Tag: tucker carlson

Tucker Carlson Sort Of Right About Thing Except Not Really

BREAKING NEWS because it doesn't happen often: Tucker Carlson, as you may have ascertained from the headline (because you are SMART is why) is sorta kinda a tiny bit correct about a thing! But not all the way, don't...
She's sort of photogenic.

Was Scalia Murdered By Obama The Gay Prostitute?! Your Weekly Top Ten

Well hallooooo, Wonkers! Are you ready for all the top ten stories about how Antonin Scalia is dead? There were many top ten stories about how Antonin Scalia is dead. Maybe you have read them all! Maybe you are...

Tucker Carlson Doesn’t Want To Wank To Fat Chicks

Have you been wondering what kind of Hot Sexxxytime Pix Tucker Carlson likes best? No, of course not, but that is not going to stop us from telling you. It turns out that when Tucker Carlson slides down his tighty-whities...

GOP: The Only Person To Replace Scalia Should Be The Reanimated Corpse Of Scalia

After Antonin Scalia shocked the world by abruptly dying in his sleep some time Friday night, your namby-pamby liberal Twitter feeds and Gchats and your texts and probably your Tinder messages exploded with a mixture of (1) "Good. Fuck...
Smug and Smugger

Donald Trump Knows Who Gets Yooge, Classy Pussy, Tucker Carlson, And It Is Donald Trump

Dear Christ help us, Tucker Carlson has written a think-piece for Politico in which he sermonizes to "Washington Republicans" -- you know, the bad, Establishment kind, not the honest decent folk who read the Daily Caller -- about how...
Guys, shut up, we know this did not happen in the Dead Poets Society movie film.

Looks Like Things Got Pretty Rapey At Tucker Carlson’s Nice Christian Prep School

Hey Wonkerinos, sorry to be bringing you all these stories about rape and sexual abuse on an otherwise pleasant Thursday, but here's a thing: Rhode Island State Police are investigating allegations of sexual abuse of more than two dozen students...
Understands Jesus

Sarah Palin Calls Jesus Gun-Humpin’ Idiot

Our Lady of The You Betcha Moose Chili dun got her on Facebook again, or at least her ghostwriter did (Willow maybe?), to libel Jesus, Prince of Peace, as a big dumb NRA-humping gun-licker: JESUS WOULD FIGHT FOR OUR SECOND AMENDMENT Taking...

Daily Caller Would Like To Resettle Sexy Syrian Refugees In Tucker Carlson’s Pants

Check out this SUPER HILARIOUS FUNNY post on Daily Caller, filed in its "Entertainment" section, about how some of these war-torn Syrian refugee ladies are WAY boneable, amirite, Tucker Carlson? It looks like this: Get it? They are "Syria-sly hot," because...
Father Forgive them, for they are dumb as fuck like whoa.

Houston Votes Yucky Gay Homosexicans Off Island

Oh dear God, Houston voters, what fucking century did you meth-travel to before you voted Tuesday? Because if we are reading the results correctly (and we are, duh), you went to the polls and said, "Gays? Fuck 'em." You voted...

Fox’s Favorite Priest Outraged Catholic Hospitals Might Be Forced To Save Lives

Fox News has a religion correspondent on the payroll, because whenever you're discussing important issues of the day, it's handy to have a rightwing lunatic appear in religious garb to explain why disagreeing with his political positions pretty much guarantees...

Mean RNC No Fun Anymore, Won’t Even Put Gay-Bashing In Platform

Being a staunchly conservative wingnut in America sucks these days. First Barack Obama replaced all the Christians in the military with homosexuals, and then he did gay marriage to America, and now suddenly, a good Bible-believing baker can't even...
Also, we should slash NASA's budget and give it to sidewalk anti-abortion counselors

Rick Santorum: Know What Really Makes Sea Levels Rise? Gay Marriage.

Pathetic self-parody Rick Santorum took to The Fox and The Friends Sunday to explain how to fix the Supreme Court, after it broke America last week, and make America all better again, and the way to do that is...
Is open carry allowed in theFox studios? Just asking.

Tucker Carlson Revives Hilarious ‘Disarm The Secret Service’ Gag From 2013

On Fox & Friends Saturday, Newstwerp Tucker Carlson had some Deeply Apolitical Thoughts on President Obama's shocking politicizing of last week's massacre in Charleston, reviving a completely original NRA talking point from 2013: If Obama hates guns so much...

Fox’s Favorite Catholic Priest Says Sexual Abuse No Reason To Deprive Duggars Of TV Show

Watch the latest video at video.foxnews.comWhat kind of fair and balanced "news" network would Fox be if it didn't have its own rightwing whackadoodle Catholic priest on speed dial to pronounce God's own truth to the half-comatose octogenarian audience? (That's...
Still empty.

Ben Carson Coulda Killed Bin Laden And Saddam Without Going To War, Just Like JFK Did

Ben Carson made a Dumb again! He was trying and failing, like so many other Republican candidates before him, to answer the question, "would you have invaded Iraq?" To his credit, he said it was a mistake! But he said...

Trans People To Rampage Through White House ‘Gender Neutral’ Potty. Hide Your Kids!

Oh, no, Tucker Carlson is going to be so scared and threatened next time he has to pee when he's in the White House! Talking Points Memo reports that, in keeping with the Obama administration's constant obsession with destroying...