What a fantastic spring it’s been in DC, what with the terrible muggy spell in early May, and now there’s nothing but terrible swampy grossness ahead! Fortunately, DC’s “celebrities” can be spotted both in- and out of doors, where they engage in elite activities such as air travel, grocery shopping, lunching, and even watching sports events. After the jump: Find out which famous politician hums loudly to himself in public bathrooms.

Ever been waiting around to pick up your deli sandwich or your luggage or collect your mail or whatever, and you see some very put-together man or lady giving you the eye like they would like to take you up to Eliot Spitzer’s room at the Mayflower? It’s probably one of those terrible people you’ve seen on O’Reilly’s show talking about the sanctity of post-marital sex. Tell us about these encounters, and other more boring encounters please! Write to tips@wonkette with subject line “Wonk’d.” MORE »

• TUCKER CARLSON TO SAVE THE INTERNET: Check it out, a fancy new clicky-clicky! “Pundit Tucker Carlson publicly announced Tuesday that a right-leaning news site resembling the Huffington Post he’s been planning will go live within weeks … ‘Tell the truth, and be accurate,’ Carlson said of the venture’s goals. ‘It’s very important to live up to the basic standards of journalism.’” Doesn’t making something explicitly “right-leaning” or “left-leaning” in and of itself make it impossible to be an important journalistic news site? Anyway Tucker’s thing will be called hcsfjm.com. [The Hill]

Get ready, it’s Cherry Blossom time! Starting tomorrow all the out-of-towners you just had to accommodate, in January, will suddenly take an interest in visiting again. [DCist] MORE »

You all catch CNN’s Reliables Sources the other day, about Jon Stewart? Exactly, so here’s a little summary. Tucker Carlson, he has not gotten over “it” from four years ago, and also he works for an NBC company, so… yeah. MORE »

Here’s celebrated pundit Tucker Carlson addressing CPAC, fresh after scoring some coke from his dealer under the St. Alban’s lacrosse field bleachers. He tries to convince the stingy crowd that the New York Times, for all its faults, still strives for accuracy and tries to break the major, important stories. He is roundly booed, heckled, bludgeoned, etc. He makes up for it at the end by suggesting that there should be 25 different Fox News channels, thereby ensuring his secure exit from the building. [Right Wing Watch]

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It was quite the star-studded affair in Washington D.C. Saturday evening for the annual White House Correspondents Dinner, perhaps the District’s biggest social night of the year. This is the one where journalists and the politicos they cover congregate in an overt celebration of their inappropriate friendships — you know, the ones that caused the Iraq War. All of America can drink to that! Obviously the public-at-large wouldn’t care about a journalism party — they are not for the soft-at-heart, or people who have lives — if it weren’t for the WHCD’s other strange attraction, the liberal Hollywood Movie Star guests! Your Wonkette’s associate editor and videographer/Polaroidist Liz Glover donned our best church clothes Saturday to witness the proceedings, and all we got were strange memories and a wretched purple umbrella that says “Bloomberg.” The troubling story, below! MORE »

Here at Wonkette we devote about 10 percent of our working day to work and 90 percent to following the exploits of ballroom dancing failure and MSNBC hosting failure Tucker Carlson. Given his long and faithfully chronicled love affair with McDonald’s, we can only imagine Tucker’s distress upon hearing the news this week that the inventor of the Egg McMuffin died. Herb Peterson passed away peacefully at home at the age of 89, surrounded by family, friends, and a mountain of perfectly circular fried eggs. [MSNBC]

Hey now wait, Tucker Carlson’s MSNBC show ended some time in the last three weeks, knew that, but did anyone actually *watch* the last episode? Ha ha ha, ha. Well he ended it with some inspired Latino dancing with his gay partner and you can view it above! What is wrong with him? [YouTube]

Hey, remember this video of NBC’s White House correspondent, David Gregory, dancing to Mary J. Blige’s fantastic dance song? Well this same dancer is now replacing fired (HA HA) MSNBC host Tucker Carlson’s 6 - 7 p.m. spot with Race for the White House, which the press release calls “a fast-paced daily look at the latest election news.” And who doesn’t need more of that right now! But does the press release lie? According to the AP, the new program will be called Race for the White. A typo, or a HILLARY PLANT? [AP/Breitbart]

AND NOW HE’S FIRED: David Shuster sort of called Chelsea Clinton a whore, so now he’s “suspended” from, uh, guest hosting Tucker Carlson’s show? [Media Matters]