July 26, 2014
So earlier in the World Cup (sportsball! woo!) there was a girl that was apparently the most beautiful-est sportsball fan, and she got offered a hair modeling contract with L’Oreal. But then she posted a super cool photo on her Facebook account posing with a gazelle she had shot on a big game hunting trip. […]
You may or may not remember the story about New Jersey Sen. Robert Menendez allegedly doing sex with prostitutes, whom he then didn’t even pay, and then later it was claimed that the hookers were underaged, even. Hahaha, of course you remember it — you read Wonket, and are perforce a salacious-minded weirdo, gods bless […]
The Daily Caller — Tucker Carlson’s Internet home for upright citizens who love killing black children, and what on earth could be wrong with that? — googled the word “bigotry.” Why? Why do cows fart? Wrote Wonket BFF and Daily Caller scribe Betsy Rothstein, Google has an odd way of looking at “bigotry.” When you […]
It’s been ten seconds since Tucker Carlson said something dickish, so time had really come for it to happen again. It’s like the man simply can’t resist being an asshole, no matter what the topic. He’s an all-purpose asshole. He’s the Comet cleaner of assholes. You are likely aware that Tracy Morgan was injured when […]
You know what’s wonderful? Living in a post-racial America, where everyone is judged based on the content of their character and not the color of their skin. For example: Tucker Carlson is a dick not because of his race, but because he is a cosmic turd wrapped in leaking anal polyps sent here to punish […]
We were trying to remember if Tucker Carlson is a worthless douchebag or a complete sociopath, and then we remembered we didn’t need to choose, especially when he gives us such gems as “there’s no such thing as statutory rape for underage guys because because because.” First, though, some important questions: When did Tucker stop […]
Remember back in January how unstoppable tyrant Barack Obama and his evil minion Eric Holder threw filmmaker and pretend smart person Dinesh D’Souza in a gulag for the terrible crime of not loving Obama and for believing in free speech and being an all-around hero? And Dinesh was all like “trumped up charges blah blah […]
Since the suspiciously ungracious and despicably cruel firing of Jill Abramson, the first female executive editor of the New York Times — apparently for no reason other than because she was a “pushy” “mercurial” “polarizing” “brusque” beeeyotch who twice hurt an otherwise super chill dude’s feelings so bad he had to punch a wall, but […]
Tucker Carlson, who plays a human being on Fox’s Outnumbered, explained the connection between obesity and poverty Wednesday, pointing out that poor people are only fat because the government keeps giving them food, and that there’s no such thing as a fat rich person. Who is this man who is so wise in the ways […]
He Seems Nice: ranty race-baiter Tucker Carlson took a few minutes of his busy day Friday to explain to conspiracy slug Alex Jones that the real problem this country faces is that the U.S. Government is just too intent on keepin’ the oppressed white man down: “The federal government takes sides and hands out spoils […]
Well, looks like Martha MacCallum is trying to make a name for herself with the ol’ Fox higher-ups! How? By insisting little ladies don’t want the “special” handout that is equal pay for equal work. That is “special” indeed!
So you know how when nuns take they’re vows, they’re married to Jebus? Ann Coulter has figured out that it’s pretty much the same thing when single women want insurance to cover their Whore Pills, except they’re marrying the federal government. On a special Fox & Friends tribute to the Mad Hatter’s tea party Sunday, […]
Hi, ladies! Fox News brought its favorite “war on men” correspondent, Suzanne Venker, out of the locked room where they store her between guest appearances and let her do some concern-ranting about how women are ruining their lives by living them the way they want to, and not the way Suzanne Venker knows they should. […]
Is your mom this old lady? No, because your mom is not a professor emerita of English. Your mom is, however, ungrateful and ungracious. MOMS! SO COMPLICATED! Is New Pope rocking your world? Is Pope Francis going to be the next John XXIII? (Gonna go with yes, and also “callllled ittttt.”)
Ann Coulter wrote a book. It’s her tenth! Congratulations, Ann! We don’t know much about the etiquette of these things, but evidently the tenth is the “fluorescent” anniversary in publishing, since her friends at the Daily Caller invited everyone over to their place this week to celebrate.