whose previous credits include a 9-month stint on ABC’s The View, where she kept having vagina fits with co-host Elizabeth Hasselbeck, an ardent and enthusiastic warmonger. Also, Tucker Carlson might get dumped for shitty ratings. MORE »

Imus is back, and what better way to celebrate than with this most truthy music video “Nappy Headed Hos” by white boy rap duo Accident of Birth. The lyrics strafe the political landscape: James Carville! Maureen Dowd! Snakes in the head! Tim Russert! Rush Limbaugh! Frank Rich! Tucker Carlson! And then, as if it could get any better, they toss in Humboldt County weed, Devo, John Lennon, Snoop Dogg, the Grateful Dead and Maker’s Mark!!? WTF? Quick, somebody sign these guys! MORE »

Look what you’re missing on the Tucker Carlson Show! Not much, to be sure, but we need to keep up with the Conservative Media Personalities to see what they know about Cheney’s new “moon base” which is being installed by Halliburton to goad the Space Monsters into a war so we can take all the natural resources from the gas giant Bespin. The ex-Canadian assistant space police guy under Pierre Trudeau is saying this, so it’s probably pretty much true. Also, Tucker supports bombing innocent E.T. babies with depleted plutonium, and he has patriotically assaulted many older gay aliens in the Mos Eisley cantina.

Bush Plans Defence Stance Against Aliens [YouTube]

Did you hear? It is my last day as your Wonkette editor! On Monday, I’ll sit down at the same goddamn computer and log into the same goddamn screwy blogging engine to continue to write for the same goddamn English billionaire Tory, but it will be for a site called “Gawker.com” instead. So to celebrate, I’m just gonna tell two brief stories of nutty DC types who helped make this gig miserable, in a “funny” way. Join me in saluting Karen Feld and Tucker Carlson!

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The National Enquirer published one of those fun exclusives they do yesterday called “PRESIDENTIAL CHEATING SCANDAL!” The “President” in question is John Edwards, that studly Adonis who likely has dozens of staffers offering fresh trim by the bushel. MORE »

“I think Tucker just wanted us to know that underneath the bow tie and stick-up-his-spine (ahem) Dancing With the Stars performance last year, he’s a 100 percent, red-blooded American man, with a capital ‘M’ for macho. I agree with you. If he felt that threatened he should’ve left the police to handle it. He says, by the way, that the guy was arrested — I’m assuming his assailant didn’t counter-charge Tucker and his ‘friend’ with assault. I’d like to challenge Tucker to produce a police report, though, and share exactly what Georgetown bathroom he was in … was it, like, Georgetown Park or Smith Point?” [Washington Post]

When Tucker Carlson and his buddy beat up that old queer dude in the bathroom, it was … uh … well Tucker was … a victim, that’s right! So stop calling him a gay-bashing hooligan who should’ve gone to jail for a hundred years, you damned libtards. Jeez. Can’t a couple of high-school punks beat up an old homo now and then? Anyway, the libtard outrage caused by, uh, Tucker Carlson bragging about smashing some guy’s skull in a public bathroom has forced Tucker to bravely release a statement. MORE »